JA1 Presents

Undercover Boss (CBS)

2011-05-16T21:48:00.000-04:00

debuted 2/7/2010
60 minutes

"Undercover Boss" is an example of the right premise at the right time. With the country still fighting an economic downturn, it's appealing to watch corporate higher-ups take a turn at the bottom of the ladder. The show debuted after the Super Bowl, with nearly 39 million people tuning in.

On "Undercover Boss," CEOs from across the nation take on a fake identities to work on the ground floor of their companies. Along the way, they get to know the personal struggles of the people who work for them. They witness first hand if the company is delivering on its promises. At the end of each hour-long episode, the CEO featured relays their finds to the home office. And they reveal their true identity to the employees they encountered, who generally receive a reward for their helpfulness and hard work in the face of (generally) tough times.

You probably could have guessed how the episodes end before I told you. No company would volunteer for this without multiple chances to look good. As you can imagine, many parts of the show act as an infomercial for the company featured. It's expected, but still not easy to digest.

The same goes for the fate of the workers they meet. The CEO just happens to be trained by the single mother, or the hard-working newcomer to America, or the aspiring-but-still-in-school entrepreneur. These people were probably put through the same casting process as a Real World contestant.

But it's still satisfying to watch them receive their sizable gifts and praise at the end; even if the lessons taken away are temporary for most involved. The CEOs are shown at home with their families, and often confront personal issues themselves. But at the end of the day, they're still the ones with the big check and nice house. Economic realities mean every cashier can't suddenly get health care. But again, it's still satisfying to see some people get to be king or queen for a day.

How fun an episode is largely depends on what company is being featured. They could be visiting a fast food restaurant you and I frequent every week. Or, in typical positive-to-the-company language, we could be visiting the southern United States' largest growing mail-in laundry processor. Whoopee. I watched two episodes, each with different personalities. One was a little more exciting than the other, but both felt a little dragged out.

**¼

Even if you take away the positive PR and "coincidental" finding of hard luck cases, it's just not that exciting. Let's compare to another hour-long reality show - "Wife Swap." You know two families are going to have philosophical differences. You know they're going to live in each others' shoes for a week and take something away. But the characters each week are vastly different, the conflicts they encounter are different, and you don't know whether the families will take away something positive from the experience, or something negative.

With "Undercover Boss," I feel like every week will be the same. The CEO will work at their business and witness imperfections. They'll meet good, hard-working folks who could use a helping hand. They'll give them gifts of increasing worth, subtitle the post-script outcome, and roll credits. I could come back to it given the right company, or with some time off from watching again. But based on these examples, I've had enough for now.

Journey - Trial By Fire (1996)

2011-05-14T10:36:00.000-04:00

There are many chances for fans of the band Journey to ask "what if?" They had three albums before Steve Perry came along, trying out lead singer Robert Fleischman before making the choice that made them legendary. What if Steve Perry chose to stay home instead? When Gregg Rolie left the band following their double live album Captured, Jonathan Cain replaced him, co-writing a number of the band's greatest hits, including "Don't Stop Believin." What if he wasn't the guy? Two of the band's concert favorites, one a top 10 single, were lopped off the Frontiers album before it went to print. What if...

You get the idea. A major point of debate and divide among fans is Steve Perry's reported slowing down of Journey in the mid-80s. Describing himself as "toast," Steve Perry bowed out in 1987, and wouldn't sing with the band again for nearly ten years. In 1996, fans were too busy salivating over their return to ask what if. Years later, the album and resultant (final) departure of Steve Perry would raise a lifetime worth of new questions and possible scenarios.

It's no secret that Steve Perry's voice was changing. Just two years after Escape went to number one on the Billboard 200 album chart, the familiar hits were sounding different in concert. When Perry toured the Journey catalog with a solo album in 1994, he actually tuned down a key, something as-to-then unheard of with these songs. Aside from that, the band went in a different, softer direction on their last album, Raised on Radio, which saw the dismissal of longtime drummer Steve Smith and founding bass player Ross Valory. The motivation for those changes is up for debate on the fan boards. Given ALL that, with the hitmaking Escape lineup reformed, and time passed, what sort of album would they deliver?

Track listing:
1 - Message of Love (5:34)
2 - One More (5:28)
3 - When You Love a Woman (4:07)
4 - If He Should Break Your Heart (4:23)
5 - Forever In Blue (3:35)
6 - Castles Burning (6:00)
7 - Don't Be Down on Me Baby (4:01)
8 - Still She Cries (5:04)
9 - Colors of the Spirit (5:41)
10 - When I Think Of You (4:21)
11 - Easy to Fall (5:15)
12 - Can't Tame the Lion (4:32)
13 - It's Just the Rain (5:19)
14 - Trial By Fire (4:41)
15 - Baby I'm Leaving You (2:49) (hidden track)

Something different than anything before it with Steve Perry. You can tell that right away with the lead-off track, "Message of Love." For better or worse, "Message" sets the mood. This song I liked. To give you perspective, I slowly got into Journey through the sheer power of their hits, and I got to love many songs beyond that over the years. This review is my first real crack at Trial By Fire, outside of a few tracks.

"One More" begs the question: since when does Journey use the words "wicked prophets" in their lyrics? Unfortunately, this song helps you notice Steve Perry's vocal ceiling that developed in the off time.

"When You Love a Woman" was the big single, nominated for a Grammy. It's more grandiose than 99% of the stuff from their heyday, but whatever. It's a pleasing song with a more classic sound. It's followed by "If He Should Break Your Heart," a very worthy song that shockingly hasn't been heard in concert yet. It deserved more attention in the long run, and fights doggedly with others for my favorite song on the album. Bears noting that nothing out-and-out rocks so far.

The intro of "Forever in Blue" sounds like part of Van Halen's playbook. The tone of this record being so low-key hurts an otherwise solid thumbs up. "Castles Burning" continues a positive streak, and brings more energy to the proceedings. Once the demonic voiceovers begin, we're clearly not in Kansas anymore, Toto. The song goes on a couple minutes more than it should.

In "Don't Be Down on Me Baby," Steve Perry holds notes to the point of parody. I wanted the song to go somewhere, or be over. It did one of those things. "Still She Cries" and "Colors of the Spirit" are somewhat enjoyable, but could have been pared down a bit in length. Being on an album with such even energy didn't help, either.

"When I Think of You" feels like a classic Journey track - perhaps moreso than anything on the album. "Easy to Fall" makes it two thumbs up in a row, and ends with another good solo by Neal Schon. However, we're still way out of balance in tone here.

"Can't Tame the Lion" has good lyrical hooks and brings a welcome tempo change. "It's Just the Rain" is capable, segueing to the rather dull title track, which I would enjoy as an instrumental to read or relax to. After the album proper, we get a bit of Journey reggae in "Baby I'm Leaving You." Definitely strange, but it didn't offend me like it seemed to offend other fans.

What does it all add up to? An album with good music that's hard to like. Hard to like because of the band's pedigree. I guess, in a parallel to their musical "maturity" here, I've grown to appreciate songs that aren't a textbook 3-minutes-and-fun. I had something of an expectation given Steve Perry's vocal evolution, and fans' use of the word "dark" in describing the album's direction.

But somewhere, deep down, especially given the returning lineup, I expected something more radio friendly. Is that unfair? Perhaps. But after giving some songs a second and third pass, they really grew on me.

***½

It's the slow burn of Journey albums. It requires some savoring and second looks. If you're in a mood where dialing back from the energy and smiles of earlier Journey work sounds good, then Trial by Fire won't disappoint. In my review of their 2008 album Revelation, I talked about the long runtimes and repetitive subject matter making it a chore to go through as a whole. I find that album a bit easier to pick-up-and-play than this one, albeit "safer." Even though it may not get as many spins, I respect Trial By Fire more for having better music.

Dexter: The First Season

2011-05-09T13:17:00.001-04:00

4-disc set; 12 episodes (~650 minutes)

Dexter began its run on Showtime in October 2006, and I've been surrounded by Dexter fever for quite some time. My cousin and her friends watched it with rapt attention in college. My dad gave it a try on DVD recently, and ended up buying every episode available within the month. And two blood-adorned coffee cups. My parents invite my brother and his wife over to watch three or four episodes at a time. Having never subscribed to pay channels, I confess to being out of the loop when it comes to their heralded series. With a four-season Dexter care package arriving from Michigan, I had no excuse to avoid it. And this show makes a strong case for paying extra each month.

Michael C. Hall stars as Dexter Morgan, a forensic analyst and blood spatter expert with the Miami Police Department. Dexter practices a form of vigilante justice. When the scourge of society goes untreated by the hand of law, Dexter tracks them down and deals with them his own way. He interrogates the soon-to-be-deceased on their crimes. He confronts them with pictures of their victims. He adds a sample of their blood to his trophy case. Given his occupation, no trace of evidence is left behind. The room is covered in plastic. His victims are dismembered with power tools, and thrown off a fishing boat in the middle of the ocean.

All of this happens under the direct of his late foster father's "code." A former police officer, Harry Morgan took Dexter in as a child, and discovered he had a need to kill. Harry channeled Dexter's desire into something (arguably) good for society. If he was going to kill, the thinking goes, he should at least do so to people who "deserve" it. Harry taught Dexter all his tricks, stressing that he mask his emotional detachment from the world and "act normal." As a result, Harry's biological daughter Debra never quite got the attention she wanted. Both Morgan children join the police force in his honor, with Debra starting off the season trying to become a detective.

The first twelve episodes of the series revolve around "the Ice Truck Killer." Spoilers ahead, of course. This season is based on the book "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" by Jeff Lindsay. After this season, the TV show splinters off from the written plots.

Dexter – Right out of the gate, Dexter goes after a priest who molests young children, and kills him in a way we'll get used to as the series goes on. I knew coming in what it meant to "Dexter" your victim, so this rather open exposition of the character felt odd. Afterward, Miami PD finds a dismembered body in a hotel swimming pool. The strange part? There's not a drop of blood. The sight confounds Dexter. He lets Debra, who's working undercover as a prostitute, voice a theory that the killer is icing his victims in extreme cold. And we know something's up when Dexter receives a similarly dismembered Barbie doll at his home. Because we aren't yet invested in these characters, the episode lacks something. Thumbs in the middle. But as a viewer, you no doubt want to carry on. A lot of interesting ground is laid out.

Crocodile – Dexter examines a crime scene where an officer was killed. This officer was working undercover to stop a drug lord named Guerrero. Turns out Sergeant James Doakes was sleeping with the officer's wife. Again, given the relative youth of these characters in the viewer's mind, this whole plot is a jumble, and isn't satisfying to watch. What IS satisfying is another look into how Dexter finds his victims (he sees a family crying outside a courtroom) and a new lead in the no-blood case. Debra uses her free time to search for a refrigerated truck the killer might be using to cool down his victims. She not only finds the truck, but new evidence - fingertips frozen in a block of ice. The fingernails are each painted a different color....just like the doll left in Dexter's apartment. Just like the doll that's no longer there. Somebody's been inside again. These developments don't save the episode entirely, but they do succeed again in making you tune in next week. Thumbs in the middle.

Popping Cherry – A new victim is found chopped up in a hockey goal at the local ice rink. The surveillance tape sees a security guard placing the body parts, but it's suggested the real killer was off camera directing him. In the previous two episodes, Dexter's girlfriend Rita is unable to have sex due to her abusive past. This relieves Dexter, whose disconnection makes the whole thing awkward anyway. Here, Rita's past continues to haunt her, as one of her ex-husband's drug dealers takes her car as deferred payment. Meanwhile, Doakes turns up the heat on the drug lord from last week. Other members of the precinct provoke the drug family, retaliating at Doakes for sleeping with a colleague's wife. Elsewhere, Dexter targets a 15-year-old murderer, but spares him when he learns the kid might be "taking out the garbage" like Dexter does. There's a lot to learn about the character here. Coupled with the development of our running plots, it adds to a very worthy thumbs up. Quote from the opening funeral scene by Dexter: "Most people have a hard time dealing with death. But I’m not most people." The show ends with Dexter giving Rita a car from evidence, declaring it a win "for the little wooden boy." Is he becoming human?

Let's Give the Boy a Hand – Lt. LaGuerta's politicking hits one of its first major snags, as her much-ballyhooed lead suspect turns up...parceled out in pieces by the real Ice Truck Killer. The severed limbs are left in spots gleaned from Dexter's family photos. Sgt. Doakes is kidnapped. Turns out his enemies on the force used him as bait to get Guerrero. Doakes comes out unharmed, with perhaps a lesson learned. Dexter follows the hands and feet to another memory-filled location - the hospital - where he finds one-time suspect Tony Tucci all prepared for a Dextering. He chooses instead to give the tip to Debra, who's getting the short shrift from her superiors. The Ice Truck Killer flees the scene, but not before snapping a Polaroid of Dexter. The hits keep on comin'. Thumbs up.

Love American Style – Rita finds one of her co-workers at the hotel crying. Her husband is trying to immigrate (illegally) from Cuba, and he's gone missing. Dexter investigates, ending up with a new target of his own. Tony Tucci is brought in to the hospital, where Debra suggests blindfolding him in an effort to see what he can remember about the Ice Truck Killer. I guess the killer likes cough drops. And I guess he left his fingerprints on one of the wrappers. Despite enjoyable streaks of humor, I was feeling more thumbs in the middle about this episode. Dexter was out of the Ice Truck proceedings. The stuff with Angel and his wife growing apart was blah. But, a deviation of plan (in more ways than one) made this one exponentially better in a heartbeat. Thumbs up.

Return to Sender – Typical morning. Dexter's at Rita's, gets a call from work. This time though, he's called back to the scene of HIS crime. As we saw at the end of the last show, somebody was watching Dexter do his deed that night. Stories like this always make me uncomfortable. Even on the most pithy of sitcoms, I don't like to see the main character vulnerable when the viewers know he or she is in the right. We get to see the Ice Truck Killer's calling card here. The smiley face. As Dexter goes to dump his evidence, he finds one etched in a blood slide. The clue leads him to plant the evidence that grants him his freedom. Despite squirming over Dexter's possible capture, this gets a thumbs up. Elsewhere, Debra goes to dinner with Doakes and his family in something of a romantic subplot that never quite goes anywhere.

Circle of Friends – Big episode here. The Ice Truck Killer is caught (or is he?). We get a callback to Dexter's catch-and-release a few episodes back, and Rita's abusive ex-husband is introduced, recently released from prison. The husband joins a line of broad characterizations in the supporting cast, but doesn't succeed in that way as well as the others, looking more like a caricature. Despite him, this show gets a definite thumbs up. An exciting log jam of elements.

Shrink Wrap – Dexter's next potential victim is a psychiatrist. On a recon mission to plan for the big event, Dexter ends up finding release in therapy. The idea of Dexter self-reflecting has potential, and in this episode, a good payoff. I started to pine for a weird plot twist where Dexter would keep his therapist hostage to figure out his own head. It was a neat insight into the character, and we got to see him humanize, albeit slowly. Debra's feelings grow for her latest beau - Rudy, the doctor who gave Tony Tucci his prosthetics. The end of this episode made me say "SHIT" out loud in an empty room. What a punch to the gut. Stellar. Thumbs up.

Father Knows Best – Doakes stops his patrol car to kill a man, and tells a different story than the blood spatter reveals. While they try to get a grip on the sergeant, Dexter gets word that his biological father died and left Dexter a home in the will. Dex has no doubt - this isn't real. Harry told him about his past. The Ice Tr- I mean Rudy, talks with Deb about her brother needing help at this difficult time. So it's a double date with Deb, Dex, Rudy and Rita all cleaning up the home. You'd think the meeting of Dexter and...*ahem* "Deb's boyfriend" would be unreal, but this was more of a simmer. When Dexter finds a familiar thank you card at the home, things come together. Joe Driscoll, now revealed to be his biological father, donated blood to him at a young age when he faced death on the operating table. This episode pushes along our larger narrative, but lingers a long time on a dull B-story with Doakes. The ending felt telegraphed early on. Thumbs in the middle. But now there's doubt in the relationship of Harry and Dexter.

Seeing Red – This one started really down. I know, weird to say on a show about a serial killer who goes after other serial killers. Dexter is sent to a crime scene that's swimming in blood. The sight takes him back to a terrible childhood memory when HE was sitting in a pool of blood. Angel finds a hooker with painted fingernails matching those found earlier in the case. Because it's a prosthesis, he talks to Rudy, who nobody suspects yet as the killer. The sniffing around is enough to make Rudy defensive. He secretly stabs Angel in the parking lot. Meanwhile, Rita's ex-husband Paul is winning in court after Rita fought back physically. Paul makes the mistake of threatening Dexter, though, who knocks Paul out with a frying pan and plants drugs by his body. Dex goes back to the pool of blood, on Rudy's encouragement, where he realizes the gruesome scene from his childhood was actually his biological mother's murder. With all these developments, and superb execution therein, it's a slam dunk thumbs up.

Truth Be Told – Doakes' suspicions about Dexter grow tenfold when he discovers he's been lying about his connections to the Ice Truck Killer. Dexter finally uncovers records of the crime scene where Harry found him. The crime scene where his mother was murdered. Paul's in prison and he doesn't know why. Rudy is persistent in meeting with Debra, who doesn't want to leave the office amidst breaks in the Ice Truck case. He manages to get her on a boat for dinner and proposes marriage. And then he renders her unconscious. By the time Dexter puts the pieces together, the ship has literally sailed. The show in this position just HAS to be good. And it delivers. All the loose ends are swaying neatly together, ready for a huge load to be blown in the next episode. Cree. Pee. Thumbs up.

Born Free – Here it is. The reveal of all reveals. Dexter and Rudy - or should I say Brian - finally meet under their true identities. The Ice Truck Killer is Dexter's biological brother. He was with Dexter when their mom was brutally murdered. And now to solidify their bond, Brian has presented Dexter with Debra's body, just how he likes it, asking Dexter to end her life. He chooses to spare Debra, and Brian runs free. It's Brian's expertise, professional and private, that would turn out to be his undoing. A perfect cap to a wonderful season. The killing that ends this episode has to be one of the most intense moments in television history. Lots is left brewing for next season. The usual heavy-handedness with the side action wasn't felt here, because the main plot was just so intense. Thumbs up.

The count (up-middle-down):
9-3-0

Obviously any good TV show wants you to tune in to the next episode. But Dexter is top notch at stirring things up with the right energy and pace to make you want the next episode NOW NOW NOW. Viewed anew on DVD, you get the luxury of watching them back to back, and it's hard to stop once you get going. The top-of-show recaps are particularly well done, varying widely in technique from episode to episode, and aptly reminding of you details from the last show so you're well-equipped for the one you're about to see.

Dexter being such an interesting and multi-layered character presents problems elsewhere. Spending any significant length of time with supporting characters often feels boring. We have a habitual killer practicing his own moral code in one corner, versus a guy who's sad to be divorced (Angel) in another? Perhaps because of their length of time on screen, many of them end up as bold, loud characterizations. Doakes is a fireball of emotions. This sort of bluster entertained me in "The Departed," and it (mostly) succeeds here. The foul-mouthed Debra is another example. Because they're so over the top, we learn about these characters faster, and have more time to enjoy Dexter's plots. Like I said regarding the first two episodes, we're just not invested enough to care yet about anything else. We've barely gotten to know Doakes, and yet we're alluding to a convoluted past? I'd rather see what Dexter's up to. But after this season, it's practically impossible to turn away from the show. This momentum gives the writers and producers a chance to develop everyone else next season with the foundation they've built here.

****½

If the idea of watching a serial killer practice his own form of justice doesn't turn you off, then absolutely dive in and watch this season now. You won't regret it. DVD extras include commentary (of course), chapters of a Dexter novel, and much much more. Frankly, you'll be too eager to get to season two before you even think about watching any of it.

Star Munchkin (2002)

2011-05-07T19:59:00.002-04:00

by Steve Jackson Games, for 2-6 players

Back in grade school, I had friends who played Pokemon, friends who played Yu-Gi-Oh, friends who played Magic: The Gathering. I had my own way of playing Magic we tried a few times. If somebody left their card collection behind, we'd take turns grabbing handfuls and throw them at each other. I would ramble about abilities and points as I threw stack after stack towards my opponents. There was a lights-off version that increased the strategy, as you had no idea where the next attack was coming from.

With that said...Star Munchkin is a card game with sci-fi theming and jokes that should resonate with fans of Star Trek and Star Wars. You start with a hand of cards, and your character at level 1. The first player "kicks down the door" to a "room," which is theme-speak for drawing a card. That player could find themselves in a trap, gain an item to use later, or end up toe-to-toe with a monster. If engaged in combat, players use cards to try and defeat their enemy.

If you get lost like I did - since these games aren't my bag - just imagine all the slots you can fill with the different cards. Your character can have one ship, one race, one class, and one sidekick. Your character can also wear something on their head, and also put something in each hand. As such, you could be a psychic cyborg holding two laser guns with your trusty sidekick "The Lovely Assistant" at your side. These modifiers basically change the ways you're affected by winning and losing the battles. They also increase your ability to defeat monsters (sometimes allowing you to hold more weapons).

Combat is a basic assessment of how many points you have (level plus weapons plus abilities) vs. the point level of the monster. You can play temporary cards to overcome a deficit; or your opponents could do the inverse and make the challenge harder. Defeating monsters comes with the reward of more cards and advancing your character up a level. If you find yourself at a disadvantage, another player can negotiate to help (usually at the cost of splitting the loot). If you can't defeat the monster, you roll a die to attempt "running away," where you avoid the negative consequence(s) of losing. Cards can also be sold off at face value in exchange for levels. Players take turns kicking down doors around the table until one reaches level 10. The first player to reach level 10 wins the game. You can buy your way up to level 9, but you have to be successful in combat to get that final level.

The text-heavy cards are daunting. As a new player, having a card's pluses and minuses laid out plainly would have been preferred. But doing so would likely hinder the humor. I drew parallels between this and The Mad Magazine Game. The classic humor mag put out a board game years ago where you tried to lose money. The conventions of board gaming were lampooned in the cards, rules and board spaces. Like that game, the fun in Star Munchkin drops off once you've seen the jokes.

And the game isn't strong enough to overcome that. Players basically let each other gain levels in the early goings. Once someone gets to level 9, their next battle brings every negative card out of the woodwork. It makes sense, but it's eye-rollingly predictable. I played a 70s game called Big Deal once that had the same thing going on. Lots of nice art and clever cards, but it boiled down to a final climactic roll. In Star Munchkin, you go through stacks of preamble to find out if the first player to level 9 has enough cards to combat what everyone else has. Maybe a final battle would help, where the first two people to level 10 face off for ultimate victory.

Was Star Munchkin devoid of fun? Not at all. I enjoyed some of the humor, and that humor was further exploited by the group I played it in. Do I recommend having it on the shelf? Out of five stars, Star Munchkin gets...

**

Star Munchkin is merely one in a series - a standalone sequel to a game called Munchkin that had a dungeon theme. There's something I don't like about getting people to buy a so-so game over and over again just for new jokes. If you have friends that would enjoy this kind of humor, Star Munchkin is worth playing a time or two. But space those playings out. You probably don't want to be the person out twenty or thirty dollars either.

Freestyle 5/3/11 - Poker "Pro" League, Twitter

2011-05-03T13:19:00.000-04:00

There's a report in USA Today about a budding new poker league whose plan is to showcase the game's professional players. The spearheads - a former World Series of Poker commissioner, and star player Annie Duke - talk about qualifying criteria involving tournament wins and cash earnings. More interesting than pocketbook poker is the requirement that you "cashed" at least nine times since 2008. This puts emphasis on power players with skill - as much as that term can be used in gambling, I suppose.

As a one-time casual fan of the game, I'm intrigued. Like many people, I got poker fever by tuning in to the World Series that Chris Moneymaker eventually won. Watching subsequent Series meant seeing more and more people trying to rise from obscurity like Chris did. That meant more poker websites gaining popularity. Said sites gave away berths to the Main Event in their tournaments. The poker explosion meant a bigger field of players. That meant higher odds against seeing your favorite through, and less chance for those gaining fame in the game to be at the final table. As somebody who got into poker that year because of the bold characters and their exciting play, I wasn't inspired to stay tuned if everybody I saw was an unproven entity.

GSN's "High Stakes Poker" is still chugging along, with much of the same appeal this new league wants to have. Well-known poker players with money to burn play a cash game on TV. But is this league's effort too little too late? Poker's been in decline with the masses for some time. The shutdown and investigation into three major online poker houses was a major blow. ESPN quickly downgraded coverage for the next World Series, and namely, poker in general. I imagine there's a good number of players online whose love of the game doesn't extend into finding new, trustworthy places to play. The new league will need a high-profile spot on television to gain traction outside the poker community, and maybe win back casual fans like myself. Perhaps more dubious at this point is the league's 200-plus list of qualifiers. The list represents who can play, but not who will be playing.

I recently got re-energized with Twitter. No longer just a medium for me to plug new posts here - feh! Sure, I want you to follow my pithy tweets. But allow me to suggest some real quality feeds to help make your day funnier.

If you don't already follow Fake AP Stylebook, shame on you. As a former journalism student, I got the joke instinctively. But it's not necessary knowledge. Basically, the real AP Stylebook is used by journalists to help standardize abbreviations and capitalization on political titles, when to use words like eager instead of anxious...the list goes on. The Fake AP Stylebook creates would-be entries on recent news trends. It's a scream.

It seems everybody knows to follow Steve Martin and Conan O'Brien. But do you read Kevin Nealon? His output is right up there, if not better. And if you respect and enjoy him on TV like I do, you'll enjoy the tweets of one Tom Bergeron. He's even funnier there than I could have guessed from his hosting gigs - and he's funny with a capital F doing those.

Pit (1903)

2011-03-30T21:04:00.001-04:00

by Parker Brothers, for 3-8 players (10 in some editions)

If the title means nothing to you now, it should. Pit should be as well-stocked as Scrabble.

Up to eight players participate in this game of rapid trading. For each player, there's one "suit" of a commodity, such as rice, coffee or corn. Each suit contains nine cards. Also joining the mix are a Bull card and a Bear card. The deck is dealt as evenly as possible (two players will always have 10 cards instead of 9). When the dealer says so, the market opens. Each player is trying to trade cards away so they can corner the market with all 9 of a particular commodity.

How do you do it? Suppose you have four of one commodity in your hand, and only pairs of the others. You shout out "two!" repeatedly, indicating you have a pair to trade away. You'll hear the shouts of another player with the same number, lock eyes with them, and hastily switch cards in secret. You continue like this until one player excitedly ends trading, having collected all nine of their desired suit. That player collects the point value on the card. The Bull is a wild card. As such, if you have 8 matching cards, plus the Bull, you win. The Bear subtracts from your score no matter what. But you can trade it with any like set of cards. So three corn and the bear can be traded with a shout of "four! four!" Whoever reaches a pre-determined point total is the winner.

Just think of an entire Thanksgiving dinner party shouting numbers at each other after the food's clear. It's a riot. Pit is virtually the definition of pick-up-and-play. And I heartily recommend the "deluxe version" which comes with the tap bell seen on service counters. Couple spirited yelling with the clanging of the bell, and you have a recipe that will make anyone not playing take notice. Any age can play. Any intoxication can play. I've found six players to be the right amount of chaos. With eight, it's hard to trade beyond the players nearest to you.

*****

I know I once made a derisive remark about games where you trade wheat. I wasn't coming close to talking about a game like this. Pit is raucous, easy to learn, and unlike fluffy getting-to-know-you games that practically TELL you the scorekeeping is for naught, Pit is fun whether you score five points or five million. Try it once, and you'll want to play it again.

Apples to Apples (1999)

2011-03-29T11:27:00.002-04:00

by Out of the Box, for at least 4 players

Apples to Apples is a popular non-game party game that's been around for over a decade, providing its followers with hundreds of expansion cards to satiate their wordplay appetites.

The rules are rather simple. Each player (the number of participants is virtually limitless) is dealt a hand of 7 nouns on red cards. These can range from Jesse Ventura to whipped cream to HMOs. One player assumes the rotating role of judge, and draws a green description card. Printed on it is a word, like "gorgeous" or "unusual." Each player throws down a noun. Unaware of the cards' owners, the judge decides which they like best, and that noun's owner keeps the green card. Whoever collects the pre-determined number first is the winner.

The supposed fun of playing Apples to Apples is in the judging. Hey look, the card says beautiful and you said pond scum! Ha ha ha ha ha. The description was gargantuan and the judge picked miniskirt! Ha ha ha ha ha. The people who suggest playing Apples to Apples refer back to all these times when the game was hilarious. They tell us about their "instant win" cards - the nouns so wacky, they'll always pick them as a winner.

Apples is given credit as a social activity - a game for people normally afraid of playing games. It's also cited as a great icebreaker, and I've been part of its use as such. I think you shut yourself off from learning about other people in playing this game. There's an almost total lack of creativity. You have a better shot to breed discussion and learn about people in the rather staid proceedings of Scattergories. If the players are less than verbal, there's nothing about Apples to Apples to coax them out of their shell. Apples to Apples might be the cheap beer of party games. Sure we're all loosening up, but what's this awful taste in our mouths?

The official rules say the last person to lay down their noun is automatically disqualified. This encourages speed, and contributes to the random "fun" of the game. Like what happens with a lot of popular games, most people who own Apples to Apples don't even know the rule exists. Those who do generally toss it out, because they want to keep the warm & fuzzy feeling in the air, and remove any pressure. Between the "aw shucks"-type fun, and a lack of meaningful scorekeeping, Apples to Apples sounds like it belongs in a therapy circle.

