Return to the Batcave (2003)

Starring Adam West, Burt Ward, Jack Brewer, Jason Marsden, et al
90 minutes

“Return to the Batcave,” subtitled “The Misadventures of Adam & Burt” was a 2003 TV movie aired on CBS. The movie put the stars of the original “Batman” TV series, Adam West and Burt Ward, back together along with many of the actors who played the famous villains on the show.

The idea is Adam and Burt are invited to a car show where the Batmobile is being displayed. Adam shows off that he kept the key for all these years at the very moment the lights go down and summarily the key gets stolen and the car drives away. The duo decide to hunt for the Batmobile, using flashbacks to their old days as Batman & Robin to figure out who would’ve stolen the key. In the flashbacks, Adam & Burt are portrayed by Jack Brewer and Jason Marsden respectively.

Frank Gorshin, who played the Riddler, appears as himself, as does Julie Newmar who played Catwoman. The movie makes such a deal of using only footage from the “Batman” motion picture starring Adam West that it came as no surprise when I read the makers of the original TV series wouldn’t allow use of their footage in this film.

There are some weird choices throughout the entire movie. A scene where we watch Adam & Burt get into their costumes for the first time which seemed to go on for ages would be an example.

It should be noted too that Adam West was credited as some sort of senior creative control member or something. If you didn’t know that from me telling you, you’d know from watching. Burt Ward probably has a similar credit, though the early stages of the movie suggest he can't even drive a car. Some of the flashbacks show you just how many women chased after them during the height of the series. That, despite making $350 a week for the show according to the movie, Burt Ward lost $500,000 in his divorce – something that Adam reported was big news in all the papers. It got to be so much that I made an aside to my friends for a supposed line for Burt to say, “hey Adam, my penis is huuuuge!”

And then it happened.

Not two scenes later, a censor tells Burt Ward that his genitals show too much through his tights. No amount of tucking or ice packs could hide it.

So not only were they rich, had the press on the edge of their seats and captured the affections of screaming girls nationwide, but Burt Ward had a big unit.

I declared the movie could do nothing to redeem itself.

Zero out of five.