Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

Starring Mickey Rourke, Don Johnson, Daniel Baldwin, et al
Rated R, 98 minutes

Sometimes the littlest thing can make you watch a movie or TV show. For me, and "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man," it was flipping through OnDemand and thinking, "hmm, what did Mickey Rourke used to look like?" Apparently not wanting to get up and do a Google images search, I clicked through and watched.

Mickey Rourke is "Harley Davidson" and Don Johnson is "the Marlboro Man." They're both tough guys on the fringe of society. Harley rides bikes. Marlboro is a modern day cowboy. Marlboro's dressed like he came from a catalog shoot, so you wonder just how much time he's spent on the street. It's some years in the future. Okay, it's 1996. Burbank is now home to an international airport. One lone beacon to times past, the Rock & Roll Bar, is Harley & Marlboro's favorite hang out. The lease is up, and a big-time bank is asking $2.5 million for the property. The two outlaws decide to rally their barfly friends to rob said big-time bank and take back the bar.

Turns out the bank is a front for drug dealing. Instead of cash, the outlaw-approved Bags O'Money are filled with the latest street drug - "Crystal Dream." Now, Daniel Baldwin and his band of bulletproof thugs are after Harley & Marlboro.

This movie lets you know what's in store in the first 10 minutes. Cliched dialogue abounds, tits come out of shirts, profanity flies from the mouths of everyone. This is probably for the best, because you lean back and take it in as a popcorn movie pretty quickly. Everybody's in a contest for Best Male Action Movie Quote it seems, and most of their attempts are pure roquefort. The people in this movie have "A-Team" aim with their weapons. Funny, considering Marlboro grew up cowboy, and has deadly aim when pitted against inanimate objects.

The cast is a quirky assembly. Stars Daniel Baldwin, Tom Sizemore and Mickey Rourke would all have their run ins with drugs. Wrestler "Big" John Studd plays a tough guy who hustles on the arm wrestling table. He's not so tough when his crooner wife comes around, who's played by Vanessa Williams. Tia Carrere appears, but keeps her shirt on, letting three other actresses bare some flesh.

Rourke and Johnson are a fun enough pair, even if both feel a little phony in their characters. Mickey Rourke has since said he took this part solely for the money. I'm not surprised.

***¼

"Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" kept me happy for the duration. Like I said, I was set up by the film to let my mind take a rest, lay back, and watch things go boom. On that level, it was mostly a success.