I've tried to give this game a fair shake, playing it in crowds of varying sizes and sense of humor. To make things any sort of fun, you have to wring this towel with both hands. Played in earnest, Apples to Apples is a DULL activity. Played carefree, people get enamored with judging in off-the-wall ways. In that atmosphere, you're better off playing a random card right away, hoping the game will end soon.

*¼

I've tried to see the light, but it just isn't there for me. If you have any say in the matter, try to avoid this "game." There are plenty of things to do at a party that provide more abject fun without the comedic heavy lifting Apples seems to require. As it stands, I've come up with more interesting things to do with the cards provided on my own. It's not freeform enough on its own to be really wacky.

For a true pick up and play experience, and a much greater batting average on fun, look no further than my next review.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: A & P

2011-03-28T22:13:00.000-04:00

Let's head back to board games, and check out selections that recently hit the game table around these parts, but missed hitting the review table here:

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (2007)
An at-home adaptation of the Jeff Foxworthy FOX game show. The amount of cards gave me the same feeling I have with any trivia game - it looks like I'm being ripped off. But you later realize you'll never see half of what they say in your lifetime. Played at home, your opponents take the role of "the fifth graders" whose proverbial test you can copy off of. To entice them not to sandbag, the game awards each success in that field $1,000. Given the game's $1,000,000 top prize, these awards are basically tiebreakers should two people reach the same plateau. That aside (it hasn't made the game less fun at home), the materials are nice enough, and the idea of the game is one many people get involved in. There's just a built-in enticement to the game's title question. ***¼ The material is a lot more straightforward, and easier, than its TV counterpart, which means a good number of players can march right up the money ladder.

Pop Smarts (1999)
Endless Games presents Pop Smarts, a test of knowledge in various aspects of pop culture. You spin the spinner to help choose a category - either TV, music, movies, books, or the game's wild card category, "pop-pourri." A series of clues are read which are either characters from the same TV show, songs from the same artist, etc. Being first to shout out the answer earns you points - up to 4 if you get it on the first clue. To win, you must answer a question in each of the five topics, and earn at least 25 points.

The category where you name the movie common to the actors listed takes a wild guess to earn top points on. The rules allow only one guess per question, so the first clue is basically useless, unless someone's desperate for points. A game like this lives and dies on the material, and for my money, it isn't very strong. The inclusion of books is curious, because the public's general knowledge of literature tends to be low. The times we played, books were mostly a dead end. The question cards are wider than letter-size paper, and handle awkwardly. Score is kept on dry erase cardboard. The rules page is meant to be conversational and fun, but ends up muddying things. Pop Smarts has minor potential, but really doesn't work if your players have uneven knowledge of pop culture. The method of winning leaves something to be desired as well. **

A to Z (1997)
In a nutshell, A to Z is Scattergories: Speed Edition. Each player is equipped with a plastic board showing each letter of the alphabet. X and Y share a space. On their turn, players shout out answers over a 15 or 30 second period that fit a category from the ubiquitous deck of cards. Every time you're right, you cover the first letter of the answer with a chip. The first player to terminate their entire board wins. Along the way, players can earn a free chip, which helps with the more odd letters. Some rounds have you take chips away from an opponent, rather than add them to your own board. That part made the game drag for us at times, extending the session beyond what felt appropriate. But overall, A to Z is a hit. A very accessible game that hits the same note we love from Outburst and other party games, with superlative materials. ***¾

Buckner & Garcia - Pac-Man Fever (1982)

2011-03-09T17:56:00.000-05:00

I was about to start work on a review of the Donkey Kong Country series. Searching for a title to the article, my brain stumbled upon "Do the Donkey Kong," a song by Buckner & Garcia. Famous for their 1982 top-ten hit "Pac-Man Fever," the duo were signed to cut an album full of video game-related songs, one of which was the aforementioned Donkey Kong track. As the story goes, the guys wanted to release their hit with a more varied selection of pop tunes, but the record company wanted the arcade stuff.

Before listening to this record, and doing the research, I assumed Buckner & Garcia were video game fans desperately looking for another single. I assumed the other seven tracks would be embarrassing attempts to recapture the Pac glory. Once I finally listened to them, I saw there was real songwriting talent behind all the allusions to joysticks.

Track listing:
1 - Pac-Man Fever (3:48)
2 - Froggy's Lament (3:18)
3 - Ode to a Centipede (5:37)
4 - Do the Donkey Kong (4:24)
5 - Hyperspace (4:07)
6 - The Defender (4:02)
7 - Mousetrap (4:00)
8 - Goin' Bezerk (4:17)

The opening track remains a home run, integrating real sound effects from the game into a more-than-capable pop song. Despite being labeled a novelty hit, "Pac-Man Fever" never feels exceptionally goofy. The musicianship is on point, with smooth backing vocals and a hummable melody. My main trepidation with listening to an entire album of these songs was because "Pac-Man Fever" was such a good overall tribute to the arcade era. If every song had such specific reverence to its corresponding video game, this would be a painful half hour.

So on to track two, "Froggy's Lament," which you can probably guess is inspired by the classic cross-the-road game Frogger. The gravelly narration reminds me of the song "Hot Rod Lincoln." It has the makings of a good B-side* to the title track because it's quick and catchy in its own right. The song isn't heavy-handed in referring to the game. No one's talking about quarters or high scores.

"Ode to a Centipede" is next, which switches things up from bouncy pop to a moodier vein. The dueling keyboard and driving piano are reminiscent of many 80s hits in a good way. Spoiling this atmosphere is the bizarre delivery of our singer on cheesy speaking parts. Among other things, he asks the titular centipede if he has Nikes for all of his feet. If "Centipede" took a page from the track before it, and dropped the overt game references, it could have been really cool. At over 5 minutes, it goes on a verse or few too long.

"Do the Donkey Kong" shares too many thematic elements with the title track for my tastes. It's not a bad song, but feels lazy in such close proximity to "Pac-Man Fever." Track five is called "Hyperspace," inspired by the game Asteroids. It too seems to suffer from being another fun and peppy song with well-executed rapid-fire lyrics near so many like it.

"The Defender" made me smile because it sounded like an 80s TV theme song through and through. I can just picture actors turning to the camera with cheeky acknowledgment as their credit appears. It bears repeating, though, that the sequence on this album is a detriment. Played in a row, these songs change just enough to sound fun when enjoyed in the background. Listened to with any attention, they run together. I guess I shouldn't be surprised given the genesis of this album. Their website reported it was turned out in a mere few weeks. But there was promise shown in the early tracks. The songs work better individually than in a collection.

"Mousetrap" keeps the hit coming, unfortunately. "Goin' Bezerk" takes us back to some kind of innovation. It would not sound out of place - stripped of video game lyrics and sound effects of course - among other midtempo 80s love songs. From where I sit, we end the album on a thumbs up.

***

What we basically have are two talented pop writers cornered by a concept. To draw a tortured analogy: none of the songs are gutter balls, but half of them just seem to be after getting to the end of the alley. It's a curious piece of nostalgia with songs other than the hit worth trying.

Little caveat emptor, however: the album was re-released and re-recorded for CD in 1999. That version sounds like one of those karaoke CDs, with the original game samples often replaced, and the music and vocals noticeably different from the slick production of the original "Pac-Man Fever" single.

* For the record, Pac-Man Fever's proper B-side in the 80s was simply an instrumental version.

The King's Speech (2010)

2011-03-07T17:42:00.003-05:00

Starring Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter, et al
Rated R, 118 minutes

This is the film that bested "Inception," "True Grit," "Black Swan," "The Social Network" and others for Best Picture.

"The King's Speech" tells us about Prince Albert, Duke of York (Firth), and his crippling speech problems. The public witnessed Berty stammer and pause through an awful speech at Wembley Stadium in 1925. After numerous attempts to correct the problem, he's all but given up. An icy meeting with a therapist named Lionel Logue (Rush) eventually reveals to Berty that there could be a cure. His speech improves, along with his trust for Logue, who tries and tries to discover the psychological issues behind the prince's stammer.

While the Duke deals with diction, his father King George V is dying, and frictions with Hitler and the rest of the world are growing. With his brother out of the picture and marrying his mistress, Berty will ascend to the throne as King Stammerer if he doesn't work quickly.

I've heard "Social Network" described as a movie with trendy modern subject matter that ends up boiling down to classic human elements. The same is true here, albeit flipped chronologically. The locale and time period act more as a backdrop to an enjoyable story about a royal and commoner developing a friendship. Our hero overcomes his demons and makes the world proud. The focus and enjoyment here were such that you forgot some characters even existed as the movie progressed. The comedy elements were welcome, and done well, but mixed oddly for me with the sleepier and more solemn tone other scenes had. The R rating is frankly silly, earned only through scenes where Berty comically swears to get over his stuttering.

I know it's perhaps paint-by-numbers to keep big picture stories simmering and form a more complete film universe. But I don't claim to be a genius of history, and it could have helped here. The office of Britain's prime minister changed "off camera." Having the threat of war overshadowed by Berty's personal struggle makes sense, but didn't make it any less jarring for me in the theater.

There were other story issues I had. In their first session, Logue blasts music in Berty's ears so he's not preoccupied with his stammering while he reads. It's patently obvious this will work, sure; but the camera remains trained on their faces, revealing immediately how well he can speak. Berty storms off with a "souvenir" recording of his voice, and a few scenes later - *gasp* - he plays it back, causing him to recant and embrace the open arms of the doc.

There were two better options from where I sat. They could have shot the two from the back if they insisted on being so slow with the reveal. Alternately, it could have been edited more comedicly, with Berty storming off in one shot, and back on the couch negotiating appointments in the next. I had similar "what if" wonders about how much (or little) we see the Duke actually speak before a crowd.

The shot framing during Logue & Berty's early meetings was screaming to be included in a film textbook. I'm sure the Academy predictably ate it up, even if I was rolling my eyes at it. Other techniques in the film screamed out to me with the same volume; a feeling I'm not used to. Maybe I was biased towards any air of pretension because the movie was set in England, and won Best Picture.

***½

"The King's Speech" was far from a waste of time, lest my words suggest otherwise. I just don't see reason to go back to it any time soon. It was charming. It was pleasant. Was it a big deal?

Freestyle 2/22/11 - Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Netflix

2011-02-22T11:26:00.001-05:00

The new season of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is past the halfway point. Over the holidays, I took the chance to catch up. Things really changed this year, with randomization aplenty. The first part of the game consists of ten questions. After seeing the categories (and ranking of difficulty), the order gets mixed up. Cash amounts ranging from $100 to $25,000 are randomly assigned to the new order. This means contestants could be answering the hardest question for $100, or the easiest one of the bunch for 25-grand.

Unlike the past, the money won is cumulative. Players can still ask the audience for help, but the other lifelines have been excised for two "jumps." If they don't know the answer, a player can choose to "jump" the question and move on to the next one. However, they forfeit the chance at whatever money was assigned to it - which could mean a five-figure payday floating to the ether. If the contestant answers incorrectly in this portion, they walk with $1,000. If they choose to leave the game, their accumulated money is cut in half. The final five questions of the game work exactly like the old days, culminating in a final challenge for $1,000,000.

I was skeptical of the changes going in, but frankly, Millionaire was boring the crap out of me. The show ran out of gas in the overexposed days of Regis. Somehow, Millionaire hung on for eight syndicated seasons after that with the same basic format. Sure they would change the lifelines, and even added a clock at one point, but it wasn't grabbing me. Because of the potential budget woes with doing Millionaire five days a week in syndication, they did a lot to keep contestants from the six-figures. In those rare moments each year where I'd check in, I saw people struggle to win $8,000. After playing a version of the new random format on their website, my eyes were going to be peeled.

Considering the above-mentioned money concerns, I was shocked at how fast things were moving. Either through editing or producer encouragement, players were super quick to make decisions. They got through at least twice as many questions as before, and the money sent out the door was tremendous.

Normally I would applaud this sort of pacing. The trivia was top-notch, and there's a lot of it each half hour. But a lot of times, I was wondering why an answer was correct. When you ask a "which of these..." question, where you pick the biggest/smallest/most-selling whatever, you want to know how the choices compare. No time for that here. Gotta keep pushin' forward. I wondered how this format would look to somebody coming in blind. Likely confusing. What I DO know is that the random elements brought me to a show I wouldn't normally watch, and made each episode different and exciting. Some may cry it's not their mother's Millionaire, but in my opinion, that ship sailed.

The Netflix instant streaming feature has been a good investment for me. The key thing I've enjoyed are TV seasons not yet (or never-going-to-be) on DVD, like King of the Hill, which stopped going to disc at season six. The entire run is up for grabs! The interface keeps track of what you watch, what you like, and even holds your partial views so you can rejoin an episode at the exact moment you left it. They have EVERY season of Saturday Night Live streaming! You too can finally relive the years after the original cast, and see just why they're so maligned. I've also been able to catch up on The Office. As much as I bum out at things going digital vs. tangible, this is a great medium for TV seasons. At less than $10 a month, it has a good chance of being worth it in your home.

Dream TV (1992)

2011-02-18T11:03:00.001-05:00

by Triffix
for Super Nintendo

I grew up in the age of Super Nintendo vs. Sega Genesis. My brother and I chose Super Nintendo, and my friends down the street Sega Genesis. Without the gaming inspiration of a next gen console, or a fast enough computer, I decided to go back in time. A time when the first Bush was president, "Blossom" was on TV and clunky gray cartridges were my newest technology. Not content to simply review a game I already owned and loved, I scanned a list of titles and picked a few that sounded interesting.

Enter "Dream TV." Want the backstory? You better Google. I assume the plot found on the web comes from the manual, which you can't find online. Two kids happen upon a hip new video game, which sucks them in the TV. An evil critic is holding them hostage. Only when they find puzzle pieces hidden in four different fantasy lands can they hope to escape. All of this is barely reflected in the cutscenes, so it helped to read it beforehand.

"Dream TV" is a platformer with two on-screen characters at once. You can tackle it co-op style with a buddy, or play alone, alternating characters with L and R. As a single player, you can choose to keep the view a split screen, or go full screen using Select. When two play at once, the screen widens out when you're near each other, and goes back to split as you get further apart. I tried two player mode briefly, and the effect made me seasick. I can't imagine it being easy.

Right as you start the game, the pooch is sort of screwed on the main story. Your first sight is two boys floating in some sort of TV screen being yakked at by a floating head, whom you know nothing about (provided you didn't Google). The idea of being stuck in the TV and fighting your way out seems tailor made for a video game. There's a lot of potential ground to cover. Here, the idea feels tacked on, like it was added to a generic platform game to make it somehow cohesive. Why are you collecting puzzle pieces? Why not chewy chewy taffy? Why do these puzzle pieces satisfy the critic? Unrealized promising concept #1.

The reason you have two characters is because of the obstacles you'll encounter. Sometimes you need to act in concert with your teammate to progress. The most common form is the seesaw. One player bounces another in the air to help them make a jump, or reach the next part of the stage. In the short time I could handle playing, saying the potential for this feature was barely explored is a compliment. Promising concept #2.

The basics of platforming are not handled well here. Hit detection is beyond frustrating. I think my character looked at a spike and died for his trouble. Your sprites jump with all the subtle handling of a paddle boat. There are many enemies you simply can't kill with any weapon. Did you know small rats running by your feet can take large chunks of your life force away? Explains the violence of the rat trap, doesn't it? Sometimes you enter a new screen and meet unavoidable attacks that take a life. A forest area in the first stage is rife with opportunities to die, like randomly flying animals that take three hits apiece from your pathetic weapon. And KILLER BEES.

The two characters share a pool of 10 lives. As a first timer, you'll run out halfway through the first level. The only form of saving or continuing are the passwords you get after completing each stage. Given there are four total stages in the game, the passwords take some time to get to. If you fly solo, be careful where you leave your non-active character. He can lose all your lives simply by standing near respawning enemies. Yes, enemies respawn on an inconsistent basis. Isn't that fun?

Some holes lead you to other parts of the map. Many others simply cost you a life. I think the designers intended exploring each level to figure out, through excruciating trial and error, just what the correct solutions were. To be honest, I was intrigued enough to battle through the first level over and over again until I got that sucker right. After finally achieving victory and moving to stage two, I was suddenly reminded of where I came from. New level, new unfair challenges. I burned through my remaining six lives quickly, not nearly as intrigued anymore. I tried several more times to give the game the fairest shake I could, falling to my death in an attempt to find more screens.

*½

I think "Dream TV" swims around the "so bad it's good" category. I think it's worth a shot if only to see how bad a game can really get. It's not so bad it's unplayable - it's funny bad, in the sense you'll constantly get hit and wonder what the hell's going on. Maybe one day I'll stomach it out with a partner and try to get past stage two. But they undercooked SO many parts of this game, it's disappointing to try again.

Cedar Rapids (2011)

2011-02-14T20:30:00.000-05:00

Starring Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Isiah Whitlock Jr., et al
Rated R, 86 minutes

Insurance agent Tim Lippe (Helms) comes from a small town and a small firm that are both stuck in time. Tim's straight-and-narrow as they come, wearing an honest haircut, not quite figuring out prostitutes, and trying to tie down his teacher-turned-piece-of-ass with a promise ring. After the star agent dies in a kinky sex accident, Tim is selected to represent the company at ASMI, the annual convention where one firm takes home the coveted Two Diamond award.

Upon arrival, white bread Tim finds himself bunking with Dean Ziegler (Reilly), his polar opposite, and someone his boss told him to avoid. Tim grows to be life of the party in many comically satisfying ways, and finds out what it really takes to be a Two Diamond winner.

This laugh-out-loud (and delightfully raunchy) comedy had some heart; strange given the fact our eventual heroes include a divorced alcohol abuser and a cheating wife. I don't know if our rooting for them is more a comment on good filmmaking or the state of morality these days, but kudos in any case. John C. Reilly puts forth a great performance, feeling every bit like the boorish class clown he's portraying in the unglamorous world of small-time insurance. You wouldn't expect that to be a role with nuance, but a lot of the little things in this movie sell the character. The upper middle class teems with little Zieglers, and the spirit was well captured.

Awards for perfect capturing and doing little things go out early and often with this film. I could feel, and even smell the Holiday Inn-like trappings our conventioneers found themselves in. The wood panel-heavy company office was an appropriate time capsule - not overdone. The realism made everything that much funnier.

Anne Heche co-stars as a sexy love interest. Also appearing in significant roles are Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Root, Mike O'Malley and Kurtwood Smith. Smaller roles were populated by other great character actors. MANY nods go to casting.

***¾

At 86 minutes, "Cedar Rapids" was a potent comic punch. I wish it weren't so hunky-dory with the plot development at times, but the full laughter I experienced time and again was worth the price of admission - and later, assumedly, the DVD.

You Don't Know Jack (2011)

2011-02-11T10:12:00.006-05:00

by Jellyvision & THQ
for Playstation 3, Wii, DS, Xbox 360 & PC
PS3 version reviewed

The Jack is FINALLY back, baby. You've been gone too long! And the time off didn't go to waste - Jack is thoroughly updated with a slicker look and a new format.

In case you need to play catch-up: "You Don't Know Jack" was a best-selling computer game in the mid-1990s. The concept? A sarcastic, adult trivia game. The smarmy voiceover artist asked wacky multiple choice questions for various amounts of fake dough. Copies flew off the shelves, and there were a million sequels and special editions. After a weekly internet version, primetime TV show, book series, console version, and tabletop game, the companies behind "You Don't Know Jack" drifted away.

But now they're back, and the spirit of the game is exactly the same. Sample question: "Suppose Jackson Pollock had become a sandwich artist at Subway. What would his supervisor have noted about his performance?" and "What do a Victoria's Secret model and the mineral feldspar have in common?"

Tom Gottlieb returns as host Cookie Masterson. Tom's recognizable voice can be heard on the syndicated "Whacked Out Sports." Up to four players can join at one console, and there's an option to go online.

The game takes place over three rounds. In round 1, you're presented with a category, and a four-choice multiple choice question. All players participate at once, using buttons on their controller to secretly lock in. The faster you are, the more you can score. A wrong answer deducts the amount. So if you stop the clock with 15.62 seconds left, your answer could be worth $1,562 in score money.

Each player is also equipped with a screw. By hitting their screw button, one player can force another player to answer in just 5 seconds. If they're right, the screw karma turns around, and the screwer loses the cash. But if the screw was successful, the player who launched it automatically scores that amount, before the remaining three choices go up for grabs to the player(s) left standing.

One of the first five questions is a Dis or Dat. The player in last gets a chance at this mini-game featuring seven statements. They have to decide whether the statement applies to choice A, choice B, or (sometimes) both. For example: name of a Pope, or a Britney Spears song? Added for this version is the ability to steal. The other players in the game choose alongside the player in the hot seat. If the stealer chose right when the hot seat player was wrong, the stealers split the money with anyone else who was successful.

A second round is played with five more questions and double the stakes. Adding further intrigue is the "Wrong Answer of the Game," sponsored by a fictitious company. Once during the first two rounds, a secret wrong answer associated with that "company" is displayed. If chosen, the player or players involved claim $4,000 or $8,000 each, depending on the round. Yowza. Off the top of my head, if the "company" were Dr. Wristdeep Proctology, the choice worth $8,000 might be "Cigarette Butt."

The third and final round is the Jack Attack, a staple of the series from day one. A central subject floats in the middle of the screen, and clues fly by around it. Buzzing in first when the clue matches the subject earns $4,000. Buzzing in any time on a wrong clue deducts $4,000 for each infraction. If the category were "Auntie Up" and the subject Lisa Simpson, you're looking to buzz on "Aunt Patty and Selma."

As I said, "You Don't Know Jack" has been updated for the next generation, playing in full HD with dazzling new graphics. There are several question themes that get their own cool animation. The question number jokes and jingles we knew and loved from the past are as catchy and fun as before. All the other trappings of being a fake game show are there, such as the crew milling in the beginning, and the hilarious voiceovers during the credits.

As for the new format? Again, to catch-up, the "old" games used a typical buzz-in format, where the first player to buzz got first crack at the choices. With dominant players who could read ahead, this made things boring for some people. This new version involves everybody every time, making this game an easier choice for your next party.

Where does it fail? The Wrong Answer of the Game concept, while clever, is perhaps a little broken. On the surface, it looks like it could redeem a lagging player who lucks in to the $8,000 and finds themselves competitive again. In practice, the players with the most gamesmanship keep their eyes out for it, and usually add the money to an already impressive total.

The Jack Attack is far out of balance with the scoring elsewhere. At $4,000 a pop, if one player is quick on the trigger, they're locking out the competition, rendering the first 90% of the game useless. Perhaps adjusting this to $2,500 or so would make it more palatable; or, adding more questions to the earlier rounds. In my experience, there was virtually no screwing in the first round, because the questions were vastly more straightforward than in round 2.

***¾

The game comes with 73 "episodes," and the ability to download more in the future. The questions are as clever - if not moreso - than they ever have been. Our room laughed out loud several times, owing to the talented Mr. Gottlieb, and the team of writers behind him. I only hope the issues are cleared up for a sequel, which is bound to happen given how well this new version knocks it out of the park. And let's see some more question types! "Jack" for the console retails at $30, with the upcoming download packs (as of now) at $5. The PC game is $20.

Added note: The PC version only supports two live players at a time - there's no online multiplayer and no downloadable content. This could have been a perfect opportunity to pack in "Buzz!"-like controllers to disperse people from the keyboard and make it compatible for four. However, with the scales tilting in favor of consoles these days, I can see why they didn't go out of their way. Just a small shame to see the one-time bread & butter for the series get ignored.

Also, the Wii version doesn't go online, and doesn't appear to support downloadable content either. But you can still crowd around with 4 players and taunt them accordingly.

Freestyle 2/10/11 - Archer, Upright Citizens Brigade, American Chopper

2011-02-10T13:48:00.002-05:00

I am loving "Archer" on FX. It's a delightfully raunchy cartoon about a not-so-slick spy agency. It may be the most overtly dirty animated show ever. "Archer" comes from the same stable as "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and other Adult Swim favorites - but don't let that deter you. While I found a lot of those shows too random, "Archer" is on point, and every episode has left me wanting more. The running jokes are a highlight. The cast features Chris Parnell, Jessica Walter, Aisha Tyler, and H. Jon Benjamin in the starring role. If the name isn't familiar, the voice will be - H. Jon appears the movie-obsessed clerk on "Family Guy" and the title character on "Bob's Burgers." If you love adult animation, "Archer" is an easy choice, Thursdays at 10 PM.

The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre is an absolute treat if you live in, or plan to visit Southern California. You may remember the short-lived sketch comedy series on Comedy Central; but this building does improv classes by day, and dirt cheap stage shows by night. These shows feature top-notch talent and super value for your nightlife dollar. I have attended two since moving to Los Angeles, each with a ticket price of five dollars.

The first was entitled "Greatest Concert Ever" and featured members of the troupe acting as the house band and hosts for the evening. One played a fictional songwriter from a fictional band, while another played Tom Waits, who you may remember from Tom Waits. Backing them up was "fat Keith Moon," a black gentleman who sat at the drum kit with a box of Twinkies. The band introduced up-and-coming comedians playing bizarre takeoffs on rock personalities. After engaging in some banter, and audience Q&A, they would break into song. For example, we were visited by "Mick Jagger making snacks for his friends," where a diminutive actor marched out with a Mick strut, giving sass to a snack bowl and a Tolberone bar. Someone in the audience asked if he "really fucked Janice Dickinson" which became a running gag when every guest thereafter was asked the same thing. The sheer lunacy of it all, combined with the energy of a real-life rock band in the intimate theater, made for an evening I won't soon forget.

The second show I attended was simply called "Facebook." Originally based on MySpace, one improv actor interviewed a member of the audience, and their Facebook was put on a projector screen. The interviewer would dissect their photos and updates, whilst three other actors sat offstage conjuring ideas and interjecting with their own questions. After the interview, the troupe would assemble to improvise scenes based off the interview. I initially expected tortured recreations of the exact stories told, but what I got was much better and clever. If a woman talked about flashing the football team in high school, it might get turned around into a bawdy scene at Thanksgiving dinner. The slices of life were used, but almost never copied. Even though the show's based off two audience members' Facebook pages, credit goes to the amazing cast for developing work around it. The performance I saw featured Seth Morris, Rob Huebel and Owen Burke - the latter two once panelists on VH1's "Best Week Ever." Rounding out the quartet was "Daily Show" and SNL alum Rob Riggle, then hot off the release of "The Other Guys." His boisterous contributions helped make the night special.

I heartily recommend giving one of their shows a try. Their home on the web is ucbtheatre.com, and there's a location in New York as well.

The latest season of "American Chopper" is hit and miss - mostly miss. The series had gotten noticeably long in the tooth over the past few years. The Teutul's sudden family feud, resulting in the firing of Junior, and Junior's opening a competing shop, injected new life in the franchise. The resulting shows, however, are difficult to enjoy. Watching these grown men snipe at each other amid suits and countersuits is a lot like being the child of a divorcee. Senior's lack of ability to articulate what's going on makes watching OCC segments a chore. You also realize that perhaps everything interesting has already been done with custom motorcycles. I'm interested in the big picture outcomes here. But the dull back-and-forth building combined with uncomfortable family in-fighting makes for a not-so-tasty recipe.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Buy & Sell

2011-02-05T16:00:00.001-05:00

Television goes through a lot of fads. The most recent centers around the notion of hidden treasures. Regular people find or sell irregular things, and make regular fortunes doing it. The first show we'll cover is one of cable's highest rated shows, surely making its benefactors as happy as the customers.

Pawn Stars; History Channel
Welcome to the Gold & Silver pawn shop in Las Vegas, Nevada. Presiding over the counter are the Harrison family - owner Rick, son Corey, and Rick's father, "The Old Man." Also along for the ride is Corey's childhood friend, and plus-sized comic relief, Chumlee. In each half hour episode, this core group of four provide background information and prices on customer items ranging from vintage cars to historic documents and kitschy collectibles.

"Pawn Stars" has a definite formula, but it's a delightful formula. Two of the guys will entertain a seller's pitch on some piece of merchandise, often fanning claims that the piece is from a certain period in history and that it's super valuable and rare. The pair look it over and insist on calling "a buddy" to give it a proper once-over. After cutting to a few purchases that resolve themselves, the expert comes in and gives their analysis. The customer will ask for the full value as determined by the expert, while the men behind the counter scoff and talk him down because "they got to make a profit." When they arrive on a price, a firm handshake and a trip to "write it up" seal the deal. Imagine all of that punctuated by breathy, but boisterous laughter from Rick.

The items are great, and the Harrison family are a lot of fun to watch. An added bonus are the occasional restorations of old items, from more of Rick's "buddies." Think of it as a testosterone version of Antiques Roadshow, with a little bit of the before-and-after reveal typical of makeover and home design shows - only here it's usually a vintage vehicle. "Pawn Stars" is easy to pick up for hours at a time, and deserving of all its success. You feel a charge whether somebody just made thousands off an attic treasure, or Rick has to tell them it's not worth anything. Vegas thrill without the colossal risk. ****½

Storage Wars; A&E
Here's a business you might not knew existed. When people default on paying for storage lockers, the contents go bye-bye in a public auction. "Storage Wars" follows four groups who turn around these lockers for profit in California.

These are some great, great characters. Dave Hester's deep pockets, bid-up techniques and snide attitude make him the villain. Jarrod & Brandi are a young couple just entering the field. Darryl and his son are Dave's closest competition, but are portrayed in a far more favorable light. Barry Weiss is the wild card. The only player without a store to sell these wares, Barry targets collectibles that draw a high dollar.

The auctions teem with human drama. Post-game interviews reveal the fortunes and intentions behind every bid. Buyers are only permitted five minutes to look before bidding, and they can't go beyond the door to see the contents. After the sale, we see if the risk was worth the reward, as the winner digs and digs for something special. What turns up can vary widely. Sometimes a fortune in jewelry can be found; other times, the finds are just gross.

Between the delightfully over-the-top reality side, and the amazing discoveries in the lockers, "Storage Wars" is a great half hour. The episodic tracking of the profits adds to the fun, although it shines a light on the show's only flaw. The supposed "value" of the items often comes from appraisal only. ****¾

American Pickers; History Channel
Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz travel the country in their Antique Archaeology van to pick through garbage. Deep within abandoned farms, or amidst wrecked vehicles in a big backyard, the Iowa-based pair find rare items to sell.

While "Storage Wars" uses a supposed value on occasion to draw its conclusions, "American Pickers" is guilty 99% of the time. This makes the alleged success of a pick unsatisfying to me. Also, the show's stars appear opportunistic compared to their contemporaries on the above-mentioned shows. They openly revel in getting a low price for an item they can turn around for three times as much in their store. Mike & Frank most often deal with collectors like themselves. With both parties knowing the worth of their items and looking out for their own gains, the dealing is seedy by comparison. Personal enjoyment of the show almost relies on an interest in what they're finding. Mike & Frank treasure old signage and pumps from the gas stations of yore, and even find value in dilapidated bike parts they can sell to other eccentric junk collectors.

Not a bad show - a worthy companion to "Pawn Stars," in fact. But these oddities, combined with a one-hour run time, make it less easy to pick up and enjoy. ***

Million Dollar Money Drop (FOX)

2011-02-03T16:28:00.002-05:00

hosted by Kevin Pollak
debuted 12/20/2010; 60 minutes

"Million Dollar Money Drop" is another in a line of imported game show formats from the UK. Two players work as a team to protect as much of their opening stake as possible - $1,000,000 in cash - through seven questions. The first three questions have four multiple choices. After selecting from two possible categories, the pair have 60 seconds to decide how to divvy up their money. Moving the $20,000 bundles, the team can put all of their money on one choice or choose to spread it out. But they must use all the bundles, and they must leave one choice completely uncovered. Money on wrong answers drops by way of trap door, with money on the right answer moving forward to the next question.

The fourth, fifth and sixth questions have one fewer choice. The time limit increases as the game goes on. Throughout, the contestants have one opportunity to "quick change" and give themselves 30 more seconds to waffle. The seventh and final question has only two choices, forcing an all-or-nothing affair. Any money left is theirs to split.

Quickly, the title becomes a misnomer. The game is not about winning a million dollars, it's about survival. This is a sticking point for many of the show's critics, and initially it didn't bother me. As I watched more episodes, though, the dwindling fortunes became a downer. When teams don't completely lose, as it often happens, they scrape by with only a few bundles left. Teams who try to play smart and split when they're unsure HAVE to lose a lot to continue. The biggest rewards come to the biggest gamblers, and we all know what edge the house has in that.

Questions on "Money Drop" are not "what's the capital of" this or "what's the chemical symbol of" that. Contestants generally have to decide which option is the outlier - which of these TV shows was highest rated, which of these songs is longer, which of these was sold first. When that construct isn't used, surveys and statistics come into play, as couples wrestle with how many pairs of shoes the average woman has, or what activity more adults spend money on each year.

Again, many see this as a fault. I see it as a positive. It makes the show more engaging and accessible. If you ask a question about characters in a specific work of literature, you've already lost those people not familiar with the work. Ask that same audience to pick the most common computer password, and now there's discussion.

While the material provides good fodder for an at-home shouting game, life changing sums of money go out the door in the studio. Earlier taped games saw much more esoteric questions at crucial stages in the game. The producers look to be fixing that as time wears on. Another sticking point from the initial episodes was the pacing. At first, couples played the entire hour, and money dropped more often on a choice-by-choice basis. Later, especially on the early gimmes, the doors were opened faster. Two couples were now featured per hour. It's much more tolerable that way.

I have to give some credit to the casting department here. In the new school of game shows, a lot of broadstroke, stereotype-laden "characters" play the role of contestant. While it's still a reality on "Money Drop," a healthy number of teams demonstrate refreshing trivia aptitude. Faced with questions where you have to reason a choice, rather than outright know it, these teams draw upon facts they do know to help make their decision.

***¼

Kevin Pollak is a bright spot. He handles the proceedings with an appropriate amount of tension, and delivers the game beats in a convincing way. The dust-up over the Post-Its question is more of an unfortunate reaction by the press and those contestants than anything that damns the show. The biggest issue is the pacing, which is getting better. As it is, "Million Dollar Money Drop" works best as background noise, or as a conversation piece in a living room get-together.

Inception (2010)

2011-02-02T18:59:00.006-05:00

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Cillian Murphy, et al
Rated PG-13, 148 minutes

I remember the fervor when "Inception" came out. People were doing a proverbial look over their shoulder to make sure this minute in time wasn't all a dream. Bloggers were debating the ending, whirring things into a convoluted storm that was hard to interpret without knowledge of the film. This sort of thing acts as anti-buzz to me. I hate hearing the funniest quotes from a movie whose trailer I haven't even seen. I admit that as a fault; therefore "Inception" didn't get the chance I should have given it.

"Inception" is a movie about extraction. This is a process by which our main characters go within people's dreams, and then journey to a dream within that. By doing so, they "mine" your subconscious for secrets. Cobb (DiCaprio) and his partner Arthur (Gordon-Levitt) infiltrate the mind of an energy tycoon, who wants to use the technique to plant an idea. Inception. He wants his competitor (Murphy) to break up the family business, thus making it easier to dominate the market himself.

As the movie rolls on, a number of concepts are introduced that I found fascinating. Characters carry a "totem" - a unique object they pull out to confirm the world they're in is real. Dreams require an "architect," someone who can conjure up a believable physical setting. This person has to stay in the real world, where what happens to them affects the dream and its physics. Also posing a problem are attacks by a subject's subconscious. When the mind senses an intruder, projections of thought descend upon them. There are a number of rules and things to consider - all worth the mental investment as a viewer.

I'm not one for debating the ending, or really anything about it. I think doing so would be aggravating, and probably take away from the film. With so much to work through, I'd rather just accept these ideas and turn my brain off to any implausibilities. Standing alone as a couple-hour form of entertainment, I enjoyed it immensely, and fantasized about a world where we can get inside people's dreams - as well as the terror of languishing in limbo.

Given that we're often in dreamland, the visuals had to be taken to some unreal places. These effects succeed. When Ellen Page's character starts to see the potential of literally creating the world, the look is almost creepy. Streets that turn at 90 degree angles into the sky - that sort of thing.

****¼

Leonardo DiCaprio continues a run of impressing me. Joseph Gordon-Levitt adds to an already stellar resume, and I'm sure to see lots of him in the future. I hope there's a director's cut. I felt the theatrical cut was missing key cutaways to a slowly falling van.

Bait and Switch (2005)

2010-09-04T20:34:00.001-04:00

by Barbara Ehrenreich
237 pages

In "Nickel and Dimed," Barbara Ehrenreich assumed the identity of a homemaker who wanted a job - any job. She toiled as a retail "associate," housekeeper and waitress, and saw just how bad things are at the bottom. In "Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream," she becomes Barbara Alexander, a public relations consultant who wants to break into the corporate world. She massages her past into a half-convincing resume, buys a new tan-colored professional wardrobe, and off she goes.

Like the aforementioned book on lower class jobs, Barbara takes on the white-collar world under certain conditions. One of her rules is that she must utilize the supposed help for people in her situation. Thus, Barbara shells out thousands forhalf-baked "premium" job boards on the web, and frequently vacations to Atlanta for "networking events."

Despite using the word "must" frequently, Barbara Alexander uses her Barbara Ehrenreich ethics to weasel out of job leads that may have given her that glimpse inside the corporate world. The fact that (spoiler alert) she largely gives up on her job search, not even committing the time she originally sets for herself, undermines her conclusions at the book's end. I think she thought her talent for writing would be evident, despite the faked 'n' fluffy resume omitting her actual credits.

If her optimism on gaining anything of value from these networking sessions was in earnest, then I have some concern for Barbara's grasp of the modern picture. She was offered a job in sales for a major insurance company that sounded a lot like the bites my resume gets at Monster or CareerBuilder. Yes, you have experience in TV production Jason - come sell insurance for us! I think a self-respecting business professional would see through these hundreds-an-hour "coaching" sessions, as they reek of infomercial. Those sessions use more acronyms than an AOL chat session about "Star Trek" (TOS or TNG?).

It's a little funny, and a little sad, to see these cult-like workshops for the white-collar worker "in transition." The earlier chapters describing these personality tests and Dr. Phil-like motivation provide some laughter. You wonder who in their right mind would attend, and you're thankful it's not you. Later, it becomes tiresome - you see the book's three-quarters done, and she's starting another anecdote on a nothing event. If this counts as experience in finding a white collar job, then I must have two books in me.

**¼

"Nickel and Dimed" gave the hourly worker a chance to bathe in Barbara's empathy and say yes, somebody notices me. "Bait and Switch" is just depressing. It's another reminder of how big business is changing, with the added knife twist of seeing the displaced from the ground floor. People who made the "right" moves (college, career, etc.) ending up in the wrong places. With her actual experiment a failure, there leaves little reason to pick this one up.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

2010-08-31T02:35:00.001-04:00

Starring Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Ellen Wong, et al
Rated PG-13, 112 minutes

Ooh, graphic novel.

"Scott Pilgrim vs. the World," based on a series of graphic novels (ooh), stars Michael Cera as the titular man pitted against the globe. Scott plays bass in a typical young slacker band, and has attracted a 17-year-old girl named Knives (Wong), which brings forth nothing but jokes for the 20-something musician. Reeling from a previous relationship's end that's the cause of his current ladykilling and immaturity, Scott soon becomes transfixed with a recent arrival to town named Ramona Flowers (Winstead). But to truly date her, Scott has to vanquish her seven evil exes.

Whereas a movie like "300" paid slight homage to its graphic background, "Scott Pilgrim" is literally a comic come to life. I wish my phone had "RRRRRRING" coming out of it when I got a call. The styling of the movie is utterly unique.

For products of the Nintendo generation, you've got a visual and aural buffet here. The influence of video games is heavy. Devoted gamers will notice many of their favorite sound effects making audio cameos. The quest to defeat the exes ends up a parody of many great video games. For me, the shift from quirky looking comedy with Michael Cera playing Michael Cera into super fantasy video game land was drastic and unexpected. It comes some ways into the film. The pacing of the each ex's appearance was a little off; the movie started to feel like it was being played off stage with music, fitting in those final ninety thank yous.

Amidst the CGI wonder were some clever jokes and great comic timing, namely from co-star Kieran Culkin. Nearly all the females caught my eye; I'm a sucker for that "band chick" look I guess.

****

It's perhaps too bad "Scott Pilgrim" came this far into Michael Cera's filmography. Sure, he's played the same type of character time and time again. But this movie brought a lot of originality to the table in terms of visual style that will be hard to duplicate without looking like a total ripoff. Certainly makes a case for seeing it on the big screen, where its full sensory potential can be realized. I imagine its memorable qualities will hinge upon that, rather than any specific performances or dialogue.

Nickel and Dimed (2001)

2010-08-23T15:43:00.003-04:00

by Barbara Ehrenreich
221 pages

Now popular for study, "Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America" documents a well-to-do writer experiencing the low-wage world hands on. In 2010, you might call her effort Morgan Spurlock-like. Setting some ground rules, Barbara tries moving into a town and finding work that will sustain her expenses, from housing on down. The key rule is that she can't use her prior professional experience. She's left with a spotty resume, trying to finding work in hotels, restaurants, and retail stores. The book takes place in the late 90s, and only feels just slightly dated.

There's a distinct lack of science in the process that may discourage readers who come off of "Super Size Me" and other more definitive projects. But the book is a true page-turner, and that's ultimately what matters with regards to the score here. Ehrenreich's toiling is something that makes me, and I'm sure many others reading, raise their hand and say "me too." Her humor is evident throughout, even causing a belly laugh or two from this reader. The hard facts come in the conclusion. It serves to support the observations made through the body of the book.

In fact, where the "rules" go disobeyed, something else emerges. For example, when cleaning products at one job give Barbara a terrible rash, she calls her doctor back home to prescribe something sight unseen. It doesn't cheapen the experiment so much as it makes you dwell on what somebody actually living check-to-check would have to do.

And what they do in this book is pretty sobering. Sustainable housing comes more often in the form of weekly hotel rooms, sharing limited space, or even their own vehicles - if they're lucky enough to have one. Staying above water is rarefied air.

Barbara shows us several times that wages don't measure a person. "Unskilled worker" turns out to be a misleading term. As somebody still going back and forth from the hourly sector, it's a welcome observation on a stage where more can see it. My colleagues in retail have their talents, and they're not stupid. It's popular logic to assume others' plight is always their own doing. With these wages and housing costs up against them, not everybody with ambition can fight the current.

She also talked about the hidden pride workers like this develop, which I can attest to. The most disgruntled employee, years in to their demands for raises, will still work at above-average levels, if only to defend their own dignity against a customer who looks down on them. In this sort of climate, management's demands can get in the way of how workers see their job and how it's best performed.

****¼

"Nickel and Dimed" reads quick. Unfortunately, respect for the people who clean and serve for us won't be. The solution provided by Ehrenreich calls for an organizing of the workers. For many reasons, that simply can't happen, and won't work. Perhaps the book's best service is to give others a glimpse as to what goes in to their Big Mac and fries, or their next purchase at the discount store. At one summer engagement in such employ, it always brought me a touch of sadness to see the salaries and benefits these 40-and-50-somethings were fighting for, after a decade-plus "career" with the company. The same can be said here, and hopefully it pays dividends of kindness for the customers of the 9-to-5 servant.

Desperate Networks (2006)

2010-08-21T12:53:00.001-04:00

by Bill Carter
389 pages

My dreams and goals in life have always pointed me towards television. I feel like actively disclosing that fact, because it kept me glued to "Desperate Networks" in an outsider-hoping-to-be-insider-looking-in vain. Your mileage will almost certainly vary depending on your curiosity with the industry.

Bill Carter is your author, media reporter for the New York Times, whose calling card was the 1994 book "The Late Shift," which later became a pay cable TV movie. That book took us behind the curtain as Jay Leno and David Letterman angled for "The Tonight Show."

This book takes us through the halls of the major networks' headquarters, as the big wigs reluctantly greenlight current smash hits, and walk ass backwards into huge profits, receiving all the congratulations of somebody who planned it since birth. Carter chronicles, for instance, which networks had the chance to grab "Survivor" and "American Idol" before they found their current TV homes. The book is largely about the years 2000 through 2005.

Style choices do become obstacles, however. When we meet a new character, we're often taken out of the linear story and given a mini-bio. This can feel like an unnecessary detour when more exciting developments are happening at the macro level. Parenthetical information about certain executives is nastily forced into sentences where it doesn't belong. I probably had to backtrack and reframe information for myself ten times through the reading of this book.

Where the book succeeds, it really succeeds. The brief portion discussing the sudden end of Peter Jennings' life and career was especially emotional. I knew the basic A-to-B version. But with the perspectives inside ABC News that Carter can provide, it's tough to get through without getting caught up in it.

****

"Desperate Networks" is a fine piece of narrative journalism. While it has its problems, they don't keep it from being a fascinating read for somebody aspiring to be in television, or just very interested in it. Given how both the television and book businesses work, "Networks" can only provide a snapshot, rather than analysis. There's essentially no ending, because the war is continually being fought. Certain parts - namely the comeback of "Desperate Housewives" creator Marc Cherry - can be used to start a larger thought process on how it all works, and how lives can be altered by a silly little box. Or, these days, a flat rectangle.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: I Love LA

2010-08-14T17:20:00.003-04:00

This time around I document the movies I've seen since relocating to Los Angeles (minus "The Other Guys," which is the post before this one). A little bit of second-run, a little bit of Netflix, and some recent comedies to hit the big screen.

GET HIM TO THE GREEK (2010) – Rated R, 109 minutes
Russell Brand stars as Aldous Snow, the sex-driven rock star from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." After releasing one of the worst albums in music history, Aldous goes back to drugs and alcohol, his life a professional and personal mess. Jonah Hill, playing a new character who's fond of Aldous, is trying to arrange a comeback concert. It's a tough sell, and later a tough job, to even get Aldous where he needs to be. Sean Combs (or Diddy 3.1 as I believe he's called now) was a particular highlight, providing healthy laughs early and often as boss of the record company. I enjoyed myself at "Greek," but it suffered from spinning off "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Funny, but didn't feel like a worthy-enough follow-up. ***¼

TiMER (2009) – Rated R, 99 minutes
What if you knew when you'd meet your true love? That's the basic question of "TiMER," set in a universe where people can implant themselves with a device that counts them down to that precise moment. Unless of course your true love doesn't have one, in which case your timer's blank. The concept alone, once fully realized, provided a lot of discussion and thought among those of us who watched it. The characters were fun, easy to root for, and the movie was clever. Emma Caulfield and JoBeth Williams were among the stars. An easy choice for rental. ****

GROWN UPS (2010) – Rated PG-13, 102 minutes
Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James and Rob Schneider play five friends who bonded over a grade school basketball championship. When their coach dies 30 years later, everybody meets for the funeral, seeing what each is like all grown up. The funeral leads to a weekend with the families at the lake, which leads to a rematch at the basketball court. "Grown Ups" was a huge disappointment given the reputation of these five actors. A vast majority of the jokes were woefully tame. I did like its stance on kids being brought up in a technological age, but I likely would have enjoyed the movie more if it followed in the footsteps of Sandler's earlier, raunchier comedies. **½

PULP FICTION (1994) – Rated R, 154 minutes
Quentin Tarantino's masterpiece. The revival of John Travolta's career. Wildly funny; the situations I laughed at could only be so funny when presented in this way by these people. Going in, I thought the all-over chronology would annoy me. But it was not an obstacle at all. Supremely entertaining. I can't give it the full five, but I can't pinpoint the reason not to either. Maybe it was the dancing. ****¾

The Other Guys (2010)

2010-08-12T17:42:00.000-04:00

Starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Michael Keaton, et al
Rated PG-13, 107 minutes

There have been many movies made about heroic policemen, who cause explosions and car crashes along the way to becoming talk of the town. But what about the people in the office? What about the officers who don't get snappy lines? This is a movie about them. The other guys.

"The guys" in this case are Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock, who bring the funny in the first part of the movie. They give way to the glory-less duo of Will Ferrell & Mark Wahlberg. Will is a cop who pushes paper. Mark is a cop who wants to be a big deal, but has a shame within the ranks of the department. He's always trying to drag Will Ferrell's character out on a call. They only seem to make their reputation worse. When one of the less exciting leads opens up a wealth of other crime, the duo thinks they finally found their ticket.

Mark Wahlberg brings the same intensity and shouting I loved him for in "The Departed," only this time with a comic bent. Despite Will Ferrell doing his usual thing, they make a great pair. There are a number of jokes that blindside you - absurdity where you didn't expect it. I kept the description above vague for that reason. There's big laughs that work for the majority of the crowd, and lots of little stuff peppered in for the more attentive viewer. Michael Keaton's slightly over-the-top performance as police captain, coupled with a rival cop played by Rob Riggle of "The Daily Show," add to the fun.

***¾

I laughed out loud a good number of times. An easy earmark for your summer movie budget.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Movies Volume III

2010-02-16T13:02:00.006-05:00

This brief set of capsule reviews takes you slowly back in time, from a movie out this month, to two movies released 3 years ago.

VALENTINE'S DAY (2010) – Rated PG-13, 125 minutes
A bevy of stars are involved in this travelogue of love in Los Angeles. We go back and forth and back and forth between Ashton Kutcher, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts, Taylor Swift, Topher Grace & Anne Hathaway - plus several others - to see how the holiday of hearts treats them. It does its job as a tolerable movie to see with a date, but leaves no huge lasting impression. Should do well once it hits TV, as there's little to digest, and a lot of chances for the ladies to "aww" and tear up. ***¼

WATCHMEN (2009) – Rated R, 162 minutes
Adapted from a comic book, "Watchmen" is set in an alternate reality where Nixon is president into the 80s and the Cold War is hotter than ever. Your heroes are a group of vigilantes in costume who include the blue and naked Dr. Manhattan. The anti-superheroes and timeline were interesting to me, although their Dick Nixon has hilarious prosthetics out of SNL's closet. Despite being maybe a bit too long, I welcomed this gritty spectacle and would easily watch a sequel. ****

THE BOYS & GIRLS GUIDE TO GETTING DOWN (2007) – Rated R, 92 minutes
This comedy takes the form of a 90 minute educational piece about the basics of "getting down." Learn about how to score drugs, how to get in to the hottest clubs, drink and drive - it's all there. I liked the movie's style, combining dry narration with scenes on the town and experiments in the lab. Reminded me of the movie adaptation of "Hitchhiker's Guide" in a way. Funny moments and keen observations on party life came forth, but at a not-so-even pace. ***

OUTSOURCED (2007) – Rated PG-13, 103 minutes
Josh Hamilton stars as Todd, a man working at a company selling uberpatriotic chotchkes on the web whose job is outsourced to India. He gets roped into traveling across the world to train the people taking his place, slowly but surely falling in love with the land, and one of the employees at his call center. This had a TV movie vibe, with so-so acting, predictable outcomes and okay production values. It produced enough laughs and smiles for what it was. ***

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Out of the Box

2010-01-14T10:02:00.001-05:00

Here's an entry from the Dictionary of Jason, a book dedicated to your humble reviewer. "Tunnel vision - documenting the holidays by the games you played." Indeed, I can't help but look at any gathering of folks as potential contestants and opponents for whatever game I'm interested in. And over these cold weeks of opening presents, baking holiday treats and counting down 2009, I managed to get in a game or ten. Here's some of the highlights from the board game realm:

Cranium Wow (2007)
Party games are pretty well despised in the hardcore board game community. "Cranium" put most of the popular party formats in one box as a form of super game. It went over like a lead balloon with the purists - who probably wanted some game involving trading bales of wheat - and it sold like gangbusters to the public at large.

"Cranium Wow" is essentially the game's second edition. Up to four teams try to make it around a board that has four types of tasks on it. Creative Cat cards see teammates drawing pictures or working with clay to get their partners to say the secret phrase. Word Worm offers spelling challenges and questions about definitions, among other games. Data Head involves trivia, and Star Performer gets players humming songs, imitating celebrities, or up and acting with charades. Success earns a roll of the die, moving your pawn Candy Land style (i.e. to the next color of your roll). Some cards are "Club Cranium" format, where all teams convey the words at the same time.

This edition has sleeker materials, and pawns you can dress Potato Head-style. One of the main criticisms of the first edition was the material, as some people were left scratching their heads at who Telly Savalas was, or how to hum "Tears of a Clown." Never a problem for me, but the answers seemed to have changed for the better in that sense with "Wow."

They also included some new activities, like a hilarious round where one player manipulates their partner like a puppet to convey the word(s). The backwards spelling game now involves the whole team, giving one letter apiece in turn. With more clay in the box, all players can join in on an multi-team sculpt-off. I was never really against "Cranium," but I saw some problems with the first edition. "Cranium Wow" is a good update, and welcome to my gaming table. ****

Battle of the Sexes (1997)
From female-targeted morning radio to your living room, it's "Battle of the Sexes" from cost-effective University Games. Men and women compete in teams, or individually, to get two pawns across the board by answering questions. Women have to answer "male-oriented" questions, and the men answer questions more attuned to females.

University Games are characterized by cutting corners, but a good amount of the time you can overcome it. And indeed, I still had some fun with this title. But the questions - the real meat of the game - were pretty bad. One "male" question for the ladies read "what is a lug?" The card was after part of a tire, but I gave credit to the other team for saying "a big stupid guy." A female question might be "how many inches are in a yard?" or "who is Julio Eglasias' singing son?" But a male question might read "what was the show and date when the Beatles made their American TV debut?" Things were so out of whack (the males trounced the females in two back-to-back games) that we suggested answering our own gender's questions next time.

The actual game with the pawns is banal. There are wild card spaces that direct you forward or backward. In the first game, my male team got one that said "advance your pawn to the finish." Really? Like I said, there is some fun to be had, as people in our family who normally don't play games joined to support their side. But let your fair-and-balanced sensibility take a powder while you play it. Or, change the rules as we will next time we open the box. ***¼

Trivial Pursuit: 25th Anniversary Edition (2008)
"Trivial Pursuit" may be second to "Monopoly" when it comes to complaints about game length. Just in time for their 25th year, this special edition tries to alleviate that. For starters, the dice determines your difficulty. Each category has its own box now, with six questions on it. Roll a 1 or 2, and you get the easiest question on the card from that category. Roll higher, and the question is tougher. This means longer turns, more correct answers, and faster wedge collection. Secondly, the makers added an outer ring to the board. Each right answer moves a second pawn along a track that helps speed the game along. Landing in different zones lets you try to earn wedges on other people's turns, move opponents' pies around, or even earn a free wedge.

The multiple difficulties is a welcome change, and makes the game more fun for those whose trivia batting average is usually low. Even if it doesn't always cut down the time spent playing the game, it does add more variety at times where the regular edition would get tedious. I would like them to stick with this setup in future Pursuits. ****½

Avatar (2009)

2010-01-09T23:13:00.003-05:00

Starring Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, et al
Rated PG-13, 162 minutes

Revolutionary 3D. From the director of "The Terminator." IMAX. The director of "Aliens." CGI blue people. The director of "Titanic." FROM THE DIRECTOR OF "TRUE LIES" FOR CHRISSAKES!!!!

This film had a marketing push so big, an ad came out of your toilet when you flushed. And, unlike my nature, I actually went and saw it.

Set more than a century in the future, "Avatar" depicts a far-off moon of a far-off planet where a corporation is mining for a rare, expensive material. Inhabiting the land they wish to cash in on are a native people called the Na'vi - blue-skinned, tall, animal-like, and truly in touch with nature. And naturally, a military force wants to swoop in and eradicate them and their land. As part of the process, a team assume the bodies of Na'vi "avatars" - native surrogates who work the diplomacy end of things.

Jake Sully (Worthington) is a former Marine, filling in for his deceased brother on the science team. With a "meathead" bias against him, and his condition as a paraplegic, Jake is relegated to standing guard, even when operating his fully-functional avatar. When he goes astray on a routine gathering of samples, Jake winds up being the team's best link to the ways of the Na'vi. He integrates with them, learns their ways, and falls in love with his guide.

In his human form, Jake's allegiance sways. The military in him says cooperate with the Colonel. But his exposure to the natives makes him second guess.

Despite sledgehammer-sized political overtones in a familiar archetype, I got into the emotion of the Na'vi. Their land was especially beautiful. And it was especially real looking when the first round of destruction equipment came to clear it away. CGI has evolved a ton, obviously, and it got used to great effect in the most lush scenes, as well as the most dark.

In the trailers, the actors were third banana (at best) to James "Money" Cameron's involvement, as well as the 3D environment. And truly, no one performance really grabbed me. The human characters provided a lot of the facepalming moments I had watching "Avatar." Most of them felt paint-by-numbers and one-dimensional. The biggest bout of embarrassment I had, though, was calling the sought-after substance "unobtanium." The action, as almost always in big time movies, was a bit too over the top. But it didn't detract near as much here as it would in some guns-blazing macho "story."

I saw it in 3D on a standard issue screen, so I can't speak to the groundbreaking technology as well as I can the nuts and bolts of the movie. In my experience, the 3D was used in some groan-worthy ways throughout, with the tips of weapons coming forth for no real reason - that sort of thing. But again, it doesn't speak to how it worked in IMAX, so I'll keep from making that part of my score.

****

The runtime was a little taxing, but I managed to get rescued from restlessness several times. A number of things felt played in this movie, but they were still executed well. I don't regret being pulled in by the hype, which is pretty rare for me.

Airheads (1994)

2010-01-08T12:35:00.001-05:00

Starring Brendan Fraser, Steve Buscemi, Adam Sandler, Joe Mantegna, et al
Rated PG-13, 92 minutes

This movie's a total guilty pleasure for me. In the years before I started logging on the web, this movie was one of many in heavy rotation on Comedy Central. Once I caught it, it was in my heavy rotation.

Brendan Fraser, Steve Buscemi and Adam Sandler play The Lone Rangers, just another band struggling in California. Chaz, the lead singer, frequently breaks in to a record company office, stopping executives and trying to get their demo heard. While attending a concert at the Whisky-a-Go-Go, he decides the band needs to get on the radio, and let the record contracts come to them.

The first time I saw this, I loved how the proverbial clouds came together and formed this perfect storm. Suffice to say, a lot happens after Chaz enacts their little plan to get on the air.

The vast majority of the cast is believable in their roles. Seeing this in middle school, it was my first exposure to Steve Buscemi, and darned it all if I didn't believe he really had that hair and mustache. "Airheads" is loaded with other familiar faces. Michael McKean is the slimy boss. Joe Mantegna is the popular DJ. Michael Richards brings his physical comedy chops in a sporadic, but important, supporting role. Chris Farley is a cop alongside "Ghostbusters" alum Ernie Hudson. Judd Nelson and David Arquette fill smaller parts. There are cameos from Lemmy, Beavis & Butt-head, and "Stuttering" John Melendez. And the soundtrack is pretty cool.

Not to mention it's also funny. A lot of good lines are buried in fast talk, unfortunately, but I still managed laughs after all these years when I saw it for this review.

****½

I flipped by it on cable years back, gave it a few minutes, and came to love it. It's now part of my video collection. Watch a scene or few, and see if it draws you in too.

Five Easy Pieces (1970)

2009-12-05T20:41:00.000-05:00

Starring Jack Nicholson, Karen Black, Susan Anspach, et al
Rated R, 98 minutes

Bobby Dupea (Nicholson) was a virtuoso on the piano at a very young age. Not content with that, Bobby ran away, and moved on to a job on an oil rig where we the viewer join him. And he's still running. He's still can't find a thing to make him happy. And at the end of this barrel of nerves is his doting girlfriend Rayette (Black).

I wasn't sure if Bobby Dupea was tortured by his genius, or just an arrogant idiot. In particular, the scene where he tells off Carl & Catherine's friends showed me he not only thinks he's above it all, he knows it. For what reason he's above it is unclear - probably even to Bobby.

It was especially hard to watch the Nicholson character treat his girlfriend so badly. It hit me pretty deep. The mistreatment comes early and comes strong. Perhaps that's a point in its favor as a good film - that it made me feel something - but I'll take the lumps of being an optimist who wants to laugh over watching more movies that so depress me.

Despite that grimness, I loved the ending. It was poignant and out of left field. And yes, I loved the diner scene. I was hoping the movie would keep up the tone established by the picked-up hitchhikers. Those scenes moved, they had a cool subtext, and they had some humor. Granted, I'm biased towards humor. And against most non-sequitur scenes, which this movie had several of - a little aggravating in the middle of a film I'm already slogging through.

**¾

Jack Nicholson hasn't disappointed me yet, and he's the reason I got any enjoyment out of watching "Five Easy Pieces." I was bored, bummed, and sometimes both. There's no doubt this did something for some people, but I need a different meat on my movie bones.

Freestyle 11/30/09 - Adam Lambert, The Insider, Flash Physics Games

2009-11-30T21:46:00.000-05:00

I haven't been paying much attention to this Adam Lambert thing. I know he did some erotic things on stage, and people are debating whether it was appropriate or not, and if the uproar is simply because he's a gay male. Those people argue that we've had females kiss on the air before, blah blah blah. One comment he made struck me though. On the CBS Early Show, Lambert said "I'm not a babysitter" in response to complaints that children were watching. He said it was well past 10 PM when he hit the stage, and children's eyes were the furthest thing from his mind.

I'm a huge supporter of the "TV is not your babysitter" theory, but in this case, I think he's a little wrong. It was a network awards show. It was probably in hour 16 by the time he got up there. It was probable children were watching. Had this been his own video, MTV, another cable outlet or whatever - fine. I think parents who think it's the media's responsibility to make everything kid-friendly is bogus. But I think it's a little out of hand to suggest the AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS were anything near "adult entertainment." His actions didn't offend me at all, but this defense is a little slipshod.

Have you seen "The Insider" lately? Move over celebrity news, hello over-the-top panel! Joining former-news-correspondent-turned-smarmy-anchor Lara Spencer are luminaries like Star Jones and Niecy Nash to scream about the headlines. They make little pretense that this new format is anything but noise and conflict to keep the viewer tuned in. Lara's segue to a new story when I watched said it all: "Our next argument..." This was the same lowest common denominator creation that saw Jon Gosselin giving "his side of the story" complete with a melodramatic pose for the camera.

If you've got time to kill online, let me recommend a Google search of "Flash Physics Games." PhysicsGames.net in particular has a good selection. These are games in which some part of the action behaves in a lifelike manner. Among my recommendations: the clever Magic Pen games, where you literally draw your own tools to get a red ball rolling into the goal. Demolition City, where you find the right place to put dynamite, and take down a building successfully. Storm the Castle, where you use a trebuchet to heave rocks at a tower. 99 Blocks, where you use Tetris pieces to build the highest tower you can (against the enemy that is gravity). There are countless others. Check them out.

Jackass Number Two (2006)

2009-11-29T14:45:00.010-05:00

Starring Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, etc, etc
Rated R, 95 minutes

Ever since I relocated to Blogspot, there have been two holes in my movie archive. I never bothered to repost my reviews of the Jackass movies, because I felt funny about their scores. They were in the high fours, and the reviews were written right after seeing them for the first time. After having defined my review criteria, I decided to wait until I saw them again to get a "real" score.

I'll open things up by saying I'm a longtime fan of the show. I caught the premiere broadcast as it was repeated several times over one lazy weekend, and never stopped watching since. I saw the first movie opening weekend, and loved it. I was worried that they'd try too hard to top themselves for the second movie. The bits didn't have to be wilder to make it good, they just had to be funny.

In my opinion, they succeeded in doing both. Not only was the envelope pushed a bit, but I laughed just as hard. Especially compared to the first movie, this was wall-to-wall action, with the whole cast upping their game. It's funny how the credits show deleted scenes with celebrity guests and big budget trips abroad, but it was the simpler stuff that made it in the final cut, and produced the big laughs.

Unfortunately, on this viewing, I found the element of surprise to be a bigger part of the success compared to the original. I remember most of the bits from the first movie, but still laugh when they play out. Here, the response was a bit lukewarm on the second go 'round.

****

It still remains an easy-to-revisit movie. I have a high tolerance for Jackass repeats, so even if I watch this until I no longer laugh, I'll still enjoy putting it on. If you're a fan of the show, and haven't seen it, prepare to bust a gut and be surprised. If you've never seen anything Jackass, maybe start smaller. This is Jackass to the extreme. It's worth having around to pop in once every few years, or to see an unsuspecting soul's shocked reactions when they see it for the first time. If they make a Jackass Three, I'm sure it will deliver.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: What's Up

2009-11-15T12:57:00.001-05:00

This installment of capsule reviews is truly a mixed bag, as we cover what's been up in my culture consuming world lately. We'll visit a book I've been reading, a movie I just saw, and two bits of cable TV entertainment.

New Rules (2005); by Bill Maher, 230 pages
On his follow-up to "Politically Incorrect" entitled "Real Time," comedian Bill Maher ends the show with a series of "new rules." Here's an example from the book. "New rule: You can't choose to be a cheap whore at only one specific place and time. If you show your breasts for plastic beads at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, then you have to show your breasts for beads at a Houlihan's in Philadelphia."

"New Rules" is merely a collection of those (including the long form ones) arranged alphabetically by topic. Since it's put together in small chunks, it's probably best enjoyed that way. Read chapter after chapter, the similar premises and setups have less impact. And if you don't agree with Bill's politics, or at least tolerate that someone can have a different point of view, then you probably won't let yourself laugh. But, if you're open to diving in, you're bound to enjoy it. **** He even gives Dubya Bush a few breaks in the book - although it's mainly to say "stop making fun of him for X, Y and Z! Reasons A, B and C are enough!"

Hoarders; A&E
Every week for an hour, "Hoarders" brings us into the life of two people who suffer from a mental disorder that causes them to be pack rats. Entire rooms are lost under a sea of junk. Even an entire property can be found filled with washing machines, computer equipment and hollowed-out vehicles. They just won't get rid of this stuff. The show sends in a therapist and a cleaning crew, and usually find themselves facing a deadline. If they can't get the hoarder's act together, an authority figure is waiting around the corner to lay the smackdown. Seeing these hoards is fascinating. My main problem with the show is a lack of conclusion. We only get to see treatment starting to happen, if at all. Even the well-worn post-episode subtitles are absent in some cases, leaving us completely in the dark on whether the hoarder recovered, or found themselves in trouble with the law. ***½ Still worth a look, and maybe if they continue making shows, they can follow up on old ones.

Terminator Salvation (2009); Rated PG-13, 115 minutes
This movie is the fourth installment in the Terminator series, set in the future - 2019. It stars Christian Bale and Sam Worthington. Perhaps I shouldn't have bothered with this one considering my ignorance regarding the Terminator story. But this movie seemed to be more about the explosions and stunt scenes than anything else. I tried to get a grip on what was going on, but when I did, I became too consumed with the implausibilities (how are these people not DEAD yet?) to keep watching. So the fight was to keep my eyes focused, or try to work out the plot in my mind. It didn't really matter. **

Man v. Food; Travel Channel
Imagine "Diners, Drive-Ins & Drives" if the host challenged himself to eat the house specialty. That's more than the gist of "Man v. Food," starring Adam Richman as he travels the country looking for restaurants with a wall of fame. If a place challenges customers to eat its spiciest wing, Adam's there. An almost five-pound burrito? He'll try it.

For me, there are two big issues with this show. One is Adam himself. He can be funny, but his "frat dude" attitude is a bit much at times; namely when he whoops it up with customers during the episode's spotlight challenge. I understand it makes for better TV, but it's a little too over the top. Secondly, the eating challenges themselves pose a problem. You're basically watching to see a big guy shovel in food. It's not pleasant imagery. In any permutation, competitive eating is just not TV-worthy in my book. Either I watch it hungry, and lose my appetite, or I watch it on a fuller stomach, and raise even more question as to why somebody would do this. It's always nice to see what restaurants are tucked away in the corners of America, but as Adam opines after a particularly hard-to-eat dish: was it worth it in the end? **½

The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

2009-11-13T22:30:00.000-05:00

Starring Denzel Washington, John Travolta, John Turturro, James Gandolfini, et al
Rated R, 106 minutes

"Pelham 123" was one of those rare trailers that I took notice of. I thought the movie would deliver a good, if not predictable evening, with an entertaining ratcheting up of tension and good performances. If somebody wanted to go to the movies that weekend, it would probably top my list of picks.

Based on a 1973 novel, this is the second major movie adaptation of the story. It features John Travolta as a man hijacking a subway train and holding its passengers for ransom. Denzel Washington is the subway dispatcher turned hostage negotiator.

One strange style choice was the use of flying maps and other graphics that would look at home in a Dateline NBC story. The extra f-words also felt like a shot of modernization that didn't always work.

Still, "The Taking of Pelham 123" was a good, if not predictable movie, with an entertaining ratcheting up of tension and good performances. The trailer left no secret, really, on what was going to happen. Things unfolded in an engaging manner, so I got what I asked for. You will too, if you see it.

***½

Freestyle 11/11/09 - Hank, The Rise and Fall of WCW

2009-11-11T17:29:00.001-05:00

ABC cancelled the underperforming sitcom "Hank" this week. I will admit to watching the premiere. I knew it was going to be bad, but I felt like being "in" on the new season somehow, and I'm a huge fan of "Frasier." This show was just remarkably generic. I don't think it says anything about the future viability of the multi-camera sitcom. I still think it's possible to work that form well. But "Hank" came out of the box looking tired and still hoped audiences would watch. It didn't help matters that it was part of a block of modern comedy; shows outside of the studio without the canned laughter.

The whole premise was that Hank was finally joining the "real" world after losing a high-powered, high-salary job. The parts of the show involving the kids were just bad. If you turned the closed captioning on during those scenes, it must have said "[insert generic dad-can't-relate-to-his-kids story arc]." There was nothing about it that showed care was taken with the script. It could have been leftover from 80s pilot hell for all I knew.

Most of the sitcoms I cherish lack plots where kids grind the pace to a cutesy halt. WKRP, "Seinfeld," etc. The early "Home Improvement" episodes had that working against them. What sitcoms integrated kids well?

I watched the documentary portion of WWE's "Rise and Fall of WCW" DVD set. If it's not the worst main feature they've produced, it's certainly the worst I've seen. The documentary didn't know which timeframe to devote most of its time to, and was very uneven. Instead of keeping tabs on the in-ring product, this program was far too obsessed with who was in charge. Particularly in the 90s (even though that period was covered on the Monday Night War DVD) there was a disappointing lack of covering what made WCW a success. I know most of the inside goings-on thanks to wrestling journalism. But even equipped with that knowledge, the main program was difficult to get into. If you're going to buy it, let the match selection guide you, because the documentary is a waste of time.

A Christmas Carol (2009)

2009-11-08T18:47:00.001-05:00

Starring Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, et al
Rated PG, 96 minutes

Welcome to what is likely the 1,254th official adaptation of "A Christmas Carol," the classic tale penned by Charles Dickens some 4,000 years ago. This one's computer generated and brought to you by Disney.

Jim Carrey and Gary Oldman take many of the voices you'll hear, with Jim Carrey in the lead role. I shan't insult your intelligence by recapping the whole plot, as this story is as well-traveled as it can be. It teaches the positives of giving and the perils of greed.

The computer animation was mostly a success. Ebeneezer was to Jim Carrey as Shrek was to Mike Myers - both figures captured the actor voicing them in a subtle, cool way. In the scenes where Scrooge was visited by the three spirits, the imagery was a predictably good fantasy-land. In scenes where things were "real," it was tougher to pin down. The characters would look and move like real people one second, and look like PlayStation cut-scenes the next.

I was surprised to hear several people outside the theater remark that the movie was "not as funny" as they had anticipated. How would "A Christmas Carol" even work as a "wacky" movie? I guess Jim Carrey's name still means rubberface-fueled laughs to some people. That end of Jim's repertoire was well-suited to the ending scenes where Scrooge is happy-go-lucky.

I'm also at a loss as to why this got released in early November. Maybe it's trying to play to the same school of thought that gives us Christmas music 'round the clock starting on Halloween, but I don't subscribe to that. The "Christmas season" always begins for me on Black Friday. I just don't feel that holiday warmth any time sooner, and maybe that contributed to the movie falling a bit flat for me.

For kids, the movie should pass. The filmmakers inserted a long chase sequence that looked to satiate the younger set, but also screamed "IMAX justification" to me. Since "A Christmas Carol" is more about the lessons learned than any super cool visuals, I don't know why this needed to be in IMAX 3D.

***¼

Given how versed I am with the story, I can't really guess how this version would come across to somebody experiencing "A Christmas Carol" for the first time. I felt rushed in to Scrooge's visits with the spirits, and that his turnaround to being giving was underplayed. I'm surprised to see this movie had a budget of 200 million. It isn't the usual star-studded laughfest for all ages that typifies an animated movie that redoubles its investment. I would guess the word of mouth will work against this one making a profit. It's not bad, but it sure isn't a must-see.

Good Night, and Good Luck. (2005)

2009-11-06T23:59:00.002-05:00

Starring David Strathairn, George Clooney, et al
Rated PG, 93 minutes

1954. Wisconsin senator Joseph McCarthy is at the height of his powers. He heads a Congressional committee set to root out communist sympathizers in the United States. CBS' Edward R. Murrow (Strathairn) wants to root out the truth about McCarthy and his methods on the weekly "See It Now" program - sponsors and others be damned.

This movie does many things right. It's very straightforward. The look and feel of the environment they created is exceptionally authentic. The use of actual footage naturally helped that. All this adds up to something that feels like a documentary. It is that accurate.

David Strathairn is inspired as Edward R. Murrow. You can sense, just with a twitch of the eye, what Murrow is going through at several points in the film. They didn't have to pump up the drama, because the source material was so good. You can't help but sympathize with someone losing their livelihood over the McCarthy-led witch hunt. No scoring or over-the-top shot switching was needed when you watched Edward R. Murrow become a TV pioneer right in front of your eyes. Less was more when the smoky room filled up with silence as the crew waited for the switchboards to light up.

My only real gripe with the movie was the subplot about a hidden marriage at CBS. It helped flesh out the climate of fear at the time, but the payoff was no real payoff at all, in my opinion. It ultimately didn't detract enough to warrant a deduction.

*****

When George Clooney gets his passions behind something, look out. "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" was another film he directed, and another where the bottom line was kept low to do it the way he wanted to. He took a drastic pay cut to work on "Good Night, and Good Luck," earning literally a few dollars for all of his services. And while "Confessions" was nothing lasting in the cinema pantheon, this movie truly was. I hope more and more people in the future get rewarded for doing what they truly want to do.

It was Murrow-esque that this movie rose to where it did. "Good Night, and Good Luck" thankfully continues the message that media should not exist solely for entertainment. Media should continue to challenge and be provocative, and not simply warm hearts in the name of a dollar. This writer can only continue the message in spirit, as my career goals center around the sugary sweet ol' Ed would've hated. But...I'll raise a glass right now in his honor, and recommend you see this one. Now.

Observe and Report (2009)

2009-11-04T20:32:00.000-05:00

Starring Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta, Anna Faris, Collette Wolfe, et al
Rated R, 86 minutes

It's that other mall cop movie from 2009. Seth Rogen is Ronnie Barnhardt, top dog in security at the Forest Ridge Mall. In our opening scene, a flasher runs wild in the parking lot. Ronnie goes on a crusade to catch him, but gets diverted by a little bit of love, a little bit of mall thievery, and a chance to be a full-fledged cop who carries a gun.

This movie was largely no B.S. Sure, it took some time to rev up the funny, but it delivered in the end. Sadly, "Observe and Report" was out-performed by the inferior "Paul Blart: Mall Cop." I'm not so sure that being the second mall cop movie in four months was its biggest obstacle, though. Seth Rogen is perhaps a rare example of too much of a good thing. He's been the lead or co-lead in a lot of successful movies lately. And he's great in a vast majority of them. Maybe audiences felt they didn't need to see every single one. Maybe Seth plays characters that are too similar to warrant total moviegoer devotion.

This was roughly on par with the others, though; proud to be R-rated, with a "fuck" count in "Scarface" territory. Ray Liotta is the detective who butts heads with Seth's character. Anna Faris is the love interest. Neither was particularly inspired in their roles, but the script left all the comic heavy lifting to Seth anyway.

Like Paul Blart, Ronnie Barnhardt is stepped on by a society that doesn't take mall security seriously. However, Ronnie has a ton more bluster, and doesn't admit vulnerability until near the end of the runtime. Plus he's bipolar, which puts a lot of fun dysfunction onto the screen.

***¾

Perhaps lost in a crowded sea of recent comedies - many featuring Seth Rogen somewhere - this movie more-than-ably entertained with some dark laughs.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Food Network

2009-11-02T15:28:00.003-05:00

This collection of mini reviews covers some of the shows on Food Network. And not one focuses on overhead shots of cooktops with people talking about recipes.

Chopped; Food Network
Four chefs meet in the Food Network kitchens, competing to cook the best three-course meal. The first round is appetizers, where each chef gets 20 minutes to incorporate the same three ingredients into their dish. A panel of three judges from the food industry taste the dishes, and "chop" the worst chef from the competition. The second round pits the remaining three chefs' entrees against each other, now with a 30 minute time limit and four ingredients. One more "chopping" later, and it's down to dessert, again with half an hour and four items to include. After the last dish, the judges consider the entire three courses by each remaining chef, and award one the $10,000 top prize.

"Iron Chef" has a built-in appeal in seeing what the secret ingredient is and how it will be incorporated into a meal. "Chopped" has this to the nth degree, with three rounds, and multiple ingredients. Read on paper, you might assume the chefs have to combine strawberries and a side of beef into their entree. In reality, the items in the baskets are often much more esoteric, and 99% of the time include things that don't sound like they go together. From host Ted Allen to the contestants themselves, this show is wall-to-wall food experts. Just by watching, I feel like I know more about food and cooking. Because of the high caliber of participants, the hour is always exciting, fun to watch, and rife with opportunities to backseat cook or judge. ****¾

Dinner: Impossible; Food Network
Chef Robert Irvine goes across the country taking assignments for "impossible" catering. Event planners enlist Robert to cook for many people in a short amount of time, usually with extenuating circumstances that make the mission even harder. From having no kitchen, to having a theme around which to cook the dishes, things never get any easier for Mr. Irvine.

Robert's a hard person for me to pin down. On the one hand, he's a pill to watch because he has male PMS, and his voiceovers are filled with melodrama. But I can't deny that it's still compelling, even if I'm watching to goof on him. Or watching to see him emasculate his talented sous chefs. ***½ The one season with Iron Chef Michael Symon was perhaps a bit more enjoyable because he was easier to root for.

Ace of Cakes; Food Network
"Ace of Cakes" follows the exploits of Duff Goldman and his band of bakers at Charm City Cakes in Baltimore. Each week, Duff and the gang cook up crazy confections that defy most people's idea of a cake. Their unique style and attention to detail get them many clients, from weddings to corporate anniversary parties to red carpet movie premieres.

It's easy to see why cakes became such big business for Food Network after this show. Watching these amazing and/or huge structures made with cake take form is oddly fascinating. The assignments Charm City gets remain widely varied and interesting, just like the show - which has now taken trips across the country for special occasions on episodes that rival "Dinner: Impossible." And to top it off, Duff's crew are all pretty fun people who are easy to watch. As mentioned in another post, rival show "Cake Boss" suffers because it lacks focus, and its characters are abrasive. "Ace of Cakes" succeeds because it sticks with the baking, and the decorators are nice people. ****

Private Lessons (1981)

2009-10-29T22:18:00.001-04:00

Starring Eric Brown, Sylvia Kristel, Howard Hesseman, et al
Rated R, 87 minutes

This is a movie with some reputation. 16-year-old Eric Brown plays 15-year-old "Philly" Filmore, a privileged child who's got the mansion to himself for a few weeks. We learn quickly that his new, younger, and sexier house maid Nicole (Kristel) has hatched a plan with the chauffeur (Hesseman) to...well, have sex with him. It isn't made abundantly clear from the movie itself that she's after money until MUCH later. We just know the two are in cahoots, and that the chauffeur would like her seduction to move a lot faster.

Philly is overly motivated by his hormones, even for a young boy. He and his pal are always ogling girls from the bushes. He pursues Nicole herself from this vantage point, until she invites him in for some up-close-and-personal peeping.

I would no doubt eat that scene up if I saw this movie in my teens. "Private Lessons" is unadulterated titillation for the first hour or so, with generous shots of tight shorts, wet t-shirts and long legs. The come hither scene, with the actual nudity, is played to the hilt. The camera is Heterosexual Male Viewer's Best Friend, taking not-so-modest long gazes at the body parts as they get revealed.

But it doesn't end with one little strip show. She accosts him to the tub. They go on dates. They make out. And eventually, they consummate the relationship. Sure, as a sexed-up young lad, I wouldn't have batted an eye at these scenes. But now, with more life behind me, I can't help but get the chills while this adult actress makes out with a minor.

Beyond that, the writing should give you chills because it's often bad. Why waste time watching characters struggle with their ethics? Nicole almost has a moment of clarity about seducing a young boy in one scene, but this movie has to be under 90 minutes damnit! A lot of times, the action was moved by the "ask me twice" device - ask me twice, and I'll say yes. That leaves all the mental wrestling off the screen, while you get to enjoy the sultry results.

When the plan to extort Philly for money finally gets going, the sex is gone, and all the terrible film is exposed underneath. The rest of the duration is particularly dumb. It's conceivable that moments were edited out that made it all make more sense. Watch as a tennis instructor masquerading as a cop (played by Ed Begley Jr.) and an angry gardener get in the way of some quality fleeing town with the kid's money.

The ending made me say "what the fuck?" out loud. Philly talks to one of his teachers, the very same woman who urged him early in the film to find girls more age appropriate. He repeats that advice, then asks her to dinner.

In an effort to be cool, I suppose, the movie uses a metric ton of popular music. On their final night of passion, the elder & boy make love to "You're In My Heart" by Rod Stewart. I may never hear that song the same way again.

**¼

There's no doubt this movie did what it set out to do very well. I'm not going to deny that at all. Teenage boys who caught it on a pay channel in the 80s probably still have "Private Lessons" stuck in the recesses of their mind. If we're rating on that scale - the boner-iffic scale - this movie's probably 5 stars.

But how is this an R-rated movie for adults? A woman would surely cast this aside based on the trailer. And it's not really sophisticated enough for a grown man to enjoy. Sure, there's taking a mental trip back in time to put yourself in Philly's shoes, but that's only so fun for so long. It doesn't save the rest of the movie.

I should also mention this movie was produced by Barry & Enright. Who are they? Why, Jack Barry and Dan Enright, the minds behind the game show classics "Tic Tac Dough" and "The Joker's Wild." It was beyond bizarre to see their logo in the opening credits. And if there's a place BEYOND beyond bizarre, I was certainly there once the subject matter got going.

Top 5 Least Favorite Monopoly House Rules

2009-10-27T23:08:00.001-04:00

The classic board game Monopoly gets slammed in a lot of circles. Non-gamers hate it because it takes forever. Serious gamers hate all the ways it's broken. Eh. Few games are truly perfect, and more people know Monopoly than some foreign game involving wheat trading (or whatever the serious gamer will suggest to you as a Monopoly substitute). However, people who say they "know Monopoly" probably don't know the actual way to play it.

Guess what? Free Parking is worth $0.0. Landing on Go is worth nothing special. Shock and awe! Almost every time I have people over to play Monopoly, they wonder why one thing or another doesn't play out the way it does at home with grandma and Aunt Bea. The truth is, I play with house rules too. I play a lot on Pogo.com (excellent site), and their standard game has some variants that I took to the table at home. Now we play with a turn limit. In the majority of Monopoly games, it becomes evident who's going to win at a certain point. The rest is just waiting for the last drop of blood to come out of your opponent, and the turn limit eases that pain.

What this list covers are my least favorite changes to the game. If you do a quick Google search, it will become obvious that I can't cover every house rule ever conceived. But this is a list of my least favorite, dubbed so because they're pretty common, and pretty bad.

5. No paying a fee when transferring mortgaged properties - When a player with mortgaged properties goes into bankruptcy owing you money, and you take everything he or she owns (another rule people don't always enforce), the rules say you have to pay. The new owner pays 10% interest on each mortgage, and can choose to lift the mortgage on a given property by paying the rest back. If they don't wish to unmortgage it upon transfer, that player must pay the 10% again when they actually turn it over. The only reason this makes my list is all the bitching it creates when I try to enforce it. Nobody's heard of the rule. So I pull out the instructions, and inevitably they say "well that's unfair, we shouldn't have to pay that!" Odds are, that player has three monopolies, scads of houses and a few thousand to burn. Dumping $114 on mortgage fees is nary a dent in their armor, but they'll still fight to the death on paying it. I guess I can sympathize, though, as I feel that way paying 40 cents for cheese on my hamburger.

4. No auctions - Believe it or not, some people are totally unaware there's an auction component to Monopoly. Notwithstanding these same people also turn tail at spending $120 for a property, but I digress. Some players just calmly fold their arms after turning down a purchase, and the game goes on. A big reason Monopoly is so hated is because of house rules like this one that extend the game length further than the original rules would have. By making turns in which no property transaction occurs more likely, the game goes on long, as people attempt to land on the spaces they "really" want. But time wasting agony has only just begun, especially if you enact...

3. The Free Parking jackpot - Probably THE most common house rule. Opinions vary, but the most generally used Free Parking jackpot starts at $500, and grows each time a tax or fine is paid to the bank. When someone lands on Free Parking, they grab the stack of cash in the center of the board, and laugh their way rich. I do like the notion of making Free Parking worth something. Our house rules make it worth a mere fifty or one hundred dollars. But to make it such an enormous sum gives a soon-to-be eliminated player a glut of cash to go lose somewhere. Or worse yet, the jackpot gives an already rich leader a chance to make his houses into hotels. As a game show fan, I'm aware of the great suspense in having a huge comeback available. But Monopoly doesn't need it, because it will likely add a "bonus" hour to your evening.

2. No buying property until you go around the board once - This rule comes up on lists everywhere, but I've never used it, nor have I seen anyone try to use it. What's the point? The function, they say, is for game equity. The first player to roll has first dibs on property. So the idea in waiting for a trip around the board is to give everybody a better shot. But in the end, it's really one long "roll to see who goes first" exercise, because somebody has to get there first. All that at the expense of keeping your guests interested.

1. Each player starts from a different corner of the board - Another bizarre attempt at making the beginning more "fair" is this gem. You somehow determine which corner of the board each player gets to launch from before the first roll. Great, so in a quest to be more fair, Player B takes off from Free Parking and breaks up the red properties before I even belly up to the table. Rolling to see who goes first, along with the fate of the dice, perform this function in a nice, tidy, and above all QUICK way. This is far from a solution, as it handicaps more than it helps, and makes everybody start off UNequally.

Bright Lights, Big City (1988)

2009-10-26T15:37:00.001-04:00

Starring Michael J. Fox, Kiefer Sutherland, Phoebe Cates, et al
Rated R, 107 minutes

Jamie Conway (Fox) is in trouble. His life has spiraled out of control. Working as a fact checker at a well-to-do magazine in New York, he's lost touch with his true aspiration - to be a writer. Doing cocaine in bathrooms between double vodkas, he just can't find the energy to sit down and write. His friend Allagash (Sutherland) is no help, frequently supplying more women and more blow. At the root of his problems are the death of his mother, and estrangement of his one-time-wife Amanda (Cates). But he's deliberately ignoring the former, and the latter is just another distraction from sanity.

The cast was terrific. Michael J. Fox's talk-and-drink monologue with the bottle of wine was a highlight, and I got misty when he finally confronted the death of his mother. But I wasn't into the whole story. Or lack thereof. The movie covers the events of one week, with generous flashes back. Jamie Conway is fighting his demons and trying to find some normalcy. But we're not clear on his entire background, and I never felt connected to the character.

Sure, I can see he's not doing his best, and he's crying for help. But there's a lot I think I'm missing that would help me fully sympathize with him. I didn't feel his dying passion to write. I wasn't sure how close he and his wife were before she left.

***

"Bright Lights, Big City" will probably stay on my proverbial shelf for those reasons, but it wasn't a waste of time.

Couples Retreat (2009)

2009-10-24T15:28:00.000-04:00

Starring Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, Malin Akerman, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, et al
Rated PG-13, 113 minutes

"Couples Retreat" marks one of the weirdest ways I've been inspired to go to the movies. Jonesing for more peanut buttery goodness, I went on a morning grocery run to grab two boxes of Reese's Puffs for me and my girlfriend. The package advertised a free movie ticket with the purchase of any two specially marked boxes. And the local theater was a participating chain! We're goin' to the show!

And this was the choice. Jason & Cynthia (Bateman & Bell) are a couple whose marriage is failing. Being the epitome of fun, they use a PowerPoint presentation to convince other couples they're friends with to go to a couples resort. Therapy's optional, there's jet-skis and drinks and beaches and fun.

Once there, the vacationers find themselves strong-armed into the "couples skill-building." Shane (Love) goes through the motions with his 20-year-old girlfriend, who's there for the island party. Happy couple Dave & Ronnie (Vaughn & Akerman) are told by their therapist that they're practically strangers. And Joey (Favreau) and his wife implode, each trying to find their own release on the singles side of the resort.

Overall, this was a good night out. The movie was less of a complete narrative, and more of a buffet of comic scenarios, tied together by the idea of couples therapy. The therapists include a number of familiar character actor faces, including Ken Jeong ("Knocked Up," "The Hangover") and John Michael Higgins ("The Late Shift"). In fact, familiar faces were a big part of this one succeeding, as Vince Vaughn could be Vince Vaughn without having some big setup, just as Jon Favreau could be Jon Favreau, and all the wives could look good.

The movie was practically saying "new wheel, same as the old wheel - but new." And that was good enough for me, given the cast. And thankfully, once the couples left for the island, the kids stayed home for good, without any callback scenes. We're already playing formula, we don't need the kids being wacky at home just to pad the runtime.

***½

"Couples Retreat" is an accessible comedy that satisfied me and my cereal-box-obtained moviegoing dollar.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story (2006)

2009-10-23T23:49:00.008-04:00

Starring Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon, Naomie Harris, Kelly Macdonald, et al
Rated R, 94 minutes

Here's the gist from the back of the DVD: Steve Coogan plays himself in this movie where Steve Coogan is making a movie out of the classic but "unfilmable" novel "Tristram Shandy." As Steve struggles with what to use out of the book, his co-stars, and a new baby, we get treated to scenes from the fictional film. It's 94 minutes of "dark comedy and literary humor."

Based on that blurb, I went into this movie with a tempered interest. The phrase "dark comedy" has failed me more often than not. And my gut feeling is indicative of my recommending you see this one. It started off slow and dry as crackers, but as it rolled on, and we got more into the plot surrounding the movie-within-a-movie, "Tristram Shandy" produced a lot of grins and a smattering of belly laughs. Watching Coogan bumble through a birthing scene was Spinal Tap-esque brilliance. The way things eased from the book adaptation to the docu-style chronicle of the movie being shot was seamless, and the comedy was just as good whether Coogan was Tristram Shandy, or himself.

As "himself," Coogan does what Larry David does with "Curb Your Enthusiasm," playing an alternate personality with character flaws exaggerated, and eager fans bringing up his past career. Rob Brydon's endearing dimwit co-star role is reminiscent of Hank Kingsley from "The Larry Sanders Show," and it was a success from my seat. In fact, a lot of this movie's style reminded me of Larry Sanders. Through this production-within-a-production, there was sexual tension within the staff ranks, celebrity pettiness, Hollywood-being-Hollywood, etc. Awesome character actor Stephen Fry makes an appearance, as does "X-Files" alum Gillian Anderson.

***¼

I enjoyed myself, but as I said above, I'm not fully pulling the trigger on recommendation. Read the blurb, see how you feel - your gut will likely correspond to how much you enjoy the film.

$100,000 Pyramid (2001)

2009-10-22T16:13:00.003-04:00

by Sierra On-Line
for the PC

In the late 90s, Sierra was pretty much my entire computer gaming world. Between "You Don't Know Jack" and "Leisure Suit Larry," I had my CD-ROM library packed. When fellow game show-philes were abuzz about a PC demo based on the classic "Pyramid" game show with Dick Clark, I thought it was too good to be true. These days are long gone, where a company put all that power behind a casual game such as this. To get that kind of entertainment now, you have to turn to downloaded Flash games. Which may be fine after all, because the quality of play in this title is a lot like an online-exclusive download.

The rendering of the set is beautiful, though, getting a vast majority of the 80s TV show look correct. Sierra enlisted Lemon Cello Music to re-record the classic theme song, and it's a superb version. The incidental tracks are fine, but the in-game music is repetitive, overused and intrusive. Prizes and avatars have the look of traditional cel animation, with a cartoony/wacky bent to them.

In the event you aren't as well-traveled in game show circles as I, here's the rules breakdown. Two teams compete, made up of a celebrity partner and a regular contestant. Six categories (with misleading titles) appear on the board, each containing 7 words or phrases. The player giving clues tries to get their partner to say each word or phrase within 30 seconds. You can gesture, you can use full sentences as clues - you can't, however, say part of the answer, give the first letter of the answer, or say it rhymes with something else. Each correct conveyance is worth a point, and the team with the most points after all six categories goes to the Winner's Circle.

The Winner's Circle is the most memorable part of the show and its namesake, as the team now tries to climb to the top of the giant pyramid at the back of the stage. Instead of describing items, the cluegiver is now listing items to get their partner to name the category they all fit in. Each subject is worth a different amount of money, and getting all six in a minute is worth a big amount of money.

In this CD-ROM title, you can play against a friend, or play in teams of two, with the game simply providing the answers and scorekeeping. You can also play alone, partnering up with a cyber-celebrity to defeat the pyramid at increasing monetary values, each time requiring more points to advance to the Winner's Circle (9 to start, with a perfect 21 required to play the titular $100,000 Pyramid).

In a 1-player or 2-player game, instead of switching off with the celebrity to give clues, the celebrity always gives the clues, and you are always guessing. The "celebrities" are made-up characters with cartoony drawings and wacky names. (Rock Stone! Comedian Steve Burley!) There are four to choose from, with no appreciable difference in quality of clues. Unlike the show, the celebrities take a long time to get the point.

Say the word is "dark." Normally, your partner might say "not light, but..." In this game, they might go "wow, uh....this is a type of chocolate, it also describes colors, and it's the opposite of light." You get 60 seconds instead of the usual 30. Understandable given that you're typing, but even more understandable when you work with this interface. It is especially clunky, not being able to recognize keystrokes that occur too close together.

The writing is a bit iffy too. Words like "philanthropy" will show up, and other times "wig" and "toupee" will be part of the same category. Making your trek a little harder are the computer players' illegal clues. It's hard to guess "notepad" when your partner says "you write notes on this." Or when their best clue for "tempura" is "it sort of rhymes with the name of the governor of Minnesota." However, the game sometimes counts answers correct that aren't even close, perhaps making up for these problems. Typing "identification" gave me the point for "name." Typing in "president" gave me a correct answer for "politician."

The Winner's Circle also has issues, as the categories come up randomly. That means you could have three categories in one set that follow the "What _____ Might Say" format. You could have three categories in one stack as rudimentary as "Fruits," "Tools" and "Cleaning Products." You're only required to type in the key word (e.g. for "Things at a Sporting Event", typing "sports" is correct), but that can be frustrating if you're all around the idea and would've been otherwise correct on the TV game.

Fans of the old show will enjoy the bonus cards they threw in, like the 7-11, Mystery 7 and Gamble for Ten Grand. Each offers a different bonus for getting all 7 words within the time limit. The 7-11 earns you $1,100. In Gamble, you play with 15 less seconds, but receive $10,000 for a perfect score. All fine and good for your fictional total, but on the TV show (where it was played for $1000), they had the choice to try for the bonus, given the risk involved. They might've been better off not including it if they couldn't allow the player to choose.

The Mystery 7 adds the challenge of not knowing what all 7 words have to do with each other, but the writing is ho-hum, so it's easy to figure out. Your partner will unintentionally help you as well, saying things like "okay, this is another sport..." The prize for the Mystery 7 is a "joke" prize worth $10,000. These "funny" prizes show up in the end credits as well, as gifts for "departing contestants."

**½

The voice acting is nothing to write home about. The "host" chews the virtual scenery, and one of the female celebrities sounds like she's being held hostage. It's fun enough to rack up fake money and guess at the clues, but the difficulty varies for the wrong reasons.

Valkyrie (2008)

2009-08-06T15:04:00.001-04:00

Starring Tom Cruise, Bill Nighy, et al
Rated PG-13, 121 minutes

"Valkyrie" is a film depicting the 15th and final attempt on the life of German dictator Adolf Hitler. Tom Cruise plays Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, newly recruited by a simmering band of military and political personnel plotting to kill the Fuhrer. The colonel's plan is to commandeer the reserve army and enact Operation Valkyrie, the regime's standby for emergencies. Stauffenberg wants to convince the troops that Hitler's S.S. are trying to overthrow the government. With the reserves busy, the underground regime can take over. For all this to begin, the ever important assassination has to occur. Some have cold feet.

The plot was a lame duck. You knew Hitler lived. And the drama in finding out how the resistance failed was lacking. In their first attempt, some members of the team don't have the bravery to carry through with the entire plan. Then they proceed with a half-cocked attempt because they can't afford not to. Even though these people were doing the right thing, and acting with their best judgment, they look like boobs. I guess the "blame" really goes to history. The people there were truly entranced by their leader, and it took great gumption to defy him.

"Valkyrie" was a downer, and not in the artistically satisfying way. Having the cast speak English, and especially having Tom Cruise among European-looking actors, marred the suspension of disbelief. The dialogue was weighed down with details. Even with a speaker system in place, I found myself turning on the subtitles in case I missed some German noun being whispered between characters. It made watching a chore in spots.

***

It would take a good deal for me to relive this plot again, and "Valkyrie" was merely decent.

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

2009-08-04T22:36:00.002-04:00

Starring Mickey Rourke, Don Johnson, Daniel Baldwin, et al
Rated R, 98 minutes

Sometimes the littlest thing can make you watch a movie or TV show. For me, and "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man," it was flipping through OnDemand and thinking, "hmm, what did Mickey Rourke used to look like?" Apparently not wanting to get up and do a Google images search, I clicked through and watched.

Mickey Rourke is "Harley Davidson" and Don Johnson is "the Marlboro Man." They're both tough guys on the fringe of society. Harley rides bikes. Marlboro is a modern day cowboy. Marlboro's dressed like he came from a catalog shoot, so you wonder just how much time he's spent on the street. It's some years in the future. Okay, it's 1996. Burbank is now home to an international airport. One lone beacon to times past, the Rock & Roll Bar, is Harley & Marlboro's favorite hang out. The lease is up, and a big-time bank is asking $2.5 million for the property. The two outlaws decide to rally their barfly friends to rob said big-time bank and take back the bar.

Turns out the bank is a front for drug dealing. Instead of cash, the outlaw-approved Bags O'Money are filled with the latest street drug - "Crystal Dream." Now, Daniel Baldwin and his band of bulletproof thugs are after Harley & Marlboro.

This movie lets you know what's in store in the first 10 minutes. Cliched dialogue abounds, tits come out of shirts, profanity flies from the mouths of everyone. This is probably for the best, because you lean back and take it in as a popcorn movie pretty quickly. Everybody's in a contest for Best Male Action Movie Quote it seems, and most of their attempts are pure roquefort. The people in this movie have "A-Team" aim with their weapons. Funny, considering Marlboro grew up cowboy, and has deadly aim when pitted against inanimate objects.

The cast is a quirky assembly. Stars Daniel Baldwin, Tom Sizemore and Mickey Rourke would all have their run ins with drugs. Wrestler "Big" John Studd plays a tough guy who hustles on the arm wrestling table. He's not so tough when his crooner wife comes around, who's played by Vanessa Williams. Tia Carrere appears, but keeps her shirt on, letting three other actresses bare some flesh.

Rourke and Johnson are a fun enough pair, even if both feel a little phony in their characters. Mickey Rourke has since said he took this part solely for the money. I'm not surprised.

***¼

"Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" kept me happy for the duration. Like I said, I was set up by the film to let my mind take a rest, lay back, and watch things go boom. On that level, it was mostly a success.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

2009-08-01T10:39:00.001-04:00

Starring Kevin James, Jayma Mays, Keir O'Donnell, et al
Rated PG, 91 minutes

When "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" came out in January 2009, it debuted number 1 at the box office to many's surprise. Looking over the weeks surrounding its release, there weren't a lot of strong debuts to contend with. Moviegoers already had a week or few to see the acclaimed movies on show, and thus "Mall Cop" could have a big debut.

After seeing it, I'm surprised it had two weeks of staying power.

Kevin James plays Paul Blart, a 10-year mall cop whose hypoglycemia keeps him from moving on to the state police force. Paul's training a new hire, Veck (O'Donnell), when a kiosk worker named Amy (Mays) catches his attention. He pursues her, but makes an ass of himself at a co-worker get together. Soon after, Veck and a band of thugs try to take over the mall. His gang evacuate the customers, and take Amy and five others hostage. Paul's been left behind. And he could be the only way Veck gets foiled, and his hostages run free.

Kevin James pours a lot into his role, which is weird considering it's largely a conduit for mall cop jokes. The movie was better when it was over the top ridiculous; particularly when Blart was fending off the criminals. The relationship stuff was really cheesy and fast. Even for screwball comedy standards. Paul's a lonely single parent! Amy loves Paul because he's an endearing doofus! Paul loves Amy because she's attractive! All in two minutes!

Former "Punk'd" cast member Stephen Rannazzisi plays your typical asshole, and does a good job. If he gets more work out of this - all the better. Comedian Adam Ferrara played the police chief. I liked his stand-up, and was happy to see him here.

***

This clawed its way up to 3 stars. "Mall Cop" is pretty benign, and doesn't pretend to be more than what it is, so it's hard to hate it. It's likable enough, but not great.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Movies Volume II

2009-07-25T11:08:00.001-04:00

It's time for another installment of Capsule Review Cavalcade! It's another set of movies that won't get the full treatment, but receive my pithy insight and out-of-five star score anyway.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008) – Rated PG-13, 106 minutes
The Bond title no one could pronounce ("Quantum of Soul-less?"). It's the usual "supervillain tries to take a slice of world power; Bond stops him with luxury cars and has sex" stuff. This has the added angle of a Bond scorned, coming off the events of the first Daniel Craig film. That gave Bond a different edge than before. I haven't seen "Casino Royale," and from what I've heard, I'm missing something special. This, unfortunately, was like all the Pierce Brosnan Bonds I saw - decently entertaining, but nothing I'd remember too much about once I left the theater. My first impressions of Daniel Craig were positive, though. ***¼

THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946) – Not Rated, 172 minutes
Best Picture for 1947, "The Best Years of Our Lives" follows three World War II veterans as they return home to the states. Al returns to his post as a banker, where the rules of lending don't mean as much as they did before he saw action. Fred can't seem to find a job better than soda jerk. His pre-tour of duty marriage is also in disrepair. Homer lost both of his hands, something everybody's adjusting to. If you would've told me I'd like a near-three hour film from the '40s about war, I would have laughed at you. But this has quality performances and great representations of the struggles vets go through. In an era concerned with the production code, it still feels rather unencumbered. People joke about "the sledgehammer of plot," where the audience is hit so hard over the head with an impending detail, that its eventual reveal is anticlimatic. The Fred character was a victim of this; clearly destined to work in the drugstore, and to lose said job later in the movie. But it didn't hurt too much. The movie was slow in spots, but worth staying for. ****

NETWORK (1976) – Rated R, 121 minutes
Peter Finch plays Howard Beale, a news anchor in the twilight of his career who gets fired over slipping ratings. The decision makes him go mad. First he vows to kill himself on the air. He atones and comes back to deliver a goodbye statement...where he says "bullshit" about a dozen times. The crazy rants are big ratings for the fledgling fourth network. The programming department takes over the nightly newscast to play up on the tabloid. Howard speaks to a live audience in a sermon-like fashion. There's tarot card readers and other stunts. I suppose when it first came out, this was a more cutting-edge, scathing look at media and how it's slipped into a money-grabbing joke. Viewed now, it's not far from the truth. I wasn't sure if this was supposed to be dark serious or dark funny. I'll just plead ignorance. Maybe I latched on to details I wasn't supposed to care about, and got confused. I was just so bored. The film was sluggish. There was nothing to look forward to while I was watching it. I saw a lot of screaming monologues - some of which were alright. I feel like I know little about these characters. My hopes were high given that I'm a student of broadcasting, and that this movie found AFI's Top 100. *¾

The Wrestler (2008)

2009-07-21T13:10:00.004-04:00

Starring Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei, Evan Rachel Wood, et al
Rated R, 111 minutes

Darren Aronofsky came across my radar screen when I watched "Requiem for a Dream" last summer. I gave that film a positive review. It made me even more excited for his next announced project, "The Wrestler." I've been a fan of professional wrestling since I was 7, when I saw Bret Hart, Jerry "The King" Lawler and William Shatner all entangled on WWF Monday Night Raw. Yes, I still managed to watch it after seeing that spectacle.

Mickey Rourke plays Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a once popular grappler who's now making the rounds at armory halls and hometown arenas for hundreds of dollars a shot. He still abuses his body with drugs. He's estranged from his daughter (Wood). Despite having to hold down a regular job at a supermarket, Randy still frequents Cheeks, where aging stripper Pam (Tomei) gives him some semblance of human contact. After a bloody match, Randy collapses. He needs heart surgery. But he also needs the ring to survive - in more ways than one.

Our first live scene is The Ram 20 years after his popularity, using a children's classroom as a dressing room. As a wrestling fan, I could extrapolate that Randy was just living the life many '80s stars do now. Making their appearances wherever they can, using what's left of their fame. I didn't think that was so clear for a regular viewing audience. This might have been more powerful if the introduction featured footage of a young Ram, rather than all the posters and commentary sound.

Being a fan also took out some of the discovery for me. A lot of people who saw this movie were fascinated by the behind-the-scenes look into the squared circle. Although I already knew the sad truth for many formerly big wrestling stars, it still moved me to watch The Ram amble through his life. Without wrestling, what was there? Not much.

Kudos to the production team for getting it right in a lot of places. The scene at the autograph signing, with wrestlers of yesteryear peddling merchandise, was apt. The old video game Randy plays of himself was well created. Mickey Rourke looked the part. I was impressed with his ring skill. His work in this movie was correctly praised. Kudos too to Marisa Tomei, managing to keep beautifully classy while appearing (awesomely) naked.

***½

I enjoyed it. The near two hour film flew by. But I think my prior knowledge of pro wrestling held it back from greatness. I recognized the minor league organizations and wrestlers. In these familiar, still-current surroundings, my mind was occupied thinking about The Ram as an actual wrestler. All the award hype might be justified, but it was hard for me to see over my biases.

Bringing Down the House (2003)

2009-07-20T20:39:00.000-04:00

By Ben Mezrich
257 pages

"Bringing Down the House" tells the tale of the MIT blackjack team's assault on American casinos; Vegas in particular. Names are changed as the author sees fit. Not that any of these guys will find the casino floor any time soon. Other characters are composites of several real people.

Our main focus is "Kevin Lewis," an engineering major at MIT whose friends recruit him for their blackjack team. Using a method of collaborative card counting, the team play Vegas casinos in shifts, earning hundreds of thousands of dollars. A self-admitted geek who swims in his free time, Kevin now leads a double life out west. He can accost beautiful women. Hotel bosses shower him with lavish comps. The team break off from their mentor Micky Rosa and recruit more players. The profits are bigger than ever. But the danger goes up. Countless aliases, secret signals to get out of trouble, and even Hollywood makeup isn't enough to save the team from extinction.

You can tell why this book gave us the movie "21." I could barely stop myself from skimming ahead at key tension points. Mezrich knows how to spin his words and keep you reading. Between story beats, the book bounces to present day post-2000, where the author interviews some characters from Kevin Lewis' past.

The only things that drag down the book involve details. Does somebody reading a story about blackjack need the basic rules retold? I know the book was trying to be accessible as a narrative, but it felt unnecessary. Especially considering he neglected to ever mention implicity where MIT was, or what it stood for during the early goings. That may sound silly, but it also feels to me like basic writing. I also didn't like how every member of the blackjack team was given a tiny write-up. They, along with other ancillary characters, didn't need such description. Sure, it gives validity to Mezrich's writing, but this and everything else I describe here caused my enjoyment to slow a little bit.

I found out after I completed the book that the author didn't just change names. Some events were exaggerated. Some things that happened to these alias characters didn't happen to the real people. Was I bothered? Not really. There's a disclaimer in the book that talks about names being changed and composites being used. Perhaps the stories came from other gamblers, and Mezrich assigned them to his MIT characters. Perhaps the stories were urban legend.

"Bringing Down the House" is still a largely true tale, and even as a work of partial fiction (if that is indeed the case), it documents the meteoric high and gritty low involved with trying to take down the big guns in Sin City. Its high drama reads easily, and I recommend it.

****½

Knocked Up (2007)

2009-07-18T11:54:00.000-04:00

Starring Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl, Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd, et al
Rated R, 129 minutes

Ben (Rogen) lives on settlement money. Between bong hits, Ben and his friends try to mount a website based on celebrity nudity. Alison (Heigl) has just been made on-air talent at E! Entertainment Television. The two cross paths at a club, and wouldn't you know it? (check the title) He knocks her up. Now Ben has to straighten up to sire his child.

Coming in with expectations hurt the film in my opinion. When I hear "Judd Apatow" and see this cast - Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd - I expect what I got out of his other R-rated comedies. But the humor was soft compared to the rest of his catalog. It still has the spirited delivery and snappy pop culture references, but it lacked some edge. I expected a crude but heart-filled look into having a family unexpectedly.

Usually the two hour length of an Apatow comedy doesn't bother me. His movies are fun for the vast majority of the duration. But "Knocked Up" felt almost artificially long. It got dull as the baby was being delivered. The movie dug its claws in emotionally, which wasn't all bad, but it was a different experience than I signed up for. Despite all those minutes on the screen, the couple still fell in and out of love really quickly. It sort of invalidated the feelings the characters were supposed to have, and marred the suspension of disbelief.

That wasn't the only thing in the movie that led me to questions. The fact his friends are portrayed as such losers, you wouldn't even believe Katherine Heigl's character will step foot in their house, much less become part of his seeking-boobs-in-movies lifestyle. I feel like the movie skipped over the scenes where the two characters truly connect and/or Alison commits to making Ben a full-fledged partner. And I didn't believe two people in such a bind would use up so much money and time.

Paul Rudd and his movie wife (Leslie Mann) were a highlight. Kristin Wiig does well with her small role, and again - Bill Hader! Overall, I came out with not much of an opinion. I got bored in the last quarter or so, laughed a little early on, and wondered where the consistency was.

**½

The Onion Movie (2008)

2009-07-16T00:22:00.005-04:00

Starring Len Cariou, Sarah McElligot, Steven Seagal, et al
Unrated, 80 minutes

I was aware of "The Onion" and its hilarious headlines paired with satirical news stories for some time. But I only really took notice when a friend showed me some of their video material on the web. I was howling when I watched their slickly produced, straight-faced parodies of cable news.

The movie looked to deliver that. Underneath a rapid fire collection of fake news stories and the occasional sketch, there was a loose plot. Corporate giant Global Tetrahedron takes over Onion News, slipping in ads for its upcoming action blockbuster "Cockpuncher" during the broadcast. Veteran anchor Norm Archer (Cariou) was not happy with this direction, and threatened to quit. Tensions overseas were coming to a head, and he felt it was an important story worth covering.

I laughed hysterically at the first news story. Then a few went by with just a smile. A number of the sketches in this movie lacked a comic bang. Some had a decent premise. But those with a good idea would go on too long (a'la Saturday Night Live) or simply fail to take it the comedy distance I was accustomed to with The Onion newspaper. Other sketches lacked a decent idea to play with, like a lengthy one featuring a role playing game champion who gets transported into a real mythical world, and finds it much harder to deal with than he imagined. Off the top of my head, they could've had the guy try to play his various action cards and roll dice against these giant CGI beasts, quickly getting beaten into a bloody pulp. Instead, he clutches on to a 2-liter of Hawaiian Punch and cowers in fear. Meh.

It was a movie for Pete's sake, not an article for the print edition that had to be topical on a deadline. Take some time to write it! Especially with the apparent budget they had, where even the dumbest jokes looked like a million bucks, I was disappointed to see clunkers within the short 80 minute runtime.

Some parts were embarrassing reminders of "The Underground Comedy Movie." Remember that? Sold in direct response ads airing in late night time slots, "Underground" just pulverized the commercial viewer with random lewdness. "Dickman fights lesbians!" The same applied here. Characters talked dirty just to get a rise out of the audience. I can be a comedy dullard when I want to, chortling like a school child over a dick joke. But some instances in this movie made me feel embarrassed to watch.

Every now and again, a sketch would have that Onion charm. The mundane became breaking news. A regular headline, like U.S. obesity, would be turned on its ear. There was a particularly un-P.C. story about athletes overcoming handicaps that got me to lose it. Enough laughs were had to keep me sticking around for the next big joke. But not enough laughs to recommend seeing this movie. Perhaps if I make you a highlight reel.

**

Freestyle 7/15/09 - Web Soup, Cake Boss

2009-07-15T21:57:00.003-04:00

I caught an episode of Web Soup recently, the internet clip-based spin-off of E! network's Talk Soup revival, The Soup. The most obvious complaint about all these spin-offs is the totally inorganic development. Joel McHale grew into his on-screen persona as the What The? Awards became The Soup. Whether it's Sports Soup, The Dish or Web Soup, the appointed host simply does their best version of Joel today, complete with post-clip ad-libs - something Joel sunk his teeth into once The Soup got rolling. Each of these shows tries its hardest to have a stable of recurring segments like those on The Soup. But again, it comes off solely as an attempt to be like big brother.

The host of Web Soup is former Singled Out emcee Chris Hardwick. Having seen some of his other work, the show's tone is right up his alley. But because Joel came first, anyone else in these formats feels like an imitator. Chris was funny, but living in the shadow of the mothership.

Web Soup shared the same issue all web-clips-on-TV shows can't shake - the constant low-res video filled with artifacts on my high-res TV makes me want to change the channel.

I also caught Cake Boss on TLC, which premiered in April. It stars New Jersey baker Buddy Valastro and his Hoboken bakery, Carlo's. I caught Buddy on an episode of Food Network Challenge. He was teamed up with a bride-to-be to create an elaborate wedding cake for her big day. Buddy was bragging, in a vaguely sexist way, about getting the bride to see things his way.

The show is basically Ace of Cakes with an abrasive tone and a total lack of focus. We don't get a lot about the construction of the cakes. We go off on tangents involving the staff and Buddy's family. The background we get on the cake's recipients is spotty.

Cake Boss ends up portraying its East Coasters stereotypically, as people with tough guy accents acting tough while baking pastries. Buddy yells, the crew argues - the only thing missing is a spirited "fuhgedaboutit!!"

Word on the web says the events on Cake Boss are massaged by producers, with clients encouraged to act a certain way, and usual reality TV edits pumping more drama through the proceedings. When you're competing with an engaging show about a talented group of people like Ace of Cakes, I guess that sort of thing is necessary. For me, a fan of that particular show, Cake Boss is more noise than substance.

Chapter 27 (2007)

2009-07-14T16:54:00.001-04:00

Starring Jared Leto, Lindsay Lohan, Judah Friedlander, et al
Rated R, 84 minutes

"Chapter 27" documents the days leading up to the murder of John Lennon. His assassin, Mark David Chapman, is played here by Jared Leto. Narrating in character, he deliberately eschews a backstory, instead choosing to tell us about the events surrounding December 8, 1980.

I'm pretty sure this is the first film I've reviewed with Lindsay Lohan playing a part. Her casting was distracting. Jared Leto put on weight specifically for this role, eerily transforming himself into a serious contender for a Mark David Chapman lookalike contest.

The movie is a pretty straightforward character study into Chapman. A lot of his actions were motivated by his love for "The Catcher in the Rye" and how he identified with the book's protagonist, Holden Caulfield. Having not read the book, I felt disconnected from these references, and frustrated for not getting it. It obviously played a big role in what he did, and the film didn't illustrate the parallels that well for the uninformed.

I was a little bothered with the fact that a killer got his own movie. Not to mention said movie had nothing huge to say from an artistic standpoint. Jared Leto's performance was good. But not enough for me to justify the movie existing. Clearly, Mark David Chapman was not an adjusted individual. In his crusade against phoniness, he senselessly killed a beloved cultural icon. Why we're remembering that with this film is lost on me.

*½

Very Bad Things (1998)

2009-07-12T12:59:00.001-04:00

Starring Jon Favreau, Christian Slater, Cameron Diaz, Jeremy Piven, Daniel Stern, et al
Rated R, 100 minutes

I recently reviewed a movie about a trip to Vegas gone wrong ("The Hangover") so why not do another?

Present day - Kyle (Favreau) is nervously awaiting his wedding. Flashback to a few days ago. A trip to Sin City brings on the usual drinking and gambling. This being a bachelor party, there's also a stripper. While the rest of the troupe gets rowdy over drugs and a UFC fight, Michael (Piven) has sex with the hired hand in the bathroom. She ends up impaled on a wall fixture. Now they have a murder on their hands.

Michael's brother Adam (Stern) lashes out at Michael's usual stupidity. He wants to call the police. Fellow friend and unscrupulous real estate agent Robert (Slater) wants them to weigh the options. Call the police? Or bury her in the desert? Soon, security comes upstairs. And soon, they'll have two problems to put six feet under. Kyle's fiancee (Diaz) has already cracked planning the wedding. What will happen when she figures out what went down in Vegas?

The acting here was outstanding. Christian Slater was downright engaging. It's quite the assembly of actors and actresses. Jon Favreau, Daniel Stern, Jeremy Piven, Cameron Diaz, Jeanne Tripplehorn.

Several of them get a chance to shine here. There's a lot of scenes where the drama or comedy reaches a fever pitch, and the excitement came right through me sitting in my chair. I was tingling. This is a dark comedy to say the least. Despite all the very bad things going on, the right mix would hit me and I'd laugh. Perhaps I was given the idea to laugh from all the pre-viewing blurbs telling me it was a comedy. It was in the tagline - "A very savage comedy. Tell no one." Perhaps my moral compass needs to be remagnetized. Then again, I'm rarely offended, and fully accept this as fiction.

Would this have worked as a drama? I don't think so. You get the payoff of everybody basically being unhappy at the end. Cameron Diaz's character gets her wedding, but her husband is without his legs, and she's taking care of kids that aren't hers with no additional financial help. It's twisted, but it shows the audience the end result of all their maniacal ways. Without the edge of humor, it becomes a sorrowful tale where everybody is terrible. Instead, we cheer happily against our fallen stars.

The enjoyment of this movie grew exponentially throughout, reaching a practical sensory overload by the latter portion. You think it will twist in a predictable, but still cool way, and then it blindsides you with something else. In the end, they all turn out to be very bad people. Hell, from the start, they were doing blow in the hotel room. Their own values were a little off to begin with.

Searching around the net, there's pretty clear lines drawn on this one. It has less than favorable ratings at Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic.

*****

I'm on the "love" side of love/hate. It was too powerfully entertaining for me to score it any less.

Pineapple Express (2008)

2009-07-11T09:37:00.001-04:00

Starring Seth Rogen, James Franco, Gary Cole, Rosie Perez, et al
Rated R, 111 minutes

I was turned off to seeing any more "pot comedies" after I sat down to "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle." If that was what I could expect from one of these movies - mildly funny screwball antics held together with a chewing gum-quality structure - then I'd seen enough. When my girlfriend brought home "Pineapple Express," I reminded myself it was from Judd Apatow, and might have more to offer.

Indeed, this movie did have more going on for it. The events were still wacky, but they occurred much more organically. This movie was more down to earth because the relationships between characters were on point. It also had the blunt (pardon the pun) Seth Rogen-written humor I loved in "Superbad," with equally good (or better) delivery from Seth himself.

Seth Rogen plays Dale Denton, a process server who gives out subpoenas in disguise. With such a "demanding" job, he indulges in pot and talk radio throughout the day. After buying a rare marijuana called "Pineapple Express" from his dealer Saul (Franco), he witnesses a murder. The killers are a crooked cop (Perez) and a drug lord, Ted Jones (Cole). The victim was from a competing drug gang. Ted recognizes the roach deposited by Dale outside, and can trace it back to Saul. So he and Dale flee town...high. Cue the car chases, gun play and explosions. And the pot smoke.

James Franco wasn't the greatest, but he wasn't as out of place as I thought he'd be. Ed Begley Jr. was one of those celebrity "HE'S in THAT role?!?" castings that actually worked for me. He played the angry father of Dale's girlfriend. Generally, those type of actor and role marriages dominate the trailer and early hype, and it's ruined before you can see it. But this one was not, and I enjoyed it. Also, Bill Hader continues to earn awesome points in my book. He was in the opening scene, and did a bang up job as usual.

***¾

It was tough to rate this one. Solely on jokes and moments that made laugh, there were enough good ones in "Pineapple Express" to warrant a repeat viewing.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Adults Acting Silly

2009-07-10T12:20:00.005-04:00

Grown people competing in obstacle courses has become a hitmaker on TV over the past few years. One might trace the recent rash of adult stunt shows back to "MXC," the Spike TV redubbing of the Japanese game show classic "Takeshi's Castle." These subsequent efforts highlight the same thing we watched "MXC" for - people falling about in an attempt to complete a difficult physical task. One of the shows I'll review in this capsule cavalcade was adapted from Japan. One of these shows is another redub.

Ninja Warrior; G4
"Ninja Warrior" takes the long-running Japanese show "Sasuke" and cuts it up into 30 minute bites. On "Sasuke," 100 competitors come from all over the world to conquer Mount Midoryama. The game is divided into four different obstacle courses. The first two stages are speed runs. Contenders traverse a number of obstacles trying to beat the clock before it expires. Any time a player makes a mistake, they're prone to fall into the pit of muddy water underneath most of the structure. A majority of the competitors are eliminated in the first round. The third stage has no time limit, and uses mostly upper body strength. Whoever's left attempts the fourth stage, which is a thunderously fast climb to the top of "the mountain" (actually a big network of scaffolding) on a rope or similar device. Ultimate winners who complete all four stages receive a cash prize of approximately $37,000 American as of the latest tournament. In the show's first 12 years, comprising 22 competitions, two people have achieved this feat.

I agree that having such a tough game adds mystique and excitement to reaching the final stage, but I don't know if I'd have the same patience as our Far East friends if this were a first-run American series. 12 years and two winners? Enjoyed this way, where one season's competition can comprise only a few half hours, you don't notice as much. Especially when G4 runs it as part of a marathon, which is often. I like analyzing the techniques on the various obstacles, and talking with whoever's watching with me about what one competitor did right versus what another did wrong. The regular competitors are another highlight. Aside from the "all-stars" who do well, there's a stable of colorful characters that never make it far, but show up year after year to fail again for our amusement.

G4's editing of the show is weird. Sometimes they'll cut out entire runs of the course - in later stages no less, where there are only a dozen or so competitors. This would be excusable, except it's sometimes used to condense two whole stages into one half hour. Milk this cash cow, G4! The American announcer isn't the greatest, but his cheesy delivery sometimes adds to the charm. I can't watch it consistently, but when I'm in the mood? Bring on the marathon! ***½

Hole in the Wall; FOX
Here's another import from Japan, but this one is format only. Once upon a time, videos of "human Tetris" sprung up on YouTube. These were clips of a Japanese game show where contenders see a hole in a styrofoam wall that's coming at them, and attempt to contort their body to fit through it. Failure meant a dignity-stealing fall into the pool. The misfires were hilarious, and the victories fun as well. So FOX, ever the "innovator," decided to bring it over here. Two teams of three face off. The game starts with a "solo wall." One contender from each team attempts to clear a shape for one point. The game moves to walls involving two or all three members of the team for more points. The winning team after the three rounds collects $25,000, and attempts the "Blind Wall." One teammate is chosen to take on this final wall blindfolded, while the other two describe the body manipulation necessary to fit. If the player clears, the team splits $100,000.

The hosts are Brooke Burns and Mark Thompson. I liked Brooke Burns on "Dog Eat Dog," but she is sadly miscast here as a scream-til-you're-hoarse sideline reporter, while Mark Thompson turns the smarm to 11 as the main host. Everybody on set seems to be experiencing a sugar high, and it makes sticking through the half hour a chore. The main attraction is people looking silly trying to fit through walls. Perhaps the appeal only extended to those 3-minute YouTube chunks. The walls are often clever, but is it enough to base a game around? ** (I do like the animation sequences before each round, though.)

Wipeout; ABC
On this summer hit, 24 contestants take on an obstacle course meant to make them look like fools. Most of the obstacles are impossible to get through, and result in many hilarious wipeouts (hence the title of the show). Signature stunts include the "Sucker Punch," a wall of moving boxing gloves the contestant can only get past on a small ledge; and "Big Balls," a series of four huge inflatable red balls the contestant tries to walk over. In a nod to its inspiration from Japanese game shows, contestants flail into a body of water when they fail to complete an obstacle. However, contenders here are allowed to continue the course, swimming to the next task.

The 12 people with the fastest time through the qualifying course play "The Sweeper." Standing on clockwise-arranged pedestals, the contestants try to avoid a sweeping arm knocking them into the water. The first 6 to survive move on to the third round, with the last one standing earning a $1,000 bonus. In round three, the contenders are whittled down again with a new stunt to a final four. The last round, "The Wipeout Zone" is a larger obstacle course with similar tasks to complete. Whoever marks the fastest time there collects $50,000.

"Wipeout" puts more of a traditional game-show-type game behind all the courses, and it works. The final round is where it wears more of a "Fear Factor" mask, pushing the drama up, along with the cannons of fire in the background. But it fits when it's in the context of the Big Money Final Round. The commentators are ESPN's John Anderson and former "Talk Soup" host John Henson. I was a big "Soup" fan during his run, and enjoy seeing him here. The producers knowingly put the game on the backburner in the first round, giving the show a "YouTube appeal" of watching fall after fall. The tasks in the later rounds are also fun. One third round I particularly liked was "the dreadmill" where contestants ran against a conveyor belt that had inflatable fish and tennis balls impeding their progress. The producers struck a good balance here of game and humor. I enjoy my weekly dose of wipeouts. ***¾

Public Enemies (2009)

2009-07-06T02:42:00.000-04:00

Starring Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Cotillard, et al
Rated R, 140 minutes

"The Feds try to take down notorious American gangsters John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd during a booming crime wave in the 1930s." Blurbs like that made me think "Public Enemies" would follow the exploits of several Depression-era criminals. Really, this is a movie about John Dillinger (played by Johnny Depp). He robs banks. And America's law elite doesn't like it. But they don't have the financial support; they need to earn that.

The movie does a good (if usual) job of making you root for the criminal. Dillinger is charismatic and funny. Heck, we're cheering against the burgeoning FBI for Pete's sake! The first half lacked traction. I came out with a picture of how Dillinger lived, and why he lived that way in the time the movie was set. I did not discern, however, what in his past made him John Dillinger. Throughout, the audience is told about some of the characters rather than shown through slices of life. There's a distinct lack of a background on these people, and it makes the early scenes a jumble. Some scenes seemed to inhibit the greater narrative.

Just as I was readying my watch to look at it, things picked up. Though I knew the fate of John Dillinger, I still had hope in several parts of the movie that he'd make it out alive. Even when I knew I was in the scene where he'd be shot, I was eagerly anticipating when it would happen, and if John would fire off a few more rounds before being killed himself. "Armed and dangerous" was more than a casual phrase with Dillinger.

Johnny Depp gave the lead role a serviceable swagger. Christian Bale was perhaps wound a little too tight as FBI agent Melvin Purvis.

***½

Despite a lagging first half, "Public Enemies" managed to grip me as it pulled into the station. While the raucous gun fights had bigger impact on the big screen, I'd still recommend less-than-full monetary investment in seeing this one.

Gattaca (1997)

2009-07-04T15:09:00.002-04:00

Starring Ethan Hawke, Jude Law, Uma Thurman, et al
Rated PG-13, 106 minutes

In the futuristic world of "Gattaca," parents can use DNA to figure out their child's lot in life right from birth - even their life expectancy. Vincent (Hawke) was a "child of God." His parents chose not to engineer their son, instead leaving it to fate. Right out of the womb, doctors knew Vincent had a near-100% chance for heart disease, and would only live to be 30. When it came time to give Vincent a brother, his parents went the gene-ified route, making a child built for success. Having a DNA resume fraught with imperfections, Vincent was relegated to future society's lower class, working as a janitor. But he had dreams of going to space. And he would achieve them however he could.

Vincent hooks up with a black market dealer of identities. When able bodies become lame, their DNA goes up for sale in the underground. Jerome Morrow (Law), a former swimming champ who threw himself in front of a car after "only" winning the silver medal, is his choice. They enter a relationship where Jerome provides the samples, and Vincent goes to work. Will he be found out?

I must be young at heart, because I still like fictional looks into the future. This one had the added bonus of all the neat ways Vincent gets around not being who he says he is. Fake fingers for identity computers to poke. Scores of skin flakes and hair from Jerome. Every genetic piece of evidence is crucial. It was chilling and clever to see Vincent/Jerome interview for the space job by only providing a urine sample.

This future was distinct and cool. Interiors were very clean; exteriors were an unnerving shade of yellow. The characters with wooden personalities seemed to fit in this environment. It helped Jude Law's boisterous performance stand out more. This is my second exposure to his films, and I enjoyed his work again. Also appearing were Tony Shalhoub, Alan Arkin, Gore Vidal and Ernest Borgnine. They all fell naturally into their roles.

I was surprised to find out "Gattaca" was made 12 years ago. It looked so fresh. Maybe it's because I watched it in crisp HD, but I feel the visuals were right in step with the cutting edge. The only thing I didn't like on the visual front were two distracting jump cuts during key scenes.

***¾

I found myself practically yelling advice to the characters at points. That, plus Jude Law, the great visuals, and the intrigue of the future helped me push this into 3.75 territory.

Bride Wars (2009)

2009-07-03T01:23:00.000-04:00

Starring Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, et al
Rated PG, 89 minutes

Psst! Don't let the Man Card Society know I'm doing this review.

Liv (Hudson) and Emma (Hathaway) are lifelong friends, who each dream of a June wedding at New York's Plaza Hotel. Emma always bends to the wishes of others. Liv is domineering. When the ladies' perfect wedding plans go awry due to a double booking, their personalities shift as they each try to sabotage the other's special day.

This was enjoyable enough for what it was - a chick comedy. Kate Hudson in particular had some good comedy chops on display. Once you get past the written-in-a-blender introduction of the characters - which is almost necessary here - you get into the comedy meat. "Bride Wars" drew its humor from women at their worst. Perhaps for the fairer sex, the portrayals here were over the top and hilarious. For me, some of the moments were startling reminders of actual women I know. Surprisingly, the men in this movie get to be the rock in their women's lives for most of the duration.

But oy, that ending. If one of the friends had realized the err of her ways - preferably after each wedding went completely haywire in comic fashion - it would have been fine. Instead, one of them dumped her husband and ended up with her friend's brother! I guess you could say it was telegraphed...if you count a few pictures in a still photo montage as telegraphed. Basically, Anne Hathaway's character goes from being a doormat to sometimes assertive, and it ends up driving a wedge between her and her husband to be. I expected the character to find a happy medium between the two attitudes, apologize, and end up a happy bride again. Now it's plausible to think she secretly pined for her friend's brother for years.

A side plot point about Liv's parents felt tacked on to get the audience reaching for its tissues. Like I said, I would've liked the pranks to hit their peak at the weddings, with sabotage around every corner, before the predictable happy ending. Being a dude, I wanted the slapsticky payoff and less emotion. Instead, it got weird.

**¾

"Bride Wars" wasn't uproariously funny, but it wasn't offending me either. Not until that ending. Clearly I wasn't in the key demographic. I hope there isn't a market that considers falling for your friend's brother at said friend's wedding a romantic conclusion.

11:14 (2003)

2009-06-29T23:13:00.003-04:00

Starring Rachael Leigh Cook, Shawn Hatosy, Patrick Swayze, et al
Rated R, 86 minutes

Here's another one from the free-and-OnDemand files. This movie was under the Independent Film Channel's offerings. It was described as a black comedy where "5 intertwining stories intersect at exactly 11:14." I stopped reading there and clicked "watch."

Not sure this was a full blown black comedy, but it was alright. We start with a slightly drunk man driving home from a party, talking on his cell phone. A body comes from an overpass and smacks his windshield. Cops arrive and he eventually flees. A neighborhood woman condemns him for hitting his daughter with a car. But...he hit a man. So we flash backward to a vanful of young hooligans, who are the perpetrators in that murder. And it all unwinds (backwards) from there.

I don't know how this movie would work without the blurb I read, but there was built-in intrigue in figuring out how all the details would fit together. It was a little artificial, but it was there. I mean, what answers did you need to stick around for? Why was the guy in the first car drunk? Who was on the other end of the line? The mysteries weren't earth shattering, but your natural curiosity wants to see this movie through to the end.

***¼

"11:14" may not rock your world, but at under 90 minutes, I didn't feel cheated. You ignore a lot of the implausibilities because you accept it as an exercise in cleverly mixing the lives of five people. I did find some twisted laughs here. There were flashes of brilliance in the editing and shot composition. And as details from other threads paid off in later ones, I got more incentive to stay. But the stories lacked drama, and that was the biggest problem. But hey, Rachael Leigh Cook was hot in it. Eh? Eh?

The Hangover (2009)

2009-06-28T03:01:00.004-04:00

Starring Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, et al
Rated R, 100 minutes

"The Hangover" was something of a surprise hit, taking number 2 at the box office in its debut week with an impressive $43.7 million take; neck and neck with Pixar powerhouse "Up." I think this success can be attributed to its competition. The selection of R-rated comedies has been scant as of late. In the months leading up to "The Hangover," we had a sequel to "Night at the Museum," another darn Madea movie, "Star Trek," "Angels & Demons," and others. Guys with a funny bone haven't been served. They wanted another 2 hours of swearing and nudity. I think that propelled "The Hangover" to number one.

By the way, what the hell was up with "Land of the Lost?" That movie debuted the same weekend as "The Hangover" and came up terribly short (at $19.5 million). It had a big budget and Will Ferrell, but moviegoers knew better. The TV spots left me puzzled. Was this for families? There's Will Ferrell, but is this even a comedy?

Anyway, in "The Hangover," Doug is getting married. He has a Las Vegas bachelor party with his friends Stu and Phil (Helms and Cooper) and brother-in-law Alan (Galifianakis) tagging along. The night starts well meaning - just some liquor, gambling, and the promise of good times. Flash ahead to the morning after. Their luxury suite is in shambles. Doug is missing. What the hell happened?

The other three in our merry band search the city, retracing their steps to find Doug. I loved the device of showing us the aftermath of their night of debauchery, piecing together the actual events throughout the movie. It made the closing payoff that much better.

"The Hangover" seemed to be reaching for the pedigree of previous R-rated comedy smashes. In some scenes, it succeeded in producing big laughs with memorable setups. In others - like Mike Tyson's trailer-stealing cameo - this reaching interfered.

Justin Bartha appears at the beginning and end as the man having the wedding. He was pretty unlikable and generic, not really gelling with the other three. The movie's first scenes, with heaps of the Doug character, are light on the laughs compared to the scenes where he's absent later on.

Between the choice of music and some of the imagery, I had "Sopranos" flashbacks during the title sequence. If shown the first scene only, you'd be sure this wasn't a comedy. Just a few strange things to note given what I heard about this movie going in. Ed Helms does a predictably good Ed Helms, and I've always found Zach Galifianakis funny.

***¼

3.5 is my score for "90 minutes I didn't mind spending my time/money on." 3.25 says the same thing, but indicates I noticed a flaw. There were a lot of laughs in "The Hangover" - enough to get your money's worth. But there were some moments of nodding and smiling as well. There wasn't a buildup to a gut-busting scene or giant story revelation. As it stands now, it should be "that" guy movie for 2009. "The Hangover" is worth a night out, but seemed to lack what it takes to become a classic.

Freestyle 6/25/09 - Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon

2009-06-25T20:24:00.002-04:00

Michael Jackson passed away today at the age of 50. As a typically poor college student, I donate plasma for extra cash. In the middle of my session, I got a call from my mom saying Michael Jackson had suddenly died. I was beyond shocked. Soon, people across the entire clinic were getting the same call. The place was abuzz. Everywhere I went after that, people made sure YOU knew what happened. Without a doubt, Michael Jackson was an icon, and even now, he's got people talking everywhere.

My evening shift on the radio station was pre-recorded; so I went in to stop the automation and break the news a few times. Facebook was awash in condolences. Like the real world, the web wanted you to know - wherever you were - that the King of Pop was no more. Frankly, I was surprised weather.com didn't have it in their forecast.

It's hard to find somebody who doesn't even claim a few of Michael's songs as guilty pleasures. I know in my personal mix CD collection, I can find "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin." And I just imported tracks off his Number Ones CD, courtesy of my brother. His string of hits over several decades is a true beacon of the talent he had. His personal life will take a deserved backseat for now, but Mark Evanier has a good post on that front from personal experience working with Michael.

Ed McMahon passed away after a long battle with cancer this week. Some of music's one-hit wonders can be caught in interviews saying, "I"m just happy to be remembered." Ed can claim that superstar status from several avenues. Aside from the obvious time spent as Johnny Carson's second banana, Ed was a longtime spokesman for Budweiser. He lent his face to the giant checks at American Family Publishers. He co-hosted "Bloopers & Practical Jokes" with the equally iconic Dick Clark. He teamed with Jerry Lewis for his Labor Day Telethon. And he helped jump start numerous careers on "Star Search." Not bad for "just a sidekick."

It was sad that his last months were mired by all the personal problems aired in the media. Donald Trump buying his house while Ed struggled with bankruptcy was one part sad, but one part a reminder of just how beloved he was. Few people in entertainment could inspire an act like that.

Donnie Darko (2001)

2009-06-25T13:44:00.000-04:00

Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Jena Malone, Katharine Ross, et al
Rated R, 113 minutes

The only thing I knew about “Donnie Darko” was its unexplained cult status among people my age. In high school, girls sang its praises. Seeing it today as a college educated man, it must have been smoke and mirrors. Maybe it was just Jake Gyllenhaal being cute to them or something.

It’s 1988. For some reason. The time period alone got me to sit tight for the first part of the movie – nostalgia being what it is and all. Maybe that’s why it's set in '88. But it doesn’t mean much in the whole scheme of things. Maybe we just really needed that “Star Search” reference.

Donnie Darko (Gyllenhaal) is a troubled child on medication. Sleepwalking in a pill-induced stupor, Donnie sees a rabbit-like creature that tells him the world is going to end in less than a month. While he's away, a jet engine falls on his house that would have killed him. Later, the rabbit thing tells Donnie about time travel. The notion consumes him. Donnie can see where time will lead through a series of clear tubes. He wonders if he should change destiny.

Doesn't that just read like a Sid & Marty Krofft show? Tubes? A rabbit? Put to paper, the whole idea sounds ridiculous. The stuff in Donnie’s head was supposed to be disturbing, I guess, but the visual effects and rabbit costume were either too bizarre or cheesy to accept at times. Donnie is angsty, albeit funny. I guess the angst bred the movie's connection with high school types.

I just couldn’t dig my teeth into it. So Donnie takes pills for a vague or non-existent reason and sees stuff. He struggles with the notion of the world ending, but is a normal teenager most of the time. Maybe it’s because I didn’t understand it. But at the same time, the movie wasn’t compelling enough for me to make the effort. The climax seemed interesting, but I wasn’t fully grasping what was going on. I only appreciated it on a superficial level.

The high school scenes were really cliche. Dumb student types would nudge each other and talk during class. High school always gets portrayed in an "every day is hell" sort of way, perhaps due to the compression of time in TV & film. But it annoys me. I was also nonplussed by the performances here. The tone bounced around; it went between really dark and generic teen movie at points. I liked the latter more than the former.

**¾

I don’t totally hate this movie. There were several scenes I actively enjoyed. I just didn’t come out with any sort of resolution, any sort of conclusion. I was mostly confused...or disinterested in becoming not confused.

Top 10 Roller Coasters at Cedar Point

2009-06-23T10:41:00.004-04:00

If you live in the midwest, chances are you've been to Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio. High school reward field trips, youth group retreats, that first road trip with your new driver's license - a lot of avenues lead to America's Roller Coast (Ride On!). Whether its claim of having more rides than any other theme park (at 75) is true or not, Cedar Point does boast 17 roller coasters, which is the true draw in my eyes. Cedar Point is not about costumed characters or stage shows - it's about the thrills. Just removed from a sunny weekend at the park, here is a list of my favorite 10 roller coasters. (For the purposes of this list, I did not consider Wicked Twister to be a bonafide coaster)

10. Top Thrill Dragster - Watching the tree of lights and listening to the engine rev before you soar up 400 feet is great nerve-wracking anticipation. Wish it was more of a complete ride, though. The long lines for such a short experience is what hurts Top Thrill's ranking.

9. Disaster Transport - The first time I rode this, a lot of the special effects still worked. There were sound clips on the ride itself, and the queue made you feel as if you were taking a futuristic journey. But even then, you could tell it was quite dilapidated. Now, cheesy glow paint covers what used to be an interesting place to wait for the ride. And the coaster portion lacks life. I still like the unique "bobsled trains" that detach from the track.

8. Blue Streak - A quick, fun wooden coaster. In my most recent visit, it was a lot shakier than I remembered it. But it still has a lot more character than a certain other wooden coaster known for its teeth rattling.

7. Mantis - I think this ride highlights the wrong experience. You take on Mantis standing up - with a bike seat unceremoniously jammed in your crotch as part of the restraint system. I felt the first plunge, where you speed at the ground feeling helpless, was an awesome thrill. But then, it was loops and flips that did nothing for me. These coasters are built so well and smooth, going upside down is downright comfortable.

6. Iron Dragon - Sure, it's a wuss coaster, but there are a few times you get whipped around that I believe deliver just a hair more thrill than the Mantis.

5. Magnum - It's a bit rough, but I like my roller coasters classic - big hills, big drops. Magnum's one of the tallest, and it has some secondary dips that make it fun. Magnum's sprawl across the side of the park near Lake Erie is a great ride - and the best commercial for Soak City & Challenge Park they could have asked for. You get to really examine all the water slides over there before you take the first drop.

4. Raptor - The hanging aspect is a lot of fun, and delivers a lot of air - literally. The Raptor offers souvenir videos now, taken from a camera located in the next seat. The launch crew are among the funniest in the park on most days. Their spiels are delightfully sarcastic.

3. Gemini - Gemini is not a long ride, even by Cedar Point coaster standards. But the interaction racing with your "opponent" train helps you savor the ride and give you a fuller experience, especially when a playful rivalry develops. I don't think I've ever held my hands up over that drop with the precariously low hanging beam.

2. Millennium Force - I used to be a wuss when it came to the first hill on roller coasters. When my friend's dad gave me no choice but to ride The Force for the first time, I dove headfirst into it and threw my hands up on the first hill. Talk about helpless - when you look at the ground from 300 feet straight up, no lift hill can shock you after that. And after the first one, Millennium Force delivers a bunch more jumps for your airtime dollar. One of the longest rides in the park, and one of the most satisfying.

1. Maverick - I tried desperately to avoid letting the new guy edge out number one. I finally got a chance to ride it this summer, and man...does it deserve it. In a mere couple minutes, you get so many different experiences. When we left the station, I heard something about a "130 degree drop." Before I could figure out what that was, Maverick ZIPPED up the first hill and dropped me underneath where I started. After that it was a delightful whiplash effect, as turns and loops came at me left and right at perfect speed. The tunnel fake-out with another speed boost is also good fun. Maverick seems to be suffering from the same growing pains Top Thrill Dragster had (unsuccessful launches, frequent but brief closures), but hopefully I can hit it up again and again in the future.

And now real quick, a bonus bottom three list:

3. Mean Streak - A giant wooden coaster that you can't tell was only built in the 90s, Mean Streak is truly mean. People know it better for its tendency to make your back and neck hurt than anything else. I developed a strategy for it this summer - ride with your back away from the seat. With the rattling reduced, I noticed something - Mean Streak is pretty boring.

2. Cedar Creek Mine Ride - Nothing says dull like a roller coaster with two climactic lift hills...that clink up and up and up...slowly but surely to top height and THEN!! Don't drop you.

1. Corkscrew - My least favorite. It feels a lot shorter than its clocked 1 minute and 40 second run time. Over its life, Corkscrew has developed Mean Streak syndrome, bouncing your head around in painful fashion.

Alfie (2004)

2009-06-21T15:44:00.002-04:00

Starring Jude Law, Nia Long, Marisa Tomei, et al
Rated R, 103 minutes

“Alfie” is a 2004 remake of a 1966 British film starring Michael Caine, which in turn was based on a novel and play by Bill Naughton. I haven’t seen or read any of those previous iterations, so this movie will not be judged against them.

Jude Law plays Alfie, a cool man about town who sleeps around and only makes as much money as he needs to maintain his charismatic swagger. As we catch up with him, he has a regular fallback tail in the form of single mother Julie (Tomei). Alfie’s friend and co-worker Marlon has cheated on his girlfriend Lonette (Long), but wants her back. He has Alfie put in a good word to win Lonette back. Apparently to Alfie, “a good word” means “his genitalia.” Meanwhile, Julie leaves him for other reasons. Alfie finds out he got Lonette pregnant. Life as a ne’er-do-care looks less attractive.

This movie was very erratic. It was funny, and it tugged at your heart. Things changed gears as often as Alfie changed partners. Once the movie hit the ground running emotionally, it worked. Alfie became less of a playboy and more of a person, with more heart than you would have given him credit for previously. It was hard to accept the breaking the fourth wall talking to the audience when the character of Alfie was not Joe Everyman. He’s very chic for somebody living so “modestly.” His looks are better than average. He basically seems above the audience until he reveals his heart later on.

I liked the cast. Jude Law gave a great performance under both arms of Alfie’s personality. Susan Sarandon was a surprise, and another highlight. Gedde Watanabe and Jane Krakowski were among the familiar faces in the lesser roles. The visual style meshed well with the character of Alfie. The locales came across as fashionable as he was. I liked the bold billboards used to convey themes. The unique soundtrack by Mick Jagger and Dave Stewart of The Eurhythmics also helped give the movie its character.

***½

You were never really sure which set of characters was going to finish out the movie. “Alfie” was enjoyable, but frustrating to get into.

Spy Hard (1996)

2009-06-19T01:42:00.000-04:00

Starring Leslie Nielsen, Nicollette Sheridan, Charles Durning, et al
Rated PG-13, 81 minutes

I’ve had the pleasure lately to have digital cable in my home. Strangely, I found the interactive guide to be my favorite feature above OnDemand and the expanded channel selection. But, with time to kill, I decided to peruse the OnDemand free movies section. It was here I knew I’d find movies I’d otherwise not take the effort to see.

Enter “Spy Hard.” Leslie Nielsen stars in this “Naked Gun” version of James Bond. General Rancor (played by Andy Griffith) is threatening to destroy the earth. Our hero, surrounded by gags, is on the case.

I frankly don’t wish to expend the energy in telling you too much about this one. It was a Leslie Nielsen comedy. It should’ve had the tools to at least be passably funny. We had the typical cast of well-known actors – Robert Guilliame, Barry Bostwick, Marcia Gay Harden. “Weird” Al Yankovic did the mock-Bond title sequence. Sadly, this movie came up way short.

“Spy Hard” used the tried-and-true “Naked Gun” formula of nailing you with joke after joke, sight gag after sight gag. I laughed large when I saw “Naked Gun” – even the lesser sequels. But the jokes and gags here barely elicited a chuckle for effort. Apparently for the makers of this film, more was more. It would have been funnier in places NOT to have a joke. When you see a character pass by a door labeled “MAIN ENTRANCE” in big bold letters, you know a door with a gag entrance sign is up ahead.

Other gags were a painful trip back in time, with VCR jokes and references to “Speed.” When it’s funny, you can forgive being dated. It should come as no surprise this came from the writing duo attached to “Date Movie,” “Epic Movie” and that ilk. This movie was not quite as bad in the “product of its own time” department, but you could feel their influence. “Spy Hard” probably would have produced big laughs in a roomful of elementary school kids – but I guess there was enough targeted towards an older crowd to warrant a PG-13 rating.

I did laugh a couple of times. Getting Ray Charles to play a bus driver was a boon. Hulk Hogan and Dr. Joyce Brothers in a cameo as tag team partners was nice. The movie’s version of Macaulay Culkin being dragged up the stairs “for ‘My Girl’ and ‘My Girl 2’” was funny (“but I wasn’t in ‘My Girl 2!!’” “we don’t care!”). And Pat Morita had a tiny, but laugh-inducing role as a gay waiter.

¾*

But, when you’re boiling it down to the redeeming jokes – which make up scant minutes of an already scant film – you can’t give it a high score. I wanted it to be a doppelganger “Naked Gun.” It was – but it didn’t try to imitate the funny.

Freestyle 6/18/09 - Stephen Glass, Joe Buck Live, Conan O'Brien

2009-06-18T11:00:00.009-04:00

This is a new feature I want to try out called "JA1 Freestyle." Lately I've had little opinions that don't fit in the confines of a normal review, so - I'll talk about them here. Whenever a topic or topics grab me, I can do a "Freestyle post" and just riff.

Getting into the DVD extras of "Shattered Glass" and reading more of Stephen Glass' story, I'm just really disgusted by him. I gave Hayden Christensen a bit of flak in my review for playing Steve as too naive and odd. In seeing Stephen Glass interviewed on "60 Minutes," he is exactly that guy. To this day, far removed from the scandal, and admitting to everything, he's playing the wounded. He unflappably told Steve Kroft things he made up, and sounded as if he was owing to something bigger like a mental disorder. Whatever the case, he makes an average reader question journalism, which is a shame. Even my professor admitted to cooking a quote in his younger years. And I can admit to fudging a few words to get the quotes sounding like I want them to for my story.

It reminded me of being "behind the scenes" at a restaurant, working in the kitchen for three years. Little things go on that are not exactly health violations, but not the best for the customer anyway. For example, slicing a hard boiled egg for a salad, putting it on the plate, finding the customer doesn't want it, and cleaning up the evidence to keep it aside for use later. How much money was saved there? My colleagues, and workers from other restaurants, would swap stories like this. It's a parallel to Glass, because, we trust things in life to be on the up-and-up. Ever since hearing a few stories from the restaurant game, and working there myself, I know these little "slip-ups" are just part of the job. I should expect them at any other restaurant, chain or otherwise.

Thus, do I now expect every journalist to bring me the best-sounding version of the truth instead of just using their eyes and ears? I hope not, but all of this gives me pause.

"Joe Buck Live" premiered on HBO, and the biggest news was the appearance of Artie Lange. Artie's been Howard Stern's radio sidekick for the better part of 8 years. Watching the infamous post-show web-clip, it's clear Artie was one of the better things going on for that program. I like Jason Sudeikis of "Saturday Night Live," and I like Paul Rudd - who shared the stage with Lange on the premiere broadcast. But they were resigned to stories about high school, as Joe Buck uncomfortably tried to ignore Artie's R-rated act. Artie was simply filling in a void. Jason and Paul were not working as hard as he was to make the show interesting. Artie said as much on the Stern show this week, saying he would have never went on such a tirade had Rudd and Sudeikis been doing comedy material.

Artie's the consummate talk show guest. He can tell great stories and ad-lib with the best of them. A lot of people are taking his appearance the wrong way. He did not set out to tear down Joe Buck. He merely went the extra mile to make it a good show when the show as planned wasn't getting there. I found it hilarious. You don't book Artie on HBO and not expect cursing and the like. Sure it was awkward, but it was a better awkward than watching Joe try to have a "legitimate" last segment.

I only got to see "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" a couple of times during its first week. The set is attractive, but not particularly inviting in my opinion. It feels too open in the guest area. The first show was so-so. I was glad to see Conan back, basking in his 11:30 glory. The bits weren't bonafide home runs given all the prep time, and Will Ferrell's appearance was awkward, but it gave me hope for the years to come. Already with a better guest in Tom Hanks, show 2 was a step up. Seeing "In the Year 2000" revived and revamped on Wednesday was great. Hopefully they work in more Classic Conan as time goes on. Hopefully they show viewers at 11:30 why Conan did so well at 12:30. I believed him on his final show when he said he "wouldn't grow up" in his new time slot. People are still worrying that's not the case, but I'll give it some time.

Shattered Glass (2003)

2009-06-16T11:40:00.002-04:00

Starring Hayden Christensen, Peter Sarsgaard, Hank Azaria, et al
Rated PG-13, 94 minutes

Stephen Glass (Christensen) was a wunderkind journalist. He found himself contributing to major magazines right out of college. He became an associate editor at The New Republic by the age of 26. The New Republic is a political magazine whose claim to fame is being the on-flight publication for Air Force One. Glass' signature was his feature writing, telling tales of drunken debauchery at a conservative's conference, or mall Santa Clauses forming a union.

It's 1998. The internet is just starting to explode. Glass' latest and greatest project is a story about a kid hacker who negotiated a multi-million dollar deal with a company whose website he hacked. When reporters from the web notice inaccuracies with Glass' account, The New Republic comes under fire. Editor Michael Kelly (Azaria) defends Stephen, and eventually loses his job. He gets replaced by reporter Chuck Lane (Sarsgaard), who has no political support from the staff. As Chuck digs into the hacker story, he finds the real truth about the Stephen Glass style of "reporting."

Just seeing the title card telegraphs the plot of this movie, so I was a bit disappointed on that front. Stephen's comments about not violating your ethics practically act as a flashing "FORESHADOWING" graphic. Hayden Christensen makes Glass sound perpetually guilty throughout the main portion of the film, which works here I guess, because it makes the audience feel smarter when they catch him in his lies. I liked both Hank Azaria and Peter Sarsgaard here. You could feel the weight on Chuck Lane's shoulders as he took over the editor's post. As a viewer, you grew away from seeing him as an enemy as his home life was shown.

The way scenes materialized, I thought this would be a movie about the rise of internet journalism. The side plot involving the Forbes web team tearing down Glass gets cast aside, only resolving itself in a title card. I found their scenes quite entertaining. I mean, Glass created the "big computer company's website" on a members.aol domain. HA!

It seems I've had a string of movies about con men. I recently put thoughts to keyboard on "Matchstick Men," and like that movie, this one pleased me from a voyeur-to-a-liar standpoint. Watching Glass fall apart, and watching his editor deconstruct his poor story, was oddly pleasurable. That would be called schadenfreude, I know, but my doctor has prescribed not crowbarring new vocabulary into my reviews.

***½

Fine, but not a home run, "Shattered Glass" is okay if you're studying journalism (like myself) or if you like watching liars squirm.

Smash Mouth – Fush Yu Mang (1997)

2009-06-12T12:17:00.001-04:00

Back while I was still in grade school, me and my brother got our first big CD player. So what do two not-yet-teenagers do with a CD player and a mother’s membership in Columbia House? Why, order every CD from a band with a hit of course! This led to us getting a Barenaked Ladies album in the wake of “One Week,” grabbing Sugar Ray’s CD because of “Fly” and even ordering Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumper.”

The CDs we got were a mixed bag to say the least. The Sugar Ray album was unmemorable. Barenaked Ladies and Matchbox 20 both surprised us with more great songs beyond the one we bought the album for. The one from Smash Mouth? Didn’t get played.

A couple of years later, I hear some catchy tunes coming from my brother’s bedroom. He was playing Smash Mouth’s album “Fush Yu Mang” in its entirety. And so, here we are.

Smash Mouth came onto the scene with their hit “Walkin’ on the Sun” in 1997. It got considerable airplay on the radio, MTV and VH1 alongside Third Eye Blind, Sugar Ray and Matchbox 20 back in the day. I doubt a majority of the two million people who bought “Fush Yu Mang” explored it beyond the single.

What they missed was an interesting album of catchy ska and punk-influenced songs. I feel like there are some unexplored radio hits in this mix.

Track listing:
1 – Flo (2:11)
2 – Beer Goggles (2:00)
3 – Walkin’ on the Sun (3:26)
4 – Let’s Rock (2:49)
5 – Heave-Ho (3:46)
6 – The Fonz (3:38)
7 – Pet Names (2:19)
8 – Padrino (3:44)
9 – Nervous in the Alley (2:31)
10 – Disconnect the Dots (2:49)
11 – Push (2:49)
12 – Why Can’t We Be Friends (4:45)

Based on listening to this album, I drew a parallel between Smash Mouth and AC/DC. Both bands have signature instrumentation and a unique lead singer. Outside of “Walking on the Sun,” the other 11 songs share a distinct style. They sound somewhat similar, but the clever lyrics, hooks and riffs help each song stand out. Much like AC/DC.

The tracks on this album leave you wanting more and don’t overstay their welcome. The laid back sound and commercial-tagline-filled chorus of “Walking on the Sun” remain as catchy as they were in 1997. Personal highlights for me include “Flo” and “Beer Goggles,” songs I quickly latched onto and sing along with. “Heave-Ho” is a fun tale of a whiny neighbor. “Pet Names” is a clever one about becoming the ex-boyfriend. The album has a fitting close with a capable cover of War’s “Why Can’t We Be Friends.”

****½

Perhaps the ska-type guitar work and horn section would throw off fans of Smash Mouth’s chart-toppers, especially with ska not in vogue. Maybe I’m just a sucker for rocking out and having a good time. This album delivers just that. A lot of punch and a lot of fun.

Waydowntown (2000)

2009-06-09T23:47:00.000-04:00

Starring Fabrizio Filippo, Don McKellar, Gordon Currie, Marya Delver, et al
Rated R, 87 minutes

“Waydowntown” is director/writer Gary Burns’ commentary on the corporate lifestyle and Calgary’s fading downtown. The Plus-15 network of above-ground walkways makes it possible to always stay inside. Office towers, shopping malls and apartment complexes are all linked in one way or another. Four cubicle denizens decide to bet a month’s salary apiece on who can stay inside the longest. We join them in the middle of a typical day on the bet.

Tom (Filippo) is our narrator. He is portrayed as the most normal, smoking pot to deal with the stress. He actively questions life in the office, and notices his priorities changing for the worse in this environment. Curt (Currie) is a sort of stuck-in-college “ladies’ man” who performed a similar bet in his university years. Sandra (Delver) is assigned to babysitting the company’s elderly boss. She’s beginning to feel claustrophobic inside their glass bubble. Tom’s cube-neighbor Bradley (McKellar) is a bystander to the proceedings. His longevity at the company, combined with his lack of accomplishment, has him feeling suicidal. And fourth in on the bet is Randy.

That’s all you really need to know about Randy. Perhaps his big character moments were left on the cutting room floor. But in the release version, he plays C-story to the tales of the other three and Bradley. Did this movie market better with an even number of people betting or something?

I praised 1978’s “Dawn of the Dead” just for bringing me into the shopping mall of the 70s. I’m just a sucker for retail and capitalism I guess. “Waydowntown” gets similar kudos for its unique indoor cityscape, but it doesn’t boost the overall score too much.

Removed several weeks from seeing it, I’ve been able to draw a clearer conclusion on the movie’s statements about office life and modern-day conveniences like the walkway system. However, the film’s surrealist nature threw a lot of things in your face that never fleshed out in my opinion. I felt something larger was being reached for, but never got paid off. Maybe that in itself has to do with the message. One character says we can’t have moments like they do “in the movies.” Well maybe I’m too traditional, but this IS the movies, and I should come out with something. Confusion and apathy is not something in this case.

**¾

There were some clever bits embedded here, I’ll admit. “Waydowntown” appeared to have some tools with which to make a good viewing experience. Maybe my score reflects the fact I was told this was a comedy, and the movie didn’t deliver a whole lot of belly laughs. If someone were to rein in the more “out there” tendencies of this movie, maybe it could have delivered something more solid.

Matchstick Men (2003)

2009-06-05T13:34:00.000-04:00

Starring Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Alison Lohman, et al
Rated PG-13, 113 minutes

Roy Waller (Cage) is a con artist. With his partner/apprentice Frank (Rockwell) he makes thousands in a water filtration system scam. Roy’s various mental afflictions – OCD, agoraphobia and more – catch up with him and boil over in the form of a panic attack. Frank’s out of the money as a result, so he refers Roy to a psychiatrist. He goes initially just to get medication. But he soon discovers, through the doctor, that he has a daughter from his ex-wife.

I found myself recapping the plot about two-thirds in during a bathroom break. As a gut reaction, I was impressed with how it progressed from the summary I gave above. But as I was bulletpointing the events in the story to myself, I was surprised to find how old hat it was. “Matchstick Men” was just so well done, with unique characters and good acting, that I sort of ignored it. Luckily, that quality carries you to the latter portion of the film, where your expectations get turned on their ear.

I love to be “in” on a scheme. It’s why “Catch Me If You Can” has so much re-watchability for me. I am still engrossed by the schemes Leonardo DiCaprio’s character pulls off. As such, this is a movie I feel like I could see again and appreciate. Cons are fun to watch.

The visuals here are fitting. Roy’s meticulous throwback home and messy makeshift office space embody both sides of his personality. Lighting was also used to good effect. You got a feel for the scene and its mood before any words were said.

****

Sam Rockwell continues to earn respect in my book. He was very good in his supporting role here, as has been the case in every other movie I’ve seen him in thus far. Nicolas Cage brings through the quirkiness of his character well. I’d seek this movie out for another screening in the future.

Top 5 AC/DC Songs

2009-06-04T13:22:00.004-04:00

AC/DC has long been one of my favorites. My dad turned me on to them, playing their music in the car throughout my early years. As such, I had copies of Highway to Hell and Back in Black before I was ten. He's since re-purchased a lot of the albums on CD. We bought him the Bonfire box set and Family Jewels DVD for holiday gifts. I turn on the Brian Johnson, voice and mannerisms, whenever me and the friends play AC/DC Rock Band. Pretty much, we love AC/DC. Here now is a list of AC/DC songs that rank due to their ability in keeping me from switching the track or radio station.

Normally I'd do honorable mentions as well, but that's about 90% of their catalog.

5. TNT - Got to love the High Voltage album. A well-written classic.

4. Girls Got Rhythm - The second track off Highway to Hell; one of my personal favorites. I like how Bon sings more desperately as the song goes on.

3. Back in Black - You can't forget that riff. You just can't. Still feels cathartic after all these years.

2. Safe in New York City - A fun track off the album Stiff Upper Lip I just never seem to tire of listening to.

1. It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll) - Another one from High Voltage. Every time I hear the intro kick in, I have to turn up the radio and stop everything. How can a song with what is essentially a duel between bagpipes and Angus Young's guitar be bad?

Night at the Museum (2006)

2009-06-01T13:28:00.002-04:00

Starring Ben Stiller, Dick Van Dyke, Carla Gugino, Jake Cherry, et al
Rated PG, 108 minutes

Larry Daley (Stiller) is a divorced father who tries to make a living with crackpot inventions instead of an honest job. When it looks like he’ll get evicted again, and let down his son (Cherry), he takes the last job available – night watchman at the Museum of Natural History. It quickly turns out to be more than just watching monitors and sleeping. At night, all the artifacts come to life, and Larry has to keep them indoors until the sun rises.

“Night at the Museum” was based on a children’s book, which seems like no surprise now given the fantastical nature of the story. Everything coming to life – big or small – is one of those things you just want to believe as a kid, like time machines. This is one of those ideas that sounds like a home run on paper. It all depends on the execution. The people behind this movie pulled it off. The story combined with the special effects gave a good answer to the question, “what would happen if historic figures came to life and had to live together?”

I liked how the elder night guards, played by Dick Van Dyke, Bill Cobbs and Mickey Rooney, gave Larry a crusty document of instructions on how to get all the historical figures to live in harmony. The directions were clever. I was anticipating what the later ones would be, and what trouble Larry would find himself in. Their use in the story was cut too short in my opinion.

The guards weren’t the only familiar faces here. Owen Wilson, Robin Williams, Brad Garrett, Charlie Murphy and Ricky Gervais were among the supporting cast. Ricky’s part in particular made me laugh.

****½

I had a minor quibble with Ben Stiller being too Ben Stiller at times. It didn’t feel totally compatible for him to be off-the-wall nutty alongside the emotional part of his character. But, that’s why you cast Ben Stiller I guess, right? This was meant to be a family fun movie, and “Night at the Museum” fills that role very well.

Top 5 Items at McDonald’s

2009-05-30T14:44:00.000-04:00

McDonald’s – an American institution and a global brand. Even with unmatched success in fast food, they’re constantly dreaming up new ideas. Or, trying to match a competitor’s good idea. Right now, they’re horning in on Starbucks’ territory. Designer coffee, posh-looking, high-tabled restaurants…sure, for every one of these, you still have four restaurants with plastic booths and tile floors installed when Colonel Sanders was alive, but they’re trying. And the remodeled places are quite nice.

Here are the five items I like the best from my lifetime under the glow of the golden arches.

5. The McGriddle – For me and my peers, breakfast at McDonald’s was something of a special occasion. Whether it was in public school or college, it would take some effort to get down to the restaurant before they switched over to lunch. When I found the McGriddle, I had extra motivation. It was just cool. Specially made griddle cakes embossed with the McDonalds logo sandwich the machine-shaped egg and meat-of-choice. And there’s a touch of syrup through every bite. SO delicious. The McGriddles left an even bigger lump in my stomach than the old offerings, though. Neck and neck with burgers in the calorie department, their tendency to make me McSick is the only thing keeping them from a higher position on the list.

4. The McFlurry – Soft serve vanilla ice cream + sweet chunks o’something = good. Nothing terribly unique, but a fitting dessert. I go for Oreo.

3. The McChicken – Can you imagine a world without value menus? I’ve always been a big chicken sandwich guy. When I found out McDonald’s dollar chicken sandwich had EXACTLY my order on it – lettuce and mayo – I was a fan. And it tastes good too. Keeping it down at number three is the uneven quality of the sandwich, tasting a little different at certain restaurants when they have an off day.

2. Fries – Still delicious after all these years. The nature of the beast means some not-so-perfect batches of fries, but when you catch them at the right time? Yeah.

1. Chicken McNuggets – Like I said, I’m a big chicken guy. This is chicken with none of the B.S. McNuggets have such a distinct taste. Some may think they’re gross, too processed. Me? Line ‘em up. I take mine with the equally unique McDonald’s barbecue sauce. They should bottle that stuff up. I’d buy it. When the food and the stuff you dip the food in is exclusive...you’ve got quite the hold on your marketplace.

300 (2007)

2009-05-29T12:05:00.002-04:00

Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Hedley, et al
Rated R, 117 minutes

King Leonidas of Sparta was brought up in the Spartan tradition. Young men were made warriors from birth. When King Xerxes of the Persians demands surrender from Sparta, Leonidas decides the best course of action is killing their messenger and going to war. The elders deny him permission, but he soldiers on anyway with only 300 men.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t have a hard-on for history. You can’t just throw me into a situation from the past and have me intrigued. “300” sort of started that way. I’ve taken two courses worth of world history. I’m not totally in the dark – I knew this was the Battle of Thermopylae. But as a movie, as a story, I need a reason to take sides. We start with one king being threatened by another king and not standing for it. He steps around the rules and takes a small force out to battle. Even with the narrative about his upbringing, until Sparta had some shred of victory, I felt no active reason to root for them. They were just men from the past with militaristic bluster, and that was it.

This movie’s based on a graphic novel, and it shows beautifully. The visuals are bold. The shots on screen wonderfully recreate the frames on paper. The action starts off very gritty, very real, and very intriguing. As they battle on, the Spartans become more superhuman. Gone are brutal spear jobs from up close, replaced by the choreographed block-and-kill we’re used to from other action movies. Overall, “300” felt more like a showcase for the visuals mixed in with some historic chronicle, rather than a fluid piece of storytelling.

This is evident in the scenes off the battlefield with the queen and the council. They appear with no real rhythm, feeling like interruptions. It may be a tired device to ramp up the tension both on and off the war path and cut between the two. But doing that would’ve made the political scenes more interesting.

***½

Battle is not my thing. I’ll admit that. But I feel like more could have been done for me to love this movie, rather than just like it.

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

2009-05-28T20:39:00.000-04:00

Starring John Cho, Kal Penn, et al
Rated R, 88 minutes

I love White Castle burgers. I love dumb comedies. You’d think the two together would be heaven.

Harold Lee (Cho) is an Asian-born stock analyst who gets extra work dumped on him by his superiors. Kumar Patel (Penn) is a would-be medical student who has all the talent to go into practice, but none of the drive. After a typical day of the world having their way with them, the two roommates get baked. A commercial for White Castle beckons. What a perfect thing to stave off the munchies, they think. So the pair set off on a journey for the small square burgers that predictably goes awry.

When this movie came out, it made no secret what it was going to be. Two dudes want to go to White Castle, and find themselves entangled in comedic speed bumps along the way. The film itself doesn’t waste time, or brain power, getting you to that point. This would be forgivable if the jokes were amazingly funny. But even the premises are weakly constructed, leaving little breathing room or even half-plausible transition between bits.

Some people said you need to watch this movie stoned. Well, great. I’ll keep that in mind. I believe “The English Patient” was supposed to be enjoyed that way too.

There was one part where the guys find themselves on a runaway cheetah. The bad green screen effect was more than likely part of the joke. But after so many weak moments, having my intelligence insulted again just made the bad taste in my mouth get even worse. The leads turn in good performances, but they didn’t exactly have a lot of scenes where acting muscles needed flexing.

*

Like a lot of popular comedies as of late, seeing this out of season didn’t help. Neil Patrick Harris’ cameo was not only spoiled by my peers who saw it, but a lot of the humor in it has since passed. Neil’s career had a tremendous upswing with “How I Met Your Mother” after this film was released. Some part of me wondered if being a pot smoker would’ve made this movie better. If that were the case, I’d suggest a new slang term for marijuana – “miracle worker.”

Welcome!

2009-05-25T15:58:00.007-04:00

Greetings! So glad you decided to visit my reviews blog. Tiny bit of background before I get to the how-I-rate portion of this message. I used to post to a LiveJournal community with other review bloggers (like Andy the Saint) that was peppered with top-5 lists on pop culture. With that group sadly abandoned, I decided to move my output here. Everything is retro dated to its original post date on LiveJournal. You can access it all from the handy indexes on the left side of this window.

The crux of my review process is being unapologetic about how entertaining I find something. Poop jokes can outrank a war story if the former kept me watching. Rather than assign things a score based on the weight of merit-based sub-categories, I like to compare my subjects against media of a similar type. Movies tend to fall on a number line of "what would I rather see?" within the same genre. Sure, acting skill and technical matters get mentioned, but for the most part, scores reflect my personal taste on a knee-jerk level. I only took one film course in my college career. My reviews started as an "everyman" venture. I'm not an art critic; I want to tell you what I like.

Ratings here are out of five stars, in quarter-star increments. Although the best frame of reference for how a movie stacks up is to see how I rate other movies, I've attempted a field guide that describes some of my numbers.

Games are rated on the basis of "what would I rather play?" BoardGameGeek.com has a wonderful 1-to-10 scale that I use to rate games of all kinds (detailed here). With more storyline-based games, I try to give a definitive score based on going through once.

TV series are rated almost the same way as games, as I try to stack up what show I would rather watch. Simply substitute all language in the board game scale to make it apply for television. For entire seasons, I give each episode a thumbs up, thumbs in the middle, or thumbs down. I use the average of those judgments to score the entire season, with DVD extras and other such factors assisting me with rounding. Albums work the same way. Each song gets the thumb, with my opinions on the flow of the record as a whole helping me round up or down.

That's it. Expect reviews of anything and everything, from any time period, as I enjoy it. Let me know what you'd like to see. And feel free to comment!

The Last Supper (1995)

2009-05-23T09:15:00.001-04:00

Starring Cameron Diaz, Ron Eldard, Annabeth Gish, Jonathan Penner, Courtney B. Vance, et al
Rated R, 92 minutes

“The Last Supper” is a film about five liberal college students who decide to take their views too far. After killing a viciously right-wing truck driver in self-defense, the group turn into murderers, luring guests with opposing viewpoints to dinner and killing them, under the banner of “stopping the Hitlers before they become Hitler.”

I had the benefit of seeing this with no advance knowledge of the plot. I mean, it came out before Cameron Diaz’s participation meant anything, and drew less than $500,000 at the box office. As such, it was a pleasant surprise when the truck driver threatened the lives of the punk college students. Didn’t see it coming. The five main actors almost audibly chewed up the scenery in the early goings. These broad characterizations helped the movie quickly evolve into a great dark comedy “what if” about extreme lefties taking matters into their own hands. It then took many steps backwards and turned into a generic mystery, with “Saturday Night Live” alum Nora Dunn, of all people, as the cop detective. The overacting started to wear on me again.

Jason Alexander and Bill Paxton appear as victims. Watching it today, their participation helps spruce up a movie that ends up disappointing. Ron Perlman more-than-ably plays a right-wing television pundit seen throughout the movie.

**½

Development here was shallow. This movie needed to pick a genre. I really wanted to like it. I really wanted it to embrace its humor potential full force. Instead, “The Last Supper” took a more predictable route in showing the wrongs of extremist politics. Guess what? Our intolerable dinner party gets whacked.

Angels & Demons (2009)

2009-05-20T12:13:00.000-04:00

Starring Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor, et al
Rated PG-13, 138 minutes

“Angels & Demons” is the follow-up movie to “The Da Vinci Code.” It’s based on a prequel book to the Dan Brown best-seller. Tom Hanks returns as Dr. Robert Langdon, using his knowledge of symbols and Catholic history to solve a crime in progress.

Vittoria Vetra (Zurer) and her father work as physicists, creating the world’s first example of anti-matter. Quickly, it falls into the wrong hands. Vatican officials peg the anti-Catholic Illuminati, and get Langdon to fly out and figure out the puzzle. At the same time, the pope has died and a new one has to be elected. Four papal candidates are taken hostage by the Illuminati who threaten to kill them all, and use the anti-matter to obliterate the city.

The drama is cliché, but still fun to watch. Tom Hanks does a good Tom Hanks and the settings are beautiful. It’s Vatican City, ancient architecture, of course it’s beautiful. Given that, you forgive Langdon being too smart for the room and getting his way far too easily. The movie manages to even rise above those issues in the final third or so, where it gets away from the same old same old.

Like the character of Langdon, “Angels & Demons” cleverly tows the line of taking one side or the other in the science vs. faith battle. Both camps are given credit, as well as criticism.

****

There was very noticeable use of ADR peppering the first third that was distracting. ADR, or Automated Dialogue Replacement, simply means dubbing in voiceovers. It made things feel slapdash, but thankfully did not persist outside of these earlier scenes. I didn’t see “Da Vinci Code,” or read the book. But now I’m willing to give that film, and any possible sequels, a look.

Top 5 Weekend Update Anchors

2009-05-18T12:14:00.002-04:00

This is a list of my favorite five Weekend Update anchors from "Saturday Night Live." I've only never seen the disastrous early 80s period, so if you're a big fan (ha!) forgive me.

Honorable mention: Jane Curtin - Made the jokes funnier by appearing credible. And she's very likable.

5. Kevin Nealon - Had the help of a great supporting cast (Sandler, "Hollywood Minute," et al) to boost him, but he was no slouch at the desk. Had his own unique humor that was quietly witty and was fun to watch.

4. Tina Fey - A tough choice, as I personally grew up with Kevin, but she's got the better delivery. Maybe with time, you'll see Seth Meyers on this list or something.

3. Chevy Chase - Was Norm McDonald for his own time - didn't stop himself, just said it. The original urgent style of the show was played to perfection by Chevy. The only reason he isn't number 1 or 2 is the fact his edginess only expanded as far as the era allowed. Had he been the anchor today, he might be higher.

2. Dennis Miller - Set the tone in a lot of ways for his two successors. Very quick, very funny and seemed to be enjoying himself a lot.

1. Norm McDonald - Hilarious. Had some great running gags ("...you guessed it - Frank Stallone."), awesome timing and a demeanor that enhanced everything.

King of California (2007)

2008-09-09T12:07:00.000-04:00

Starring Michael Douglas, Evan Rachel Wood, et al
Rated PG-13, 93 minutes

16-year-old Miranda (Wood) has had to do things on her own for quite a while. Her father was committed, and a web of lies kept her by herself in the family home, working at McDonald's to make ends meet. When her dad Charlie (Douglas) was finally let go from the asylum, he raved about some lost gold left around California. Miranda gets dragged into the adventure, digging up backyards and golf courses, looking for pottery shards and dubloons. Eventually, it takes help from an old friend and infiltration of a major American business institution to claim the big hit.

This movie has a lot of charm. The two lead performances have a lot of heart, and the attitude was great. Admittedly, the movie took some time to get under my skin. They tried so hard in the first twenty minutes or so, but couldn’t grab me. It wasn’t long after that I invested in these warm characters, and found myself all smiles. In the last film I reviewed, “Wag the Dog,” Dustin Hoffman was unwavering in the face of certain trouble. Michael Douglas’ character is the same way here, and it’s a good comic device.

The movie leaves you wondering if Charlie is really crazy, or the world just doesn’t understand him. In the end, Charlie’s battle is with the time that passed him by while he was committed. The rampant product placement is intended to be an ironic comment on this – something I didn’t comprehend ‘til the film was over. So much for that college education.

***½

Ninety minutes I didn’t regret spending – the ol’ three-point-five special. The soundtrack was fun. The montage of Charlie relating to Miranda how the Spanish gold came to be is also a highlight.

Wag the Dog (1997)

2008-09-03T14:40:00.002-04:00

Starring Robert De Niro, Anne Heche, Dustin Hoffman, et al
Rated R, 97 minutes

Conrad Brean (De Niro) is a master strategist for the president – finding ways to divert media attention from the commander-in-chief’s major foibles. Just days before election night, news of a sex scandal breaks, threatening the president’s try for a second term. Conrad decides to stage a full-fledged war to get it out of the headlines. Enlisting the help of major Hollywood producer Stanley Motss (Hoffman), America locks horns with who-cares-what-country on the soundstages of Tinseltown. Challenging candidate Senator Neal makes it hard for the team to just march back to the Oval Office; so the lies get even more twisted.

This movie is loaded with familiar faces. Kirsten Dunst plays the extra in some faked war footage. Denis Leary appears as what could best be termed a co-producer alongside Dustin Hoffman’s character. Some of you may even recognize oft-seen bit part players David Koechner and John Michael Higgins. Not to mention William H. Macy and Woody Harrelson and Jim Belushi...

Motss’ credo of “this is nothing!” is great, and wormed its way into my brain by the end of the movie. The situation presented is pretty convoluted by itself, making anything in this film’s world plausible. The blasé attitude of the characters – faking everything and anything, and letting the viewer know this isn’t the first time this has happened – adds to the humor.

Overall, Wag the Dog was entertaining and funny without wowing me in a huge way. I didn’t really pick out anything resembling a flaw while watching, which has pretty much been my textbook definition of...

***½

...out of five. You can’t accuse this one of dragging – things pretty much jump into the main story right after the opening credits, and the pace virtually never lets up. A very worthy rental, especially if you like political humor.

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

2008-09-02T11:58:00.000-04:00

Starring Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, Marlon Wayans, et al
Rated R, 102 minutes

Adapted from a novel by Hubert Selby Jr. and directed by Darren Aronofsky, Requiem for a Dream is a story of addictions. Harry Goldfarb (Leto) is young and out of high school. He and his friend Tyrone (Wayans) begin to push drugs on the street – in part, to finance Harry’s girlfriend (Connelly) in her quest to make something of herself with a clothing store. Meanwhile, Harry’s mother (Burstyn) suddenly gets a call to be a contestant on television. Now a widower, with her son away from home, the phone call means more to her than perhaps it should. She begins taking speed to lose weight. Our characters, as one might expect, go on to experience some mighty big ups and downs.

The acting in this movie is powerful. Try not to be moved by mother Sara Goldfarb’s speech about growing older, and living each day just for a piece of mail from the TV station. Marlon Wayans turns in a surprisingly good performance as well. Christopher McDonald increases his stock as a character actor, playing a TV infomercial figure that Sara can’t turn away from.

The visual style is, in most instances, intriguing. Lots of quick cuts, repetitious drug imagery, split-screening – it’s quite a buffet for the senses. Only in select scenes does it detract from the story.

****¼

A satisfying movie. Requiem for a Dream is a gritty look into addiction, and a real look into the minds of the characters who are addicted. Being a wrestling fan, and enjoying this film so much, I now have more reason to anticipate Darren Aronofsky’s upcoming movie “The Wrestler.”

Art School Confidential (2006)

2008-08-28T17:17:00.000-04:00

Starring Max Minghella, Sophia Myles, Joel Moore, Jim Broadbent, Matt Keeslar, John Malkovich, Ethan Suplee, et al
Rated R, 102 minutes

Jerome (Minghella) has always aspired to be an artist. His idol is Picasso. Now he’s finally in college to pursue his dream. Jerome absorbs the culture at the direct of two new acquaintances – his would-be film director roommate Vince (Suplee) and fellow classmate Bardo (Moore). Bardo gives him the rundown on how to score art school pussy, as well as an introduction to a washed-up artist living in the slums (Broadbent). This artist makes it clear Jerome should work on some other skills besides artistry in order to make it.

In his quest for some easy poon, Jerome becomes taken with a model for his class (Myles) who becomes taken with Jerome’s rendition of her. However, a new charge with a...”unique” style named Jonah (Keeslar) threatens to take his momentum in more ways than one.

You wouldn’t perhaps guess from my summary that this was a funny movie, but it really was. I laughed at loud as the quirkiness of campus continued to unfold. As things get dire for our main character, the movie takes a distinct turn in tone, but it’s not entirely unwelcome. Things get a bit vague and loose with the storytelling at that point, but it didn’t sap away the good will from the first 80% of the film.

****½

The cast was great. Producer John Malkovich plays Jerome’s teacher, and Steve Buscemi appears as the owner of a restaurant and gallery near the school. Vince’s quest to make a movie, as well as Nick Swardson playing Jerome’s ambiguous roommate, make for nice sidebars while the main story progresses. The humor about art and college (and sometimes those two subjects together) is spot-on and you should laugh if you have passing familiarity with either.

Journey - Revelation (2008)

2008-07-20T14:38:00.001-04:00

Journey’s recent discovery of new lead singer Arnel Pineda is all over the pop culture radar. CBS News has featured them a few times, they appeared on “Ellen,” VH1 dubbed Arnel winner of the “Best Week Ever,” etc. In case you didn’t know, the band had just released tour-fill-in-turned-permanent singer Jeff Scott Soto as buzz from the “Sopranos” finale built. With attention came the sudden need for a new frontman, and they turned to YouTube, scouring the internet for tribute singers, would-be Steve Perrys – the whole gamut. It was guitarist Neal Schon who saw Pineda singing “Faithfully” in his native Philippines that brought us to where we are today. For the first time in years, the band is getting consistent radio airplay of their new songs...new songs off their new album, “Revelation.”

The new album is more than just a simple CD. Like the Eagles before them, Journey signed an exclusive deal with Wal-Mart, in an effort to boost attention and sales. Part of the deal included Wal-Mart’s apparent need for some extra material. So not only do you get Revelation proper (11 songs in all), but you get an album of re-recorded greatest hits, AND a concert DVD of the boys in Las Vegas with Arnel for $11.88. It’s this price point and value that, at least in part, helped the record break 250,000 sales within five weeks. RIAA rules allow a double album to count as 2 sales, so this one’s gold baby! Is it worthy of this status? Or are they just riding the coattails of Arnel Pineda’s Cinderella story, with a disc of their biggest songs?

Track listing:
1 – Never Walk Away (4:19)
2 – Like a Sunshower (4:29)
3 – Change for the Better (5:52)
4 – Wildest Dream (5:02)
5 – Faith in the Heartland (6:18)
6 – After All These Years (4:10)
7 – Where Did I Lose Your Love (5:02)
8 – What I Needed (5:28)
9 – What It Takes to Win (5:23)
10 – Turn Down the World Tonight (4:56)
11 – The Journey (Revelation) (5:25)

In a word? No. It’s definitely a solid album. But let’s dive in for the full treatment.

The first track is the lead-off single, “Never Walk Away.” While it packs that memorable punch to stop passersby on the radio dial, that memorable punch sounds very familiar. Longtime Journey fans will have trouble not singing “Be Good To Yourself” against this one the first few times they hear it. I’ve since come to like it on its own, but the resemblance is hard to deny.

The album ambles on to “Like a Sunshower,” which is reminiscent of “Lights” and an okay thumbs up. After that, my favorite track on the disc, “Change for the Better.” This is a rockin’ tune with some driving guitars and retro keyboard tones that I really dug. It’s reminiscent of their earlier song, and one of my all-time Journey favorites, “Escape.” From there we get into an okay song that has made the early setlists, “Wildest Dream,” followed by a remake. “Faith in the Heartland” was on an album with post-Perry lead singer Steve Augeri. Not sure why it’s here – decent song, but eh.

Next up, the second single off the album, “After All These Years,” penned by keyboardist Jonathan Cain. This ballad has been getting a good deal of attention on adult contemporary stations. The song is well-crafted, but not my speed.

The seventh track, “Where Did I Lose Your Love” is a well-structured mid-tempo song. Following that is “What I Needed,” something of a musical rollercoaster, much like their masterwork “Mother Father.” Afterwards, “What It Takes To Win” provides some embarrassingly cliché lyrics about victory and such, but would be more than serviceable if licensed for montages by a network sports outlet. “Turn Down the World Tonight” is another slower song with a great piano hook. And the final track is a Neal Schon-written instrumental that takes some time to get going, but provides a satisfying end to the CD.

So in short, the missteps are few on this album. The songs are well done and polished. But look at those run times. The singles run just above 4 minutes and they’re the shortest on the album. With most of the songs being of a slower, romantic variety, this gets to be a little laborious to listen to as a cohesive whole. I was able to appreciate some tracks more on the second and third go-arounds, because I wasn’t as tuckered out from the pacing experienced on first listen. I realize writing punchy 3-minute home-runs is a lot to ask, and perhaps devoid of some artistic value, but…Journey’s well capable of doing it. They can rock. Their past albums showed them being true musical chameleons.

****

The songs are worth a listen even if you’re just a casual fan. You’re bound to find one that’s okay for you. The band has been harping on returning to the “legacy sound” for some time, and frankly…that’s Steve Perry. Let it go. I’m no Perry-apologist, but these songs are undeniably Journey even without him. They would sound right in line with the old catalog if he were singing them. Arnel, though, is a talented vocalist who can hopefully stay with the band into their twilight and make some more musical magic like we got here.

That's my score for “Revelation.” But as a bonus, I’m going to punch up some thoughts on the re-record disc.

Track listing:
1 – Only the Young (4:14)
2 – Don’t Stop Believin’ (4:55)
3 – Wheel in the Sky (5:01)
4 – Faithfully (4:47)
5 – Any Way You Want It (3:25)
6 – Who’s Crying Now (5:16)
7 – Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) (5:27)
8 – Lights (3:16)
9 – Open Arms (3:22)
10 – Be Good To Yourself (4:29)
11 – Stone in Love (4:27)

I decided to basically judge this on the merits of it being re-recorded. If it was a worthy cover, thumbs in the middle. Any significant improvement/enjoyment meant thumbs up…an insult to the original and/or major problems, thumbs down. What you find out listening is something the band’s old manager Herbie Herbert had said. You don’t exactly need Steve Perry. Well, his voice, anyway. His songwriting is pretty key. But I digress – the songs for the most part get thumbs in the middles. They were ably covered and enjoyable.

Fans of the band will recognize a lot of live touches to the re-records. Song endings and arrangements used here are similar to ones used by Journey in their recent tours. Considering moves by Neal Schon in particular to record their music as live as they can in the studio, this was a natural thing to do with the re-records. They’ve been doing them live for the past 10 years in a row, it’s probably how they know them best anyway.

Among the high and lowlights: “Wheel in the Sky” was not in Arnel’s grasp at record time. “Faithfully” is a song he’s been singing for years already, and he has a nice handle on it, with his own vocalisms to boot. “Lights” and “Open Arms” are a bit overperformed, with crashing drums and more of Arnel’s struggle to match the original version with his own voice. In the Perry days, the band was a lot more intrepid in covering themselves live, using punchier arrangements, faster tempos, etc. Could’ve done some service in places here, I imagine.

“Be Good To Yourself” is perhaps the best redo on the disc, which is a shame given its similarity to their new hit single. It still got some play on the Revelation tour, but...

***

Disc 2 of Revelation isn’t a total waste of time, but if it was ever to be done, it was best included in a package like this. As it stands, it’s a curiosity, and sort of a go-anywhere live bootleg of the band as it exists in 2008.

The DVD I haven’t given too much thought to. The direction of it is not my cup of tea; a bit too frenetic with the shots and camera switching. But the performances are good, and it’s not a bad extra. Plus it’s the first official release of drummer Deen Castronovo covering “Mother Father.” I’d give it about three-and-a-half.

The entire package, with DVD, gets a 3.5 out of 5. That’s an average of my scores, bumped up thanks to the incredible value of the set.

Fuck (2005)

2008-07-10T20:58:00.000-04:00

Not Rated, 93 minutes

“Fuck” is a documentary more about hypocrisy in censorship and the recent moves in culture towards morality than it is about the word itself. But trust me, you’ll hear a lot of it in 90 minutes. Hundreds of fucks. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

The presentation and enjoyment is akin to VH1’s “I Love the 80s” – you get a lot of well known people sharing thoughts and opinions on various sub-topics. There’s “Fuck Music,” “Fuck the FCC,” “Fuck Politics,” etc. Among the many who appear are Hunter S. Thompson, Drew Carey, Kevin Smith, Alan Keyes, Pat Boone, Ron Jeremy, and Sam Donaldson.

Both sides of the issues are presented, but it’s apparent which side the filmmakers are on. Not that you the viewer, who chose to watch a movie called “Fuck,” would think any differently from them. The diametrically opposed commentators get presented in a nice way, with the two interview clips literally pushing each other on and off screen in a fashion that works well to show where each is coming from. Also, many songs and movie clips are peppered in, to somewhat good effect.

***½

A good 90 minutes for me, but one whose enjoyment can’t break that score because it feels too much like TV. It’d be a cool thing for an HBO or something to run. As a purchase? Not so much.

Capsule Review Cavalcade: Movies Volume I

2008-07-05T10:55:00.001-04:00

I’ve seen more movies than my index will ever show, but sometimes I just can’t muster up enough creativity to hammer out a full review. Or I worry that what I’ll say isn’t interesting and/or different enough insight to justify a whole treatment. But I always manage to scribble down a score somewhere on my PC. So here’s a way for me to get scores in my index for a group of four movies I’ve seen over the past year without having the worries. It’s Capsule Movie Reviews! I’ll give a brief synopsis, followed by whatever I can remember being my rationale for the score. All scores are out of five stars, per usual.

I AM LEGEND (2007) – Rated PG-13, 101 minutes
It is 2012, and a terrible plague has taken out most of the world. Robert Neville is a scientist, played by Will Smith, who is among the last to survive. He resides in a desolate New York City partially populated by mutant people with the plague. By day, when it’s safe, he sends out radio messages to whoever may be out there, and tries desperately to find a cure. I saw this on an IMAX screen, and it was phenomenal from that standpoint. The first time an animal attacked him, I nearly flew out of my seat. My only gripes with this one had to deal with some logic holes in the story and/or character decisions. The way it goes from being all Will and his dog, to a movie with a single mother and Will and his dog felt a little hokey. Very good movie, though, and a good one-man show from Will Smith for awhile. ****

THE KING OF KONG: A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS (2007) – Rated PG-13, 79 minutes
Billy Mitchell is something of a force in the world of competitive video gaming. Since the early 80s heyday of the arcades, Billy has laid claim to some impressive high scores on titles like “Pac-Man,” “BurgerTime,” and the focal point of this movie – “Donkey Kong.” Steve Wiebe is a man from Washington who seemingly should be the new Kong champion, but whose score-on-videotape was perhaps disqualified on purely political grounds to protect Billy’s reputation. Steve goes on a cross-country journey to beat the score in-person, and quiet the critics. Even after reading online about some dramatic license taken by the filmmakers, this documentary still inspires and entertains, and focuses on a subject that I could watch and read media about for hours. ****

MICKEY BLUE EYES (1999) – Rated PG-13, 102 minutes
In this comedy, Hugh Grant plays Michael Felgate, an art auctioneer who’s trying to propose marriage to Gina Vitale (played by Jeanne Tripplehorn). She says no, fearing Michael would get himself wrapped up with her family, who are in the mafia. He eventually gets the girl, but also gets his hands dirty with a money laundering scam that results in a dead body or few. Wacky cover-up abounds. With hindsight, this is quite the cast, featuring a lot of the actors who would go on to “The Sopranos.” “Mickey Blue Eyes” is the sort of movie you’d catch yourself watching after flipping channels on a lazy weekend. You come out having felt like the past hour and change wasn’t a waste, but you don’t rush out to buy it either. ***

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (2008) – Rated R, 112 minutes
Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell) is the star of a popular TV crime drama, and her boyfriend Peter (writer/star Jason Segel) composes the music. We join Peter in the midst of his utopia, just eating an endless bowl of cereal, and farting around with different projects. For Sarah, the honeymoon is over, and she dumps Peter (while naked). The movie then moves into its namesake, as Peter goes all the way to Hawaii to forget his old girl. And then she’s there on vacation with her NEW boyfriend! Ouch. A worthy addition to the Apatow Universe, this one’s very funny; both crude and heartwarming, sometimes in the same breath. A lot of good performances/characters here, and a lot of jokes you’ll remember. ****

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

2008-07-01T15:06:00.000-04:00

Starring Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Abigail Breslin, Steve Carell, Paul Dano, etc.
Rated R, 101 minutes

Richard Hoover (Kinnear) is trying to market his “nine steps” to success...success Richard has yet to achieve. He is perhaps most militant in pushing these steps on his daughter Olive (Breslin) in her quest to win the “Little Miss Sunshine” pageant. A shock phone call sends the entire Hoover clan to Redondo Beach to compete, including stepson Dwayne, who’s taken a vow of silence; recently-released suicidal Uncle Frank; heroin snorting grandpa...

This movie is endearing and sweet without being syrupy. Most of the main characters are somewhat broken people as you can see. Watching Richard chide Olive in a way most annoying about her eating habits will have you angry, but the scene quickly switches to laughter. With all their problems, we can still feel for them and pull for them because frankly...who among us isn’t a “good” person without having some “bad” about us? I think that more than anything resonates after you see this movie. Also, this film pulled off character development rather nicely, growing right in front of you without feeling piled on.

Lots of good performances here. Dwayne, played by Paul Dano, is good both when he’s silent and speaking. Steve Carell turned in something outside of his supposed wheelhouse at the time. Greg Kinnear’s part isn’t the greatest, if only because of my personal pre-viewing hype. This movie was much lauded as a masterpiece and stuff, but when I got Greg Kinnear essentially being Greg Kinnear (the “Talk Soup” smarm, etc.) it turned me off at first. I love that tone and his performance, but it sort of removed me for a spell when I came in expecting a movie screaming Oscar-worthy (i.e. stuffy).

****

But what I got produced many hearty laughs indeed. It’s parts farcical, parts real…and a good dose entertaining.

Top 10 South Park episodes

2007-11-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

This list covers seasons 1 through 10, as it's the last season set I reviewed on the site.

Honorable mentions: Scott Tenorman Must Die, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, Fat Camp

10. Cartmanland - season 5 - This is the one where Cartman inherits a bunch of money and uses it to buy a theme park only he can go to. A completely natural scenario for Cartman with some funny, funny jokes I love to this day.

9. The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers - season 6 - The first of FIVE shows out of season six in this countdown. Didn't even realize I paid such service to that season 'til I typed this. Anyway, this is their big "Lord of the Rings" parody with a great premise.

8. A Ladder to Heaven - season 6 - "Where were you...when they decidedheavenwasamoreintangibleidea ’n you couldn’t...you couldn’t really get there?" The bit with the Japanese getting to heaven first is pretty cool too.

7. Asspen - season 6 - It truly feels like a TV movie event and delivers in spades. This is a generic send-up on 80s teen movies with a South Park bent and a lil' tangent on timeshares being stupid wastes of time.

6. Cartman Joins NAMBLA - season 4 - A bit of a lost classic for me 'til I went through the DVDs. I knew it was funny, but not this funny. Cartman wants to be friends with more mature, older people. Years before Chris Hansen made a career out of exposing the type of creeps Cartman invariably attracts, we got this show.

5. Lil' Crime Stoppers - season 7 - I always give heavy praise to the "boys being boys" episodes in my reviews, and this is one of the best. What was a friendly game of playing detective with toy guns turns into a stint on the South Park police force for the boys that ends in a very real drug bust. Great stuff, seek it out.

4. Spontaneous Combustion - season 3 - Another dark horse, and the earliest show on the list. The premise is solid, but the icing on the cake are the Scooby-Doo esque music flashback, peace prize presentation and...well, Randy Marsh.

3. The Biggest Douche in the Universe - season 6 - The last three shows basically represent jokes I'll never tire of that are uproariously funny. With this, I'll always love their take on John Edward and those Rob Schneider trailers. Stan's psychic TV show is hilarious, too.

2. Child Abduction is Not Funny - season 6 - Stupid Mongoweeans! I'm sure this totally seemed like a potboiler idea at the time, or at least would come across like that to an outsider before you watched it. But the Mongolians joke isn't the only joke in this one. May be the best one, but ChildTracker and the Ghost of Human Kindness are still damn funny.

1. Something You Can Do With Your Finger - season 4 - The best. THE best. I still do the mall manager character in everyday conversation.

South Park: The Complete Ninth Season

2007-10-07T16:55:00.003-04:00

3-disc set; 14 episodes (~308 minutes)

This season is perhaps best known for having two episodes pulled from rerun airings for a spell. In fact, the set was marketed on this notion. Certain groups threw their weight around and put an end to the free expression of Trey & Matt. But thankfully, perhaps with the help of some episodes in the following year, they would not win in the end. There’s a change of direction for one of the characters (again) that opens up our set of 14 shows.

Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina (air: 3/9/05) – The season opens with Mr. Garrison becoming Mrs. Garrison with one vaginoplasty. After failing at basketball tryouts on account of being Jewish, Kyle tells his parents about this development. Kyle’s mom of course has no problem with it, but Mr. Broflovski does, so he heads down to the clinic to give the doc a piece of his mind. And become a dolphin. Ahem. Kyle gets the negroplasty he so deeply desires, but his new kneecaps (see: testicles) are not up to the strains of basketball, and it’s up to the boys and Garrison to go stop him. Feels more like a means of getting to the Mrs. Garrison character now, but the cosmetic surgeon is pretty funny and I’m sure I’m just desensitized to the other gags. Thumbs up.

Die Hippie, Die (air: 3/16/05) – Cartman’s always had a disdain for hippies, but this episode actually pays off all those throwaway lines from over the years. It seems hippies are infesting South Park, and Eric’s the only one taking care of it. When he gets put in jail for kidnapping potheads, a full-blown jam fest breaks out that threatens to swallow up the town. Funny, funny stuff I won’t attempt so sum up; it ends with a good movie parody. Thumbs up.

Wing (air: 3/23/05) – The boys find out Token has a budding singing career and try to represent him as talent agents. Just as he gets snapped up by CAA, the proprietor of City Wok arrives with his wife, Wing, who already has a gig booked in Los Angeles. Trey & Matt admit, more or less, that this episode was made just to work in the incredibly…unique vocal stylings of Wing, which are found at wingmusic.co.nz. The show comes across as good as it could on second viewing. Thumbs in the middle.

Best Friends Forever (air: 3/30/05) – We start with Cartman trying to get his mom up in the wee hours to buy the new PSP. When he arrives to the store, he finds a long line with Kenny in front. Eric ends up without one as Kenny masters the new PSP title “Heaven vs. Hell.” It turns out God made PSP to test who could command the armies in the real final battle between heaven and hell. But just as he’s about to go to war (on the Golden PSP), Kenny gets a feeding tube put inside him to keep him alive. The Terry Schiavo crossover feels way dated now, as it was an issue I barely paid attention to then. This episode started in stupid silly mode, but went to funny silly somewhere in the middle. Thumbs up. But hey, it won an Emmy, so what do I know?

The Losing Edge (air: 4/6/05) – As a long time purveyor of the “baseball is boring” message, this episode was a godsend. South Park’s in the regional little league finals, and they just want it to be over. Unfortunately for them, winning the title puts them in the postseason. Now the boys have to figure out a way to lose. Only thing is, every team in the playoffs wants out too. This one put “You’re the Best Around” back in everybody’s conscience, had the great sub-story with Randy Marsh fighting in the crowd, and brought back one of my favorite one-off characters, Kyle’s cousin Kyle. Thumbs up.

The Death of Eric Cartman (air: 4/13/05) – What would be the one thing your best friend could do to fall out of favor with you for good? That’s right…eat all the skin off your Kentucky Fried Chicken. It’s exactly what Cartman does in this one, and it eventually gets all the kids of South Park to ignore him. Eric figures this can only mean one thing – he’s dead. Naturally, Butters is out of the loop, so Eric thinks Butters can see dead people and works with him to make everything right before he floats off to heaven. Such natural roles for these two characters, there’s no doubt what this one gets. Thumbs up.

Erection Day (air: 4/20/05) – Jimmy develops the problem of getting random boners in class. The big talent show is coming up, which Jimmy usually wins. But with an erection, Jimmy can’t perform up to his usual standards. After a talk with Butters, he determines he has to get his penis inside a woman’s vagina so he can do his comedy and win the talent show. Some great bits in here, like Cartman in Jimmy’s earpiece on a date, the “Italian restaurant,” and the lame talent show acts. Thumbs up.

Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow (air: 10/19/05) – Stan & Cartman play in some guy’s boat, and crash it into a beaver dam. Nearby Beaverton is flooded, and we spiral into a play on Hurricane Katrina. The satire here, which also includes some bits on global warming to the tune of “Day After Tomorrow,” is over-the-top and as such is very funny. I wish they went that route a little more often, the results here were terrific. One you should see. Thumbs up.

Marjorine (air: 10/26/05) – Eric calls an emergency meeting at his house. It seems the girls have a future telling device they need to get a hold of. It’s one of those folded paper things with numbers and colors on it that you move with your hands and then open a flap to get a yes/no answer. The boys eventually decide they need to infiltrate the girls’ next slumber party and steal the device. Naturally, Butters is the patsy. A total kids being kids episode, and if you’ve read my reviews, you know what I think of them. Thumbs up. Trey and Matt said they wish this was a two-parter, so they could’ve done a longer homage to “Pet Sematary,” but I disagree. It was top to bottom funny.

Follow That Egg! (air: 11/2/05) – The fourth graders start a new unit on parenting, and get paired up into mother/father to take care of an egg. Mrs. Garrison tries to get Mr. Slave to take her back, only to find him engaged to Big Gay Al. So she decides to appeal to the governor to get the decision on gay marriage overturned. The governor won’t make a decision unless he has backing, so Mrs. Garrison changes the project to include two same-sex couples of Wendy & Bebe and Stan & Kyle, to prove that two men can’t father a child. Another instance where going over the top, with the satire and the subplots, went a long way. Thumbs up.

Ginger Kids (air: 11/9/05) – Cartman gives a speech in class about “ginger kids” – kids with red hair, light skin and freckles who have no soul. Kyle tries to disprove him unsuccessfully, so he gets Kenny & Stan to help him make Cartman ginger with makeup and hair dye. In true Cartman fashion, he just turns it around and rallies all the gingers to exterminate the rest of the human race. I don’t know, this one wasn’t all that funny, save for the end, which was pretty good. Thumbs in the middle. Oh, and the Airport Hilton guy.

Trapped in the Closet (air: 11/16/05) – The first of our two “banned” shows in air order, although this one isn’t offensive at all per se. Stan’s saving up money for a new bike, so he can’t spend money on anything fun. When he walks by a scientology bureau giving “fun and free” personality tests, he goes in. The scientologists tell Stan he’s depressed and needs to pay $240 for auditing. We eventually spiral into a treatise on scientology. Stan is found to be the second coming of L. Rob Hubbard. And Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet. Usually, giving so many straight facts wouldn’t be funny, but the source material here was plenty good on its own. Thumbs up.

Free Willzyx (air: 11/30/05) – This one is completely ridiculous, but oh so funny. It starts a little mundane and makes you think it’ll go a few different ways, but it picks up right after that. The boys go to see a whale at a sea park, and Kyle stays after the show to see it up close. The guys on the speaker make Kyle think the whale is talking to him, with wishes to go home to the moon with all the other zypods. Yeah. So Kyle rallies all the kids of South Park to steal the whale and put it on a rocket to the moon. Good good good. Thumbs up. Another instance of Trey & Matt at the end of their rope with no ideas, but pulling something out in the end.

Bloody Mary (air: 12/7/05) – Here’s the second show that got pulled this run, though the first chronologically to have that “honor.” It was only controversial for the image of a Virgin Mary spraying blood from its ass onto the Pope, which was secondary to the show and why it’s funny. Stan’s dad drives the boys home from karate practice…drunk. He gets a DUI and is forced to attend AA meetings, where they tell him to turn his life over to a higher power due to the crippling “disease” of alcoholism. Then the statue starts bleeding, and Randy has to get there to be cured by the miracle blood. This is a funny teardown of AA, and I think all of us have known somebody like Stan’s dad. Thumbs up. The commentary for this one is really funny too.

The count (up-middle-down):
12-2-0

So a big theme for this season was going over the top, and it worked in spades. An animal rights group supporting the boys taking a whale to Mexico by U-Haul? Dressing up a pig to fake your friend’s death to steal a paper charm from a group of girls? All awesome. Kenny Hotz of “Kenny vs. Spenny,” which I’ve reviewed in full to this point for Top Five, also consulted on a few shows this season.

****¼

You get the usual mini-commentaries with this set, although the track for “Trapped in the Closet” is mostly riffing on some of the celebrities profiled therein. Trey & Matt got sick of talking about the show in the media and already gave it a commentary for “The Hits,” a set of their favorite episodes to that point. Stay tuned for more South Park reviews in the future